Dear Anita,

Everything seems to be going good again. He has been showing all the promising signs of wanting a relationship and possibly a future with me again, but i try not get into that space again of comfort in his word. He and i are doing well, ive been going above and beyond to help him during his fight camp, 3 weeks till his fight and i can see his quite stressed and always in pain. Only thing he seems to battle with is his sex drive, he says its cause his in pain and he told me he doesnt even desire to masturbate. I told him its due to all the stress and pressure of his fight camp. Despite his stress and pain he has been doing well, he has stepped up quite a bit. We haven’t spoken about the break or anything. We only spoke about good memories from when we started dating and he mentioned the other evening that he hasnt taken me on a date in a long time an i said its okay because he has been preparing for his fight and he said that he just wanted to mention that hes aware he hasnt taken me on a date in a while. I like that he has gotten through his troubles. I heard him tell my brother that he was stressed, that him and i living out on our own, he felt this need to provide and the pressure was getting to him with all the financial difficulty he was going through. Im not sure if this is one of the real reasons he asked for this break but i know that i never put financial pressure on him. Knowing all that i do now has brought peace to my overthinking mind, ive gotten to know him alot better and ive gotten to know myself alot better too. He is starting to appreciate me alot more. He is dealing with alot of inner battles as well as preparing for his fight. I do my best to be his break from all that worry.

Yes Physical pain is a very normal part of training in a combat sport. I just wish i knew the reason this fear of commitment keeps arising. Everything’s fine between us but i fear telling him i love him again after what happened. He was the one who brought up marriage and  a future, but he sabotaged his life with me and almost broke up with me. He gave many reasons but none of which made any sense. He decided to work through his issues but im not sure what is the real problem he is facing and theres no point in asking because he doesnt tell me the truth of what he fears so much. He keeps making jokes and playfully saying i must love him but i just keep quiet. I want him to notice that i havent said I love you. It use to be me and him against the world but after all the issues he has been going through i fear a long term relationship with him. He progressed our relationship and then suddenly when things got serious and we were faced with some difficulty he panicked and became destructive and giving fake excuses to hide his fear of commitment.

We use to have a purpose in this relationship, He isnt the type to date just for the fun of it, as i am the first girl he wanted to change his old ways for. He saw a future with me and that was hes reason for us living together. He then got lazy and overwhelmed with all the responsibility he had. Financially he is struggling and he has so many goals for himself and us but it just doesnt seem to be happening for him. His crises lasted about 3 months and out of nowhere when we were on the verge of breaking up he decided he wants to work on his issues. He said it wasnt fair that he didnt know what he wants and keeps pushing me away and then pulling me back in. He said he was afraid that what if he doesnt want this in the future then he breaks my heart all over again. So knowing there could be another heartbreak in a future with him scares me so much. Things are going good and we’ve made healthy changes in the relationship but i cant help but fear he may want out again when im most vulnerable and trusting him again. After his fight i will get to see if hes serious about making a change and putting effort in. He is very focused and preparing for this fight so now is not a good time to speak about emotions and relationship based stuff. Im being the best girlfriend he needs right now and i hope he starts putting in the effort in fulfilling my needs.

It is very difficult as he is in a very singular mindset most of the time. He needs to be so that he stays focused and strong till his fight. I miss being touched and feeling special as he doesnt do that very often. I pretend im fine but deep down im unfulfilled and i yearn to feel the deep connection we once had. i afraid to ask him to improve and give me the love i need but im afraid he get the wrong message and feels pressured. i trust things can only develope with time and timing is important when having these kind of conversations especially with a guy who has commitment phobia. He talks about future plans and us doing well financially but how can i trust him when he fails to make me feel secure in our relationship. I give and give and give but im not getting the same effort in return. We couldnt imagine a life without eachother and suddenly he just changed overnight.

Thank you, I will take your advice and ill keep you posted on how everything’s going or if any worries come up.

Hi Anita,

Its been quite some time since i last wrote and things are going good. My boyfriend had his fight this past weekend (He Won) and everything was running smoothly leading up to his fight. Hes being the loving boyfriend again. He has overcame his commitment anxiety for now, I will never truly know why he asked for a break and treated me the way he did and that gives me great fear in loving him. Although things are going good, i have a bit of a wall up due to my lack of trust in his sudden change of heart. Since it was so easy to get bored of me and abandon ship the first time, who knows if it will happen again. Ive been positive and loving towards him despite my inner fears. I dont pressure him too much and ive taken a step back with regards to planning a future with him. I dont bring up the future at all but he seems to be very optimistic in making business plans with me etc. He has grown great appreciating for me and has told me numerous times of how proud he is to have a woman like me. His gratitude means the world to me but  in the blink of a eye he could change his mind. I continue to focus on myself and give the necessary space for him to do what he wants. I no longer curb him of doing certain things out of my insecurities. I have this mindset that i am an amazing woman and if he decides to screw things up with me.. thats his loss because he knows there are guys dying to have a chance with me. Ive managed to calm my anxiety and fears day by day, I practice confident thoughts and not let him think im some needy woman. Working on my self esteem has allowed me to step back from things that are out of my control and stay assured that someone out there will love me and appreciate me the way i deserve if he is unable to.