June 9, 2013 at 3:37 pm #36635
I’ve suffered with depression for many years, and have tried to achieve happiness by trying to think positively which, a couple of years ago, helped a lot. But in the last year or so I have experienced some distressing things which have led to my depression getting worse and also I have very low self esteem now as well. I wonder if anyone has any tips on how to stop feeling negative and having negative thoughts? I feel that I am constantly looking for the negative in a situation (since having the bad experiences, I almost feel ‘safer’ if I expect the worst to happen) but this mentality is causing me to feel down all the time. I can’t seem to find any positives in life anymore and just want to turn this around!June 9, 2013 at 10:30 pm #36639samir sahaParticipant
Hi Ella, you have not mentioned what is the reason for your depression and negativity in your thoughts hence lets talk about the basics of being happy always.
Firstly you have will to completely accept your situation no matter how bad it it. Thinking again and again about what is missing or whatever has gone wrong will not fix it.
Secondly minimize your expectation with people around you. Unmet expectation are the major reason for frustration and unhappiness.
If I am unable to make myself clear you can check below attached articles.That might be of help.
Good Luck 🙂June 10, 2013 at 2:01 am #36640
Hi Samir thank you for your reply. I have looked at both of the very helpful links you provided and read the words you have sent. However, I wonder if you have any tips (from personal experience) as to how to feel positive whilst keeping expectations low? I find that if I do not expect my expectations to be met, this can also lead me to feel down. Thank you again for your help I appreciate it.June 10, 2013 at 2:18 am #36642
Perhaps I should also say, the negative experiences I have had in recent years are linked to relationship, partner as well as friendship, issues.June 10, 2013 at 2:38 am #36643samir sahaParticipant
Hi Ella, thanks for reading the recommended articles.
It is a human tendency to expect from people and situations. I am not asking to start thinking that your expectation will not be met. All what is required is to be prepared that things might not turn out as you have expected.
I will give you an examples from my life..when I enter in to my office every morning I don’t expect my boss to appreciate my previous day work. I focus on what is in my hand..that is doing my job with maximum efficiency…My boss reactions might have influence of traffic jam or his wife’s weird behavior at the breakfast table this morning.
Focus on your actions not on the reaction which come in return. Do best with what is in your control and focus least on what is out of your control.
Remember “Life is 1% how you make it and 99 % how you take it”
I am not aware of your real problem, if you could help me with your exact situation I might suggest something helpful. You can mail me if that is not a problem email@example.com.June 10, 2013 at 3:38 am #36650BobParticipant
Probably one of the best lessons I have learned is that I DO NOT have to listen to negative thought patterns. It is my choice to do so but instead I can replace these unwanted messages with something good. Not only is good positive energy good for me, it is of benefit to others. Whether we choose to believe it or not what we have inside of us, we spread onto others we come in contact with. Think of it as the common cold, so I choose to erase negative thoughts and not act upon them by becoming absorbed with the good things in life.June 10, 2013 at 9:08 pm #36733StraightNoChaserParticipant
Negative Thinking affects me as well but through reading a lot on the subject of affirmations I now try to stop myself fom thinking bad thoughts. I think coming here and acknowledging it, is a great first step. You should write out everything that’s bothering you and then comment on each thing in third person.
Ex, ill say “everyone hates me i suck” and then ill comment on it and say something like “that’s so ridiculous, everyone does not hate you”
Sometimes writing it out makes you realize how ridiculous most of these thoughts are.
I also have mental issues and I take these exercises very seriously and wrk on myself everyday. It’s also helpful to say “stop!” In your head when you hear yourself going down that route. Hope that helps
What bob said was very helpful as wellJune 11, 2013 at 7:51 am #36756Kathleen O’MalleyParticipant
I just wrote a blog that you might find helpful. http://www.kathleenomalleymessages.com/2013/06/dont-let-life-pass-you-by.html. It shares part of my journey and what I found helpful in my struggles. I hope it offers you some guidance. May you be guided to what brings you the most joy and peace. Be blessed. –KathleenJune 11, 2013 at 2:47 pm #36768
Hi everyone, thanks a lot for all the tips. I will try to start putting them all into action 🙂 straightnochaser, do you find that reading positive affirmations every day helps you to feel more positive? I have never tried this but have heard some people find it useful. I will also read the blog post Kathleen, thank you for directing me towards it.June 11, 2013 at 2:49 pm #36769
And thank you Bob, I like the analogy of negativity being like the common cold 🙂June 11, 2013 at 6:21 pm #36773StraightNoChaserParticipant
Yes positive affirmations have helped pull me out of the hole I’ve been digging myself in! It’s strange because I am still working on myself but everything I’ve asked for/told myself has come true. I have low self esteem and low confidence. I have sticky notes in my bathroom on the mirror. I write affirmations/goals and I read it most days and it seeps into your subconscious. You can use present tense, future tense or just general statements. Just use whatever feels natural. When the negative self talk gets really bad i just tell myself “it will be okay”. I try to see myself from another angle and I try to think of things I would tell someone who felt as badly as I do about myself.
When a friend, for example, is heart broken about a break up, we say “it’s going to be okay”. Because we know it will be okay. This might sound really cheesy but its easier to be your own best friend while you’re being your own worst enemy. It gets easier and easier.June 14, 2013 at 10:22 pm #36909LesterParticipant
The truth of the matter, there are no tips and tricks in terms on making you think better. The truth is Emotions are the driving force to what you are thinking and you must first learn to understand your emotions by acquiring more wisdom in your life before you can control what you think. As for acquiring wisdom, it requires time and patience. I had gone through a terrible situation in life and for most of my life it left me depressed. It wasn’t until I confronted my depression that I began to think in a much more calm and collected manner.