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June 14, 2019 at 11:56 am #299191
AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Basically, anxiety is the human condition, you are anxious and he is anxious and the two of you want to be calm and feel okay. Question is, will the two of you find a way to help each other feel okay? Somehow, if the two of you communicated better, and figured out how to make life somewhat better for each one of you via of a friendship or a relationship, that would be excellent!
anita
June 14, 2019 at 12:00 pm #299193
lindseyParticipantAnita,
I guess we will see. I’ve got some of my own stuff to work on definitely that comes first.
Lindsey
June 14, 2019 at 12:14 pm #299195AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Absolutely, take care of yourself first. I will be away from the computer for a few hours.
anita
June 16, 2019 at 6:49 am #299359lindseyParticipantAnita,
overall the weekend has been good. Yesterday I worked out, had coffee, took a nap and went to the movies. It was a pretty awesome day.
yesterday I asked k to text me later because I wanted to address this quiet time he is having which was after Tuesday when he was tipsy. He said ok but never texted.
I think it’s past time to move on. I don’t really feel sad or anything I just don’t understand. I’m not sure what to do if he tries to contact me.
I’m meeting the kids and mom this afternoon I’ll keep you posted.
Lindsey
June 16, 2019 at 7:15 am #299361AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
I am glad you had a pretty awesome day yesterday.
Regarding K, I agree. He is not reliable and if you are to have a relationship, even a friendship with a man (beyond a casual acquaintance), the man has to be reliable, dependable.
I am looking forward to reading from you about the meeting this afternoon.
anita
June 16, 2019 at 11:22 am #299369lindseyParticipantAnita,
Help. Plans have changed and I’m meeting my mom for dinner. I’m going to ask that the kids go too. They r driving back from Chicago.
Also, I sent a Snapchat to k earlier stating I was upset that he didn’t text and it shows he doesn’t give a shit. He sent a massage saying “what” which I responded with what? And he hasn’t opened that message and it’s been 2 hours.
I really feel like I need to let the situation go. I’m really embarrassed that I sent something in the first place but I was pissed so I’m kind of not. I just feel like this is unhealthy.
Lindsey
June 16, 2019 at 11:48 am #299371AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
You can cancel the meeting with your mother if you want. You owe her nothing at all. K – I am done with him, personally, as an option for you, I have no reasonable hope of anything good coming out of this. Use this day to rest and do something nice for yourself. I will be away from the computer and back in about 17 hours from now. I will keep the computer on from a few more moments in case you reply right away.
anita
June 17, 2019 at 5:51 am #299429lindseyParticipantAnita,
I’m here at work and wondering how I got dressed and made it here. I feel like I’m on auto pilot.
I promised my dad I would meet with mom and it did not turn out well. She stayed the night at my ex’s house which I was not in agreement with and we just did not have a good visit because of how upset I am with the lack of boundaries and what I view as disrespect. This cannot be addressed with her or my dad as they do not see my point of view and feel they are just trying to see their grandkids. At this point I am going to continue no contact with my mom because all yesterday did was make me feel bad.
One last conversation with K, which should have never happened was yesterday. I should have stopped this at least one week ago. Nothing new was said that you and I don’t know. I just feel bad about myself in general after the last week or 2 of exchanges with him.
I feel hopeless.
Lindsey
June 17, 2019 at 6:05 am #299433AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
After being away from the computer yesterday, I thought to myself: you met the ex husband, M and K at work, this big company that employ so many people in the small town where you live. Better not attempt a friendship or a relationship with any more men within this company, where you work!
K- what a shame. You indicated before a few things that read promising, him wanting to take it slow so to get to know you, treating you respectfully… but fast forward a bit and these turn out to be only words. How easy it is to say words, takes so little effort and so little time, but to follow through, that takes time, effort, intent, and some honesty and decency through time.
You are at work right now, do you have visuals of K (or M or your ex husband) through the day?
anita
June 17, 2019 at 6:09 am #299437lindseyParticipantAnita,
My ex works in a different building. I don’t really have visuals of M or K throughout the day. I would say I might run into on of them say once a week? either going to the bathroom or cafeteria, stuff like that.
June 17, 2019 at 6:19 am #299441AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
I am wondering, do you have your three kids living with you part of the time, a shared custody situation or does the ex have sole custody and you get them to visit you?
anita
June 17, 2019 at 6:33 am #299445lindseyParticipantAnita,
We share custody 50/50, just 2 kids. I moved out into an apartment. The ex still has the house.
Lindsey
June 17, 2019 at 6:55 am #299447AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Right, 6 and 7 year old, and you moved to your own apartment in March, three months ago. As you can see, all the time spent with or mostly worrying about M before, and recently K- didn’t get you to a better place, been pretty much a waste of time and energy. For the purpose of a relationship with a man, there better be a better way to go about it, starting with the choice of a man, and then choose again within a few weeks of getting to know him, if it is a go or a no-go.
Your two kids, any time and effort you spend on them will not be a waste. And so, invest in them, in your six and seven year old, focus on them.
Keep updating me on how you feel today, will you?
anita
June 17, 2019 at 7:28 am #299449lindseyParticipantAnita,
Ok I will. I agree with you completely about the men. A waste of worry and time. I tried calling my mom and just saying hey a good boundary would be for you to stay in a hotel versus stay in ex’s house. She said she will stay where the kids stay. It didn’t go far, just upset me. I ended the call saying I just can’t have anything to do with her right now.
I just really want to have a relationship with my mom and the only way to do that is to accept how she does things even though I really disagree with them.
Lindsey
June 17, 2019 at 8:56 am #299457AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Earlier today you wrote: “At this point I am going to continue no contact with my mom” but less than two hours ago you wrote: “I just really want to have a relationship with my mom”-
– so you want a relationship with her after a temporary no contact? If so, what will have to happen for you to end the no contact and pursue a relationship with her (and what kind of relationship)?
anita
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