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- This topic has 4 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 3 months ago by Kinny.
December 8, 2013 at 5:08 pm #46412AnnaParticipant
Hello, I’m Anna, this is my very first post here and this looks like a great community, hoping to receive some advice on something I’ve been having an issue with for quite some time…sorry for how long it is, I would really appreciate the advice though! 🙂
Basically, a lot of the people around me have extremely negative energy, and it has been getting worse and worse to the point where it’s really affecting me. I ended up cutting off most of my “friends”, because they were not very nice to me, made me feel bad about myself all the time, and made cutting remarks. My mother is the same way, so I am working on not letting her affect me and keeping my distance (I live alone, so that helps a lot in that aspect). I didn’t have that many friends to begin with (I have social anxiety and am kind of introverted), but I knew being without them is better than being around fake friends(I tried using techniques to not let them get to me, but it got so bad that I felt like all I could do was cut them off.) My mother is family,so I can’t really cut her off, especially because we’ve been close for such a long time, but I also feel like our closeness is a lot of the reason why I’m so unhappy & negative myself. I lived with her for most of my life (I’m 24 and moved out last year), so I feel like that definitely would have a tendency to rub off on me. She’s also extremely manipulative. My self-esteem is terrible with all of her shooting me down and it’s hard for me to feel like I’m worth anything. I was also emotionally abused as a kid by my (ex)step-mother, from 9 until I was 18 years old, so there’s a lot of self-esteem issues there. I’m just feeling really lonely and lost. I want to learn how to love myself so I can give off positive energy and befriend other happy people as well,b ut I’m not sure how to start…
Has anyone else ever been in this situation? What did you do about it?
~AnnaDecember 8, 2013 at 8:43 pm #46442sandyParticipant
I was just about to post something similar – how to get through others’ negativity and not let it affect you. Maybe by responding to you, I can see some answers myself.
I believe that everyone in our lives provides us with an opportunity to practice compassion and acceptance for life as it is. So, in situations where you’re around negativity, like with your mom, allow yourself the space to accept the moment and see that anything – feelings, voices which cause you to want to turn and leave or shut down, are simply the voices of your conditioning or your ego, which wants us to feel separate and disconnected from others and to focus on what’s wrong.
So, knowing this, I myself am unable to practice. My parents, whom I moved back in with a few months ago (I am old enough to have teenage children), are both hyper-critical of myself and others. Nothing but negativity comes out of my father’s mouth. Before I moved back with them, I was able to have compassion for them and see their suffering. Now that I’m back, the feelings of low self-worth and negativity that I felt from my childhood have returned. Ironic because I was on a roll with self-discovery and learning to accept myself and cast off all my critical nature that wanted to judge and be separate from the world. I’m thinking this is my ultimate test – if I can find the love, positivity and acceptance that I want, I have to do the same. Accept their critical natures and not take it personally. I think if I work on building self-acceptance and acceptance for all things in my life, I might even have the courage to speak up and let others know how I feel. If they don’t want me around, again, I won’t take it personally. I believe things will naturally fall away that aren’t in alignment with how we live our lives. And I do strongly believe that our lives can only be filled with what we are/what we see.
As for the self-esteem, I’ve found lots of great Tiny Buddha articles and posts. I’ve found it needs to be a constant practice – to re-wire the brain, otherwise we will fall into our conditioned selves of low self-esteem and negativity. In addition to meditation, following a self-acceptance practice, and reading positive stories, I’m starting to get into the neuroscience aspect. This article about the brain – being a person who needs to understand how things work, it really helped me: http://www.ancientbrain.net/home/science-behind-stress-anxiety-ancient-brain/
I think we can rise above, Anna. I struggle with this daily; it’s probably the biggest challenge of my life, but one I see as necessary to be able to live and stand on my own in a life full of love. I thank you so much for posting. Having the opportunity to reply has given me some clarity.
I would like to hear how other people work with these types of situations.
December 8, 2013 at 8:45 pm #46443JosephParticipant
- This reply was modified 9 years, 3 months ago by sandy.
Very sorry to hear that you have had to go through all that, but happy to see you reaching out.
My suggestion is more positive people in your life. That can be a bit challenging as an introvert but we’ll worth the effort. My suggestion, go to meetup.com find some activity groups you are interested in and you will meet lots of people many of which will have much better energy as you put it.
You seem very articulate and I am sure lots of people will want to get to know you better when you put yourself out there.December 8, 2013 at 10:16 pm #46447SreeParticipant
I went through the same issues that you have been suffering with.. Let me tell you one thing make it very clear in your brain that , if you have the power to take in all that negativity, you do have the power to take that out of you and lead a very good life. Have a positive attitude towards yourself and anything that happens in your life. Whenever you feel hurt from within, just smile and walk out. Try chanting ‘om’ for a while. It might help too. Trust me it helps. There are many good people in this world, who I’m sure would like your company. Be patient and give time to yourself. Learn new skills and stay confident.December 9, 2013 at 3:15 am #46456KinnyParticipant
From my experience Al Anon has helped me undo a lot of damaging beliefs I had for a long time. I would highly recommend it. It is supposed to be for people who are friends and family of alcoholics, but honestly anyone with a dysfunctional and hostile upbringing could probably relate and glean something from it.