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My struggle with mindfulness

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  • February 8, 2015 at 6:05 pm #72516
    brandon
    Participant

    Hi everyone, this is my first post on this site but I have been reading some of the articles on here for the past few days. I figured I would get some insight on something I’m sure a lot of you have/are currently struggling with.

    I have had anxiety/depression my whole life, always taught to be scared of the world and see the worst in everything to protect my self and stay 1 step ahead of danger. I never really let it get to me until a few years ago when it started getting worse and worse. Now it seems like im a nervous wreck all the time, always in my own head on a vicious loop of endless worst case scenarios and what-ifs. At work I am always a nervous wreck, constantly judging myself and thinking i’m no good at this stuff, ill never finish my apprenticeship program. Even if I do I wont know everything I need to. When im not anxious at work I perform very well, I get nothing but compliments and feel good. It seems like more often than not though I’m stuck in my head a nervous wreck and makeing mistakes because im so worried about making mistakes.

    All of the anxiety from being around coworkers/people all day just wears me out since im very nervous around just about anyone besides my wife and talking to people doesnt exactly come natural for me (sounds kinda strange to see me say that) I have read about mindfulness and meditation, and I’m trying to incorporate all the positives that come with that, especially letting things go and being non-judgemental towards my emotions/anxiety.

    My question is I guess how do you get over the overwhelming experience of it all at first? I try my hardest to stay in the present moment and stay out of my head but that doesnt last longer than 1 minute tops, no matter how hard I try. Its like my brain is so wired to tune out reality that it cant handle it when i actually try to focus. My brain is like someone else changing the tv channels in my head with no control from me. I see a lot of times people say they just stay in the moment and dont judge and it comes easily but it is one of the hardest things ive tried to do in my life. Any feedback on how to stay in the present when your mind wanders like a runaway train would be helpful lol.

    Thanks for reading, and nice to meet you all.

    February 9, 2015 at 8:46 am #72536
    Ashley Arcel
    Participant

    Hi Brandon,

    First of all – have you ever considered talking to a therapist about this? I used to struggle with major anxiety issues (and, to some extent, I still do) and after several years I found a very sweet therapist who was able to give me some great tools to handle my anxiety.

    You mention your mind wandering “like a runaway train” which sounds VERY familiar 😉 I’ve been there! And one of the greatest tricks I learned back then is this: start thinking of your thoughts as cars zipping past on a busy highway while you stand on the shoulder. You don’t have to attach yourself to every single one. Our minds are inherently busy places and learning to observe our thoughts as they appear and as they pass ultimately leads us to a greater peace of mind. The motive isn’t to stop having these thoughts entirely, only to stop getting drug around by them, which is what we achieve when we learn to let them go. I found this particularly helpful when working through a time of immense anger in my life. Every single day, I would find myself being drug off by feelings of resentment, anger, hurt and indignation and every single day, for months, I let these feelings land me in a really uncomfortable emotional place. When I finally learned to see them and then let them go I was able to experience those same feelings of anger but, instead of getting all indignant and upset, I could simply say “I feel angry”, accept it for what it was, and then let it go.

    I think the same might help you when you feel anxious. Please keep us posted on your progress and all my best to you.

    Ashley

    February 11, 2015 at 7:22 am #72619
    Will
    Participant

    You should know that mindfulness is not easy. Especially at first, or when you’re out of practice, or when you’re just having a bad moment. So know that it is difficult and you’re doing well. One minute is not too small to make a difference. Keep taking that one minute regularly and it will become easier.

    When you first start to pay attention to what your mind is doing it can be overwhelming, some people even feel like they’re getting worse because they notice all this nutty stuff going on in their heads. It’s a normal part of the process, and actually being aware of the nutty stuff is the first step to dealing with it.

    Good luck.

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