Home→Forums→Relationships→Need advice asap
- This topic has 869 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 3 years, 9 months ago by
Anonymous.
-
AuthorPosts
-
September 27, 2019 at 9:49 am #314699
lindseyParticipantAnita,
yes, I will try these things as soon as it starts. I am waiting too late to try and relax.
Honestly I don’t what to do about K either except stick to my rules because they do drastically lower my anxiety and they work. I think everyone has expectations, it’s part of life. Thank you for saying not to worry, it makes me feel better.
Lindsey
September 27, 2019 at 10:01 am #314705
AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
I like it when I say something that makes you feel better. So two things:
1. Notice the beginning of fear and do something to relax.
2. Follow the rules.
– Have a relaxing weekend and post anytime, today, tomorrow, whenever you feel like.
anita
October 1, 2019 at 8:34 am #315341lindseyParticipantAnita,
My anxiety has been ok for the last few days. If I read over my past posts I would say my anxiety has decreased quite a bit. No texts to hang out over the weekend but that was expected, probably more by you than me lol. K will send a text or 2 to check in almost everyday if we don’t talk very much. Maybe this friend thing will work out with him. Hope you are having a good week.
Lindsey
October 1, 2019 at 8:40 am #315343AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Good to read from you this morning. Glad your anxiety has been okay for the last few days. I was wondering how you are). My week is fine, thank you.
“Maybe this friend thing will work out with him”- maybe, I hope so. You hope so. We can’t help hoping for good things to happen to us in life. It is a good thing that sometimes we can make good things happen, and prevent bad things from happening- the Rules come handy in this regard.
anita
October 2, 2019 at 6:51 am #315511lindseyParticipantAnita,
I’ve noticed something since yesterday that I’ve been thinking about and want y0ur input. I feel like (and I hate to admit this because it sounds immature) there are times at work that I’m maybe a little more vocal or talk a little more or just am a bit louder because….well, I’m seeking attention from K. I really hate to type that lol. I mean to an extent I’m seeking attention and that’s human nature. Anyway, I’m going to take it hour by hour and try to just be quiet and not talk too much. I’m not going to be completely silent, just try to be I guess more “normal.”
Lindsey
October 2, 2019 at 7:46 am #315525AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
I figure, because you feel uncomfortable yourself with how loud and how much you talk, then mindfully (that is, attentively) lower your volume and talk less. Don’t worry about doing it perfectly- there is no such thing for anyone- no one can determine the.. perfect volume and amount of talking. Simply lower the volume some, and talk less than before.
When you notice your volume is up- bring it down some. When you notice that you talked too much, complete your sentence and take a break from talking.
Practice this and let me know how it works today, will you?
anita
October 3, 2019 at 6:48 am #315727lindseyParticipantAnita,
So yesterday morning I did better. I think I feel uncomfortable with myself in general. I asked a friend if I was being loud and they said no. So maybe some of this is in my head but I do think at times I can be a little quieter and I’m going to continue to focus on that. K is being consistent with his behavior. I do feel stressed out with work and next Wednesday is mediation. I just feel some pressure on my shoulders coming from different directions.
Lindsey
October 3, 2019 at 9:18 am #315795AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Take one hour, one day at a time. Today at work, one hour at a time. Make it easier on yourself best you can. Regarding being loud, when anxious, our hearing gets better, we hear things louder than when we are calm. So it is possible that you are not louder, but you hear yourself more acutely.
anita
October 4, 2019 at 7:53 am #315983lindseyParticipantAnita,
Ok so I think I know what is really behind this recent anxiety. One, mediation is next week so I feel a bit stressed waiting for it. Mostly-I’m realizing honestly to myself that K is not right for me the more I get to know him. I’ve said similar things before to you but thought in my head if he wanted more I would say yes. Now-I would prbably say no. I think sometimes working right next to someone is almost like living with them to a less degree.
He is a good person but he is not…trying to better himself. I see the age difference to an extent. He likes drinking and watching football and playing the fantasy draft online…and just kind of staying as is.
It’s hard to explain. It’s also hard to admit to myself because once my mind is focused on something, it can be hard to let that go.
Lindsey
October 4, 2019 at 8:30 am #316001AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
From what you shared the mediator has your and your children’s best interest in mind and wants to get the best financial resolution for you- that is the goal of the mediation. Try to not overthink it.
Regarding K, “drinking and watching football and playing the fantasy draft online.. and just kind of staying as is”-
– not a good deal for you because you need someone to want to have quality time with you, to value your company more than football and fantasy draft. (Well, I understand many men are so very passionate about football, so during games, he may be unavailable).
anita
October 7, 2019 at 7:43 am #316465lindseyParticipantAnita,
Hope Monday finds you well. My weekend was anxiety free and I’m looking forward to more days with less anxiety. Friday and Saturday with the kids, lots of pizza and soccer games. Sunday I went with my friend Shelly to a town about 1 1/2 hours away so we could go to Trader Joe’s and eat lunch, walk around town. There are these small succulent skeleton plants-I bought 4 lol. I actually gave one to K and another to a coworker Kelly. K snapchated with me Friday, I wanted to break the rule Sunday but I did not.
I don’t know who I’m kidding btw, if he said he was ready for a relationship I would say yes. I don’t know.
Lindsey
October 7, 2019 at 8:15 am #316479AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
I too hope you have more and “more days with less anxiety”, good to read you spend a good time with your kids, (and that they spent a good time with you!)
I love Trader Joe’s and travel weekly myself to the nearest city where there is one, 45 minutes away. That was nice of you to gift a plant to Kelly and K.
No need to kid yourself- you do like K and have liked him for a long time. I know that. And congratulations on not breaking a rule Sunday!!!
anita
October 10, 2019 at 7:08 am #317101lindseyParticipantAnita,
It’s been kind of a rough morning. It seems like stress can build up with me and I don’t realize it until it slaps me in the face. I’m a bit more reactive, easily irritated, etc. I don’t see these things until afterwards. Yesterday I was stressed out at work as mediation was at 2pm and I was worried about it. A customer ended up asking for my supervisor complaining about me. Mediation went ok, we just have to go back in 2 weeks to sign paperwork but it just didn’t improve my mood at all.
This morning I can see things clearly. I was overly stressed out yesterday, was reactive at work (my reactivity has been building) and now I just feel bad about myself. The problem is now I will be hyperaware of my reactivity and better at work with customers but in about 3 months I will start to downslide. I just feel embarrassed- K and everyone else that sits next to me at work must have noticed. My mom is coming next week to help with the kids because my ex is going out of town for a week. I think the best thing to do is not really be around her much, just let her spend time with the kids.
I just feel like people around me can see my stress level and reactivity and I’m embarrassed. I feel like I’m riding the crazy train and no one wants to be around me.
Lindsey
October 10, 2019 at 8:07 am #317109AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
When we feel anxious, it feels badly, like there is something wrong with us and everyone can see it, everyone sees it and thinks: there is something wrong with ___. Even as we try our best to appear .. normal, we are afraid it shows, that something-is-wrong with us. Almost as if others can read our thoughts or interpret our facial expressions, volume of our voice accurately and find us out, find out we are totally weird.
Reality is either other people are going through the same thing, and appearing normal to us (their efforts successful), and they are not even thinking about how weird you are, being too busy to hide their weirdness, or- they are busy otherwise, thinking about what happened in their lives yesterday, what will happen next month when they have to change apartments, what is their partner doing right now and is he/ she cheating or whatnot.
People are very busy in that distance between the ears. As busy as you are, so they don’t have the time and space to think about you. You have to take off your clothes at work and dance naked if you want everyone to pay attention to you!
So you sit there and think: how is my voice, is it too loud.. how is my face, does it show? No one pays attention!
anita
October 10, 2019 at 8:14 am #317113lindseyParticipantAnita,
Yes! That is exactly how I feel. Like my anxiety is a tattoo on my skin. Going to try and relax tomorrow, do some self-care. Thank you for your guidance.
Lindsey
-
AuthorPosts
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 