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  • #56594
    Jacqueline
    Participant

    this weekend i spent with a guy that im exclusively dating. i realized i dont like him as much as i thought. at the beginning i thought he was alright.. but i feel like hes to mushy, and doesnt ever make the first move. but. i realized i kind of like that, and i like the way he acts in public as well, (not so mushy lol).

    any suggestions on how i can get him to be more aggresive/assertive so i dont always have to make the first move?

    #56604
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    @asdfghjkljacque

    Jacqueline – your post made me smile. Thanks for that 🙂 . What is the harm in making the first move ? Who says that it has to be a guy who has to make the first move or all the moves ? Do you not have feelings or emotions ? Do you not like to drive your own car or run your life the way you want to ?

    Why don’t you do all the hard work first of making moves and lets hope he will learn the ropes of aggression or assertion in the process, yeah ? Would love to hear @inky and @simpleal ‘s comment on this 🙂

    And what Kelly said in earlier post still stands. Enjoy lady 🙂

    J

    #56606
    Inky
    Participant

    Hmm, that’s a tough one as you are wanting him to go against his nature. What me, myself and I would do is go Random.

    (It looks like I’m @Jasmine-3’s comedy relief, so here goes ;))…..

    1. Take a playing card deck. Shuffle. Draw. Most important rule ~ Don’t tell him you are playing!!!
    2. Spades are Disappear/Radio Silence Days. Number cards are days. i.e. Jacks are 11, Aces 1
    3. Hearts are Love Days. 2s are mere hand holding, Aces are XXX, fill in the blanks in-between 😉
    4. Clubs are Bonding Days. Do bonding type activities. 2s are a mere two word text up to Kings Deep Talks
    5. Diamonds are Out and About Days. 2 coffee shops, up to Kings ~ Diamond shopping!

    Between the hot and cold, the disappearing acts, wild intensity, whatevery feelings, the guy will, *SHOULD* go nuts!! He will flee in confusion or terror. OR he will track you down when you’ve been gone for ten days and ravish you!!

    Variety is the spice of life to stoke his fire!

    Good Luck,

    Inky

    #56607
    Inky
    Participant

    Disclaimer: The Above Advice is for Entertainment Purposes Only 😉

    #56609
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    Ha ha Inky. Bless your soul. I am sitting in a cafe hoping to finish a report before lunchtime but my heart is not in it. Your posts are much more fun and made me laugh so loud that everyone around me is probably left with a thought – I will have what she is having. As it is, I am a giggle machine lol.

    Thank you my friend. To be able to take things lightly n put a smile on someones face are 2 awesome attributes to have. We can all do with a friend like you.

    Hope Jacqueline can take the fun bits and spice up her life 😉

    #56667
    Al
    Participant

    Jacqueline,

    Unfortunately, I don’t think I can be as merry as Inky and Jasmine with my reply. Your post is quite contradictory. You state you ‘don’t like him as much as you thought’ and yet ‘kind of like’ that he’s ‘too mushy, doesn’t ever make the first move and how he acts in public’. You then ask ‘how can I make him more assertive?’. If you like how he doesn’t make the first move, why do want him to be assertive? Is this not the opposite of what you like? I am quite confused thereby unsure how to answer.

    In addition, we should never try to change someone for our own benefits. Such actions are selfish. Imagine if you role reversed and he were the one to have posted this post on these forums. How would this make you feel? Would you like it if he tried to change you with the answers he’s given? While it isn’t wrong to change/influence others, we should only do so to aid them; so that they may grow into more beautiful beings. It is entirely possible that I may be reading your post incorrectly. If so, please help me understand.

    Al

    #56670
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Jacqueline,

    I understand what you’re saying. You are desired by him, but he’s not showing it enough. You want to be pursued sometimes. This is entirely healthy and right of you in my opinion. Also this is potentially a touchy or embarrassing subject so I understand how you wrote your post.

    I have a question: could he be afraid of you rejecting him? How does he handle rejection? I can relate to this one… although not so much in an exclusive relationship.

    Another question: is he on a different page than you on frequency? That is, if you want to be together more frequently than he does. I ask because I was in a relationship where she made the first move more frequently vs. where I was. Without sharing TMI, in essence I never/rarely got a chance to make the first move. This became an issue with us so I know communication and openness are crucial. If this is at all possible, that you are “this much” and he’s “this much minus N,” (not that this is math) what if you wait a while and see what he does? The other question is: is he really passionate? He may be slow to make the first move, but 100% passion can be all the cure.

    Big blue

    #56777
    Jacqueline
    Participant

    No, He isnt passionate about much, which was a reason that i lost some interest in him, i try to get him excited about life but i dont know what to do, anyways i told him communication was important and im open with him but i think hes afraid to be open with me. he probably thinks ill stop talking to him, how do i explain that i want him to be himself, and express his thoughts without cutting himself short?

    #56786
    Kelly
    Participant

    Jacqueline, forgive me for being judgmental, but is this the same guy from your other post? He was a former flame from high school with whom you were getting together for the first time in years this past weekend. How is it, that only a week later you are “exclusively dating” and you’re already trying to change him? Is it possible that this just isn’t a good match? If you’re basing your entire perception of him on one weekend, which was essentially one long first date, don’t you think you’re jumping to conclusions a bit? I would suggest you let the relationship organically develop and see how you like it. Enjoy the ride. You are in the early stages of dating, just getting to know each other and your behaviors.

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