July 10, 2018 at 5:51 am #216109
His mother is bad (old and new) news for him and for you. I hope you do not in any way encourage him to reach out to her, to communicate with her, to get closer to her. Better that he has nothing to do with her.
He doesn't have much that is consistent and reliable in his life. His mother isn't. His career and income aren't. But he has one thing that is reliable, one person who is dependable, and that is you.
If he fails to understand the value of having a person in his life who is reliable, if he fails to grasp how rare it is to have a dependable, consistently loving person in his life- if he, let's say, gets focused now on finding that person in his father (not likely to succeed0, then he is going to miss this great opportunity.
I don't think he understands that it is not that he needs to fix himself and his life first and then commit to you, but that committing to you is his greatest resource. Unfortunately, people too often discard their greatest resource as they pursue that which will get them nowhere.
anitaJuly 12, 2018 at 5:36 am #216363
That is very true,
It sucks that he is so stubborn, because theres nothing more really that i can do to convince him to end this break or agree to start a new relationship. He is under severe pressure as he is training for his fight which is in a month. Everyday he is tired and in pain. He still sees his massuse every now and again and that woman who his partnered up with to build a brand but hes less secretive and shady about it. He is very neutral when he brings up either of them which is a good sign. He has also asked me to join in on a meeting with the brand business woman to help plan an event he'd like to throw. which is also a good sign because if anything was going on between them he wouldn't want me to be around the woman. I feel he doesnt want to rush into anything and he is still working on himself, hes actions and how he has been towards me has improved but i just have to be patient and wait till hes ready to step up as a man and call off this stupid break and give me the security i need. unfortunately we all grow at different paces and because we are still young he hasn't quite found himself yet and thats the growing pains i have chosen to put up with. He is a good man and this behavior surrounding the break is nothing like the man i know him to be, he behaved like a coward and just became completely irresponsible. One thing he doesnt want to do and thats hurt me because he knows what ive been through, but when a man feels unsatisfied within himself and dealing with an identity crises, anxiety and depression and low self asteem… it completely blinds him of seeing all the good in his life. I trust he will come out of this low place his in and he will come out a better man. He still has growing up to do and alot of childhood battles to overcome but hes who i fell inlove with and promised to be by his side always. If he does not improve or step up and be the man we both need him to be then i will walk away and know i have given my all.July 12, 2018 at 6:01 am #216367
You promised to be by his side and you are keeping your promise. Therefore, “if he does not improve or step up and be the man we both need him to be then I will walk away and know I have given my all”- may it be a promise you make to yourself, to walk away if he doesn't step up and be the man you both need him to be.
You wrote, “he is still working on himself”- and I still don't know that he does, or how it is that he is working on himself. I know he is working on his career, but how otherwise, I don't know that he is.
The term identity crisis that you used, (or plural, identity crises), I wonder about it. It is not that he had a solid identity before(as an adult) and now he is questioning that identity. So I don't know about this term used here. I think that his struggles, his challenges have been ongoing and a lot is ahead of him, if he is to take on healing.