October 10, 2019 at 8:50 am #317127
You are welcome. Try and relax today, not just tomorrow. Right now, anytime.
anitaOctober 10, 2019 at 11:16 am #317165
I don’t know what’s going on with me right now but I think it’s my depression. I can’t really answer why or what is leading up to this I’m now realizing it’s my depression acting up and it’s maybe been here for a few days. Definitely the stress of mediation and my mom has not helped.
I feel weepy, almost in tears several times today. Looking at the clock just trying to make it through today as I’m not coming in tomorrow. My depression also makes me look for reassurance from others, talking about the stress of work etc. I feel like there is a spot light on my and everyone can see even though really they can’t – this is what my brain is telling me. K has been quiet and I just can’t even deal with that crap right now. Maybe him not talking is a good thing currently.
I’m not sure what to do. My mom is coming for a visit next week and I just said fine-can’t deal with you right now-I just will not be around much when you are here visiting and helping with the kids b/c ex is out of town. She said I should have made an effort on my own to come to her and offer to come with the kids the week before Christmas or the week after and is really upset me.
LindseyOctober 10, 2019 at 11:40 am #317171
Reads to me that your mother coming to visit is depressing you, not something you are looking forward to, that’s for sure. You are kind of stuck with that visit, not wanting it to happen. Did I get it right?
anitaOctober 10, 2019 at 11:56 am #317175
yes, I think so. That may be the cause of me feeling this way, I’m not really sure-my thoughts are muddy, not very clear. The best thing for me to do I think-what do you think? is to continue to not reach out to K, ride the wave through this weekend and try to relax, let her spend time with the kids and not be around much. She is here I think Saturday through Wednesday and I’ll be working during the week.
LindseyOctober 10, 2019 at 12:02 pm #317177
Best thing for you to do is to keep the rules with K, for one thing. The rules are important. And regarding your mother- yes, “let her spend time with the kids and not be around much”, better not be around at all- if you can manage that, to not see your mother unless it is absolutely necessary, for practical reasons, and only for as long as is necessary, not beyond.
anitaOctober 13, 2019 at 8:02 am #317573
Where do I start? I just had a cycle of mania/depression. I think I have them anywhere from 3 to 6 months apart. Some worse than others. My depression meets ever classic checklist. It hit Thursday and I’m still pulling myself out but am starting to feel better today. I’m not 100% sure of my mania. I know I was having good days over the last few weeks. Maybe you have some insight. Definitely more impulsive and less patient this always comes out at work. But my stress has been building.
So now again is the fixing. Looking up natural remedies for anxiety, less caffeine, until the next cycle hits. It takes its toll.
LindseyOctober 13, 2019 at 9:27 am #317591
I think your mother’s visit has a lot to do with your mood fluctuation. Regarding mania/ depression- what happens when we get very depressed, the brain tends to overcompensate by getting manic- we kind of lose the balance. This is more acute I suppose with some people but it is not outside the human experience. In other words, the brain gets so sick-and-tired of being depressed that it takes vacations.
Don’t be alarmed. Minimize your contact with your mother when she visits. She is already there, with your kids???
anitaOctober 13, 2019 at 10:08 am #317609
i agree. She gets here next Saturday. Not planning on sticking around much. How can a person be so responsible for my mood fluctuations? I always thought it was more genetic but maybe not?
LindseyOctober 13, 2019 at 10:10 am #317611
There is no person more powerful in a child’s life than the mother. It doesn’t change as we become adult children, she the mother (when the relationship was a problem early on) remains The Most Powerful Person in our lives. So no wonder.
anitaOctober 14, 2019 at 6:52 am #317721
I am feeling much better today. Not 100% but better. I want to get better at realizing when I’m going downhill. Part of the problem believe it or not is that sometimes I have different symptoms, or some are worse than others. I’m not sure if you have noticed through email (probably not) but in the last few weeks I’ve been sleepy, easily irritated ( at work it’s been my tone of voice with customers, how I say things), isolating, those are the main ones.
I just feel embarrassed because I know my coworkers that sit around me have noticed-I asked my coworker that sits next to me. She’s older, very funny, pretty direct. She laughed about it but I didn’t really.
I just want to find a way of not having to play clean up after every episode. There is no calling card time frame or anything. Not seasons. But possibly stress.
LindseyOctober 14, 2019 at 7:28 am #317729
I am glad you are feeling better this Monday morning
What did your “older, very funny, pretty direct” co worker say when you asked her: what did you ask her and what did she say (besides laughing)?
“I want to get better at realizing when I’m going downhill”- good plan. But at anytime that you do notice that you are on the downhill route, think this to yourself: I don’t have to keep going downhill. I can stop where I am and rest for a moment and figure out what I need to do (stay where you are or climb up).
anitaOctober 14, 2019 at 7:38 am #317735
I asked her if I sounded short or rude on the phone because I thought my problem is how I say things not what I say. She 100% agreed saying there were a few times she heard me on the phone and kind of cringed. I was like oh boy.
My close friend Ben said he noticed that my behavior has been erratic the last few weeks.
The main problem is I don’t know when I’m going downhill. Sometimes when I’m about to hit bottom I realize something is not right but I am unable to hold onto that thought for a solution if that makes sense. My friend Ben’s description as “erratic” I believe hits home. I cannot focus on one single thing, I get easily irritated but move onto the next thing quickly, pile things on top of one another. Kind of like if you were going into a supermarket lets say, for the first time, and you are hungry but only have $5.00. There are hundreds of options in front of you to pick from. Most of them don’t have the price on the item. And you are walking around trying to 1. find your way around the store. 2. find an employee who knows the price. 3. find something cheap. 4. It’s super crowded and people are yelling.
LindseyOctober 14, 2019 at 8:01 am #317739
I see you are besides yourself (two Lindsey, lol).
I asked about the conversation with your co worker because you can ask her to let you know when she notices that you sound rude on the phone. This way, you can have her help you notice when you are going downhill (“The main problem is I don’t know when I’m going downhill”).
Regrading the supermarket example, an example to your going-downhill state of mind at work: get out of the supermarket. In other words, you see all the items with no price tag, you feel spaced out, don’t know where to go in the store, what to do next- leave. Or in other words, take a time out.
Why don’t you take a time out at work regularly, every hour, let’s say at X:15 (or as close to it as possible) and walk someplace where you can be alone and relax, some different environment, different scenery in the building or outside, take a few breaths, return to calm and then go back to work, until the next hour, do the same. Want to try that?
October 14, 2019 at 8:08 am #317743
- This reply was modified 9 months ago by anita.
Yes! I will try both. Thank you so much.
LindseyOctober 14, 2019 at 8:26 am #317747
You are welcome. Let me know how it goes.