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March 3, 2020 at 7:37 am #341108
AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Congratulations for closing on your new condo next week! And it is wonderful that you are getting along really well with your mother and will be staying there for Easter.
Regarding Derrick: he responded that February “turned out pretty great.. because we met”- that was sweet of him to say that, and assuming it is true for him, he was sweet and truthful. Your reply: “really why is that?”- meaning it didn’t occur to you that it was a great thing that you met him. Rephrasing what you told him: why do you think it was a great thing that we met? I don’t! His response: lol as in: how embarrassing for me, my bad.
You then wrote to me: “I don’t understand why my brain is telling me he’s not going to text me again”- if he is an honest guy who really enjoyed having met you last month (not in person, I understand), then I figure his feelings are hurt.
anita
March 3, 2020 at 8:03 am #341114
lindseyParticipantAnita,
Well when I wrote “why is that” to his remark of it being a pretty good month, I used an emoji that I was joking around. It was a smiley face winking. I think he understand I was joking….I don’t see how he couldn’t….I’m not sure how to respond or move forward. I think that’s the thing with texting and video. It’s not a back and forth threat.
Lindsey
March 3, 2020 at 8:31 am #341122AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Well, that emoji that makes all the difference! A winking smiley face gives a totally different context t the words you sent him. It is a very likely possibility that he’s been communicating with a number of women at one time, being that dating apps do provide this opportunity, multiple women to communicate/flirt with. This explains a man taking breaks between texting and disappearing altogether.
Imagine little to no technology: a man meets a woman in person and she is the only woman around that he knows about. Well, he is likely to pay attention to her because it is she or no one that he knows about. Dating apps on phones being carried around everywhere and.. well, I’ve seen an elderly woman on the phone going between Senior Citizen Match. com and Plenty of Fish, back and forth.
anita
March 3, 2020 at 8:37 am #341126lindseyParticipantAnita,
That is true lol. I think I’ve only known him a week. I need take a step back. Focus on the important things going on and try my best not to stress out or reach out to him. It’s my belief he should be trying to reach out to me-if he’s not, then it’s not really worth my time or energy. I tend to get OCD about certain things and not think about the fact that he has faults and I need to figure out if I’m really interested in him. Especially with him living 3 hours away.
Lindsey
March 3, 2020 at 9:01 am #341136AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Yes, better focus on more important things. Regarding online dating, always remember the competition, that while a man is chatting with you, he is most likely chatting with other women, and as time goes on, he may come back to you or not. Don’t think of any kind of exclusivity with a man you meet on a dating app until such exclusivity is discussed and agreed to on both sides after getting to know each other long enough.
anita
March 3, 2020 at 1:07 pm #341200lindseyParticipantAnita,
So yeah I texted him about 2 hours ago. I had an idea that he was giving the brush off. In a sense I was wanting it to be done and over with instead of watching the hours and days go by with no messages from him. Especially sense on the app I found him on, you can go in and see if they are active online and he never was. So he responded fine and then I asked him to send some funny videos later and he never replied. So I asked what was wrong why was he being weird. This was on snapchat and you can see when they open the message. After about 10 minutes I just deleted by message, deleted his number, and unfriended him on facebook and snapchat.
So in the end, I didn’t get my answer. I have no idea what happened in the span of a day. I have a rock sitting in my stomach. My mother said being divorced twice and 5 kids would have been a red flag for her, plus the long distance, 3 hours.
I feel awful. Awful for staring to like this person and just awful in general. I don’t feel like I’m cut out for any of this stuff.
Lindsey
March 3, 2020 at 1:43 pm #341216AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
You wanted to feel better after feeling badly about the ex so you went on a dating app, for the purpose of feeling better, and the result: “I feel awful”.
I can see being successful at feeling better as a result of going on a dating app only if you are absolutely fine with communicating with different individuals, having no expectation of exclusive or lasting communication with any man you meet online. No expectations= no awful feeling. If you can’t manage to have this attitude in regard to dating apps, don’t go there!!!
There are other ways to feel better- socializing with new people not in the context of dating and romance.
Don’t know what that would be. I see groups of people in my small town- USA having meetups such as art classes taking place from time to time in a local taproom, people gathering for trivia night (not late at night), and such. Maybe you can find something that will fit you?
anita
March 3, 2020 at 1:48 pm #341218lindseyParticipantAnita,
I don’t know how not to have expectations really. Especially when they ask me what I’m looking for and that 3 hours isn’t a long drive and they tell me all about themselves and ask about me. I keep going back to how this guy actually seemed interested in me and WHY do things like this keep happening to me.
I guess I’m not ready for the app or for dating.
Lindsey
March 3, 2020 at 2:17 pm #341224AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Remember that each guy you talk with on a dating app is talking to five, ten, or more women on the same day he is talking with you, asking all the women similar questions. If you keep that in mind, you wouldn’t take whatever a dating app man tells you seriously until you meet him in-person and repeatedly.
anita
March 3, 2020 at 2:19 pm #341226lindseyParticipantAnita,
Ok. I agree with you-it’s just hard to see that with this guy. I definitely saw that with the other men I briefly spoke with on the app. This was my first online experience. But… I’m just sensitive and take things too much to heart I know.
Lindsey
March 3, 2020 at 2:43 pm #341234AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
“I’m just sensitive and take things too much to heart”- be selective as to the people you are sensitive to. Get to know a person first, in person, repeatedly, before you take what he says deep into your heart.
anita
March 22, 2020 at 4:25 pm #344670AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
We didn’t know, last we communicated that a pandemic will be declared and extreme measures taken. I imagine the kids are with you and/ or with the ex. I wonder how you are managing these very difficult times. Keep yourself and your kids as safe as possible.
anita
March 24, 2020 at 7:00 am #344976lindseyParticipantAnita,
I hope this message finds you well with everything that is going on. Logging in I realized that I started talking with you one year ago. So much as happened and I feel like I am a new person. I am doing pretty good. We are working from home and have a tentative return date of April 3rd. I moved into my condo Saturday and have been very busy getting moved in and everything put together; it’s lots of work but I am very happy with the outcome.
I have met someone. His name is George. He is pretty amazing so far. A very good man. I will keep you updated on him. He lives 4 hours away unfortunately. I met him on a dating app about a month ago. We are supposed to meet up in less than 2 weeks. I am excited.
Take care of yourself.
Lindsey
March 24, 2020 at 7:59 am #344984AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Good to read from you, thank you and do take care of yourself and your children as well. So good to read that you are doing well, so very good. I was wondering if you moved to your condo and you did, excellent. And you met a man who is a very good man, excellent- you do need a very good man in your life, nothing less than that. Update me/ post otherwise anytime you want to.
anita
March 19, 2021 at 6:05 am #376281AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
How are you??
anita
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