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My Boyfriend Makes Comments About Other Women In Front Of Me

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  Shae Hepburn 3 days, 9 hours ago.

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  • #284595

    memories11
    Participant

    Lately I’ve been insecure and it’s like being sucked in. I hate it. I’m aware and reminding myself of who I am and so forth. I get it has to do with self-love and etc things.

    I’m just not okay with him commenting in front of me when he could be keeping his comments to himself. I’ve told him this before, but he said it just has to do with insecurities which I should figure out myself and that he’s just someone who bluntly says things out loud.

    Is it really though? It probably is in a sense, but mainly I’m getting at how disrespectful I find it. We’re not on the same page here. I’m trying to communicate and voice my thoughts, but he’s not getting it and I don’t know how else to go at it.

    #284601

    Valora
    Participant

    I feel like what he’s doing is a very basic thing of what not to do in a relationship.  You’ve told him that you don’t like the comments, and no matter what his opinions may be on why you don’t like the comments, it’s a reasonable thing to ask of him to keep them to himself and he should respect that.

    The way I’d go at it is to dump him, honestly, but it’s up to you to decide whether or not this is a deal breaker, especially since he’s expressed that he has no plans of changing it and expects you to just deal with it. How you choose to deal with it is now up to you.

    #284623

    anita
    Participant

    Dear memories11:

    Is it true, that “he’s just someone who bluntly says things out loud”- does he tell his parents what he feels about their behaviors, or does it keep  it to himself?

    Is he careful  to not offend those he believes are more powerful than him (and can hurt him back), but is  okay with offending those who he believes are less powerful than him?

    If he has children, with you, children who are naturally not powerful at all, in what ways will he be blunt with them?

    You can observe him with others, his bluntness, specifically with his parents and with children. And at a moment when he is calm and not eager to present the topic as your insecurity/ problem, you can ask him any one of these questions.

    anita

    #284645

    Mark
    Participant

    memories11,

    I’m just not okay with him commenting in front of me when he could be keeping his comments to himself. I’ve told him this before, but he said it just has to do with insecurities which I should figure out myself and that he’s just someone who bluntly says things out loud.

    Is it really though? It probably is in a sense, but mainly I’m getting at how disrespectful I find it. We’re not on the same page here. I’m trying to communicate and voice my thoughts, but he’s not getting it and I don’t know how else to go at it

    I have a problem whenever people excuse bad behavior as “that is who I am.”  Behavior can be changed.

    Are you willing to stay with someone who won’t change their behavior that is so disrespectful to you?

    Mark

    #285013

    Shae Hepburn
    Participant

    memories 11,

    Some people tend to hide behind “honesty” alot. But actually REAL honesty is not about disprespecting other people, it’s about being true to yourself while honouring others. If you did the same to him would he like it? In other words if you were to sit and make lewd comments about other men in front of him would he like it? Now I don’t know your boyfriend, but I could bet you that he would hate it. Why? Because in the same way that you feel his comments about other women are disrespectful to you the comments  are also meant to undermine you and how you feel.He would feel the same, anyone would, unless you have zero self esteem.Make no mistake this has nothing to do with feeling insecure. It has everything to do with why he is being disrespectful in front of you and not honouring you. Plus you have asked him to stop and that is actually not an insecure thing, it’s called setting boundaries and it’s a healthy thing.If he loved you he would stop, in fact he would never do it in the first place. You can do whatever you like about this situation but what I have found out about some men is that they always seem to take a jab at how a woman feels about herself, and that is wrong when they start blaming us  as feeling insecure. What they are saying is that you are making a big thing out of nothing, and your feelings aren’t nothing. A  man’s opinion should NEVER trump how  you feel about yourself. In what planet does this bloke think ANY woman would find it’s okay for him to make comments in front of you about other women?

    So all I would say is NEVER allow any man to make you feel less than or make you feel like what you feel doesn’t matter. Secondly sometimes giving a man back his own medicine proves a point so much more succintly then any words could. If he eyes out other women in your presence then do the same with men only 10 times more obvious. If he talks about other women in your company do the same but amp it up, so he gets your point loud and clear. If he DOESN’T get your point and if he doesn’t react then dump him. You seem like an intelligent woman who deserves so much more than a man who to me seems like he is unsure  of himself and diflecting this onto you. At the end of  the day if man loves you he wants you to feel good about yourself. This smacks like your boyfriend has alot of insecurities he is projecting onto you and then making you feel bad in the process.   This is his stuff, not yours,so don’t own it. If he doesn’t sort his mess out, look for a replacement.

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