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Numb and Unsure

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This topic contains 6 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  Victoria 3 weeks, 2 days ago.

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  • #299691

    Liz
    Participant

    This guy I talked to for 2 months acted like he wanted a relationship just to get one thing to toss me aside like I am disposable.  I thought he was “the one” which left me so incredibly hurt.  Fast forward almost 2 months later…I meet this amazing guy like I mean sweet, treats me right, wants what I want… like everything about him is what I am looking for.  He is so much better than the previous asshole.  But, because of how that douchebag hurt me, I am now feeling unsure of everything.  I want to like him, but I just feel nothing.  I want to be with him, but I don’t want to string him along.  I am attracted to him and I do like him and he knows how I feel and want to take things slow, because I am not completely healed/over the past situationship.  What are y’all’s thoughts?  Could he be the one and I just created this wall because I am not used to a guy treating me right for once or is he just perfect on paper but not right for me?

    #299695

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Liz:

    How about getting to know him over time, as a friend, before considering a physically intimate relationship?  It is definitely not a good idea to get involved this way while “Numb and Unsure”.

    So explain this to him, what you shared here, meet him as a friends and a potential boyfriend-to-be, meet him in a coffee shop, a casual restaurant, a meeting with friends, a walk in the park and talk a lot. Talk a lot over time, no rushing anywhere. Does this read like a good idea?

    anita

    #299729

    Mark
    Participant

    Liz,

    Is this guy an online relationship too?  I go with that anita says, get to know him over time.  No need to “like” him especially if you know him from only online.  I have a prejudice of online relationships for communication/connection needs to be done in person for body language, vocal inflection, etc. make up almost 80% of human communication and understanding.  Plus until you two actually are physically together and deal with real life disputes and situations, then your relationship has not really matured.

    Mark

    #299813

    Liz
    Participant

    We met on social media but we have gone out 3 times.  But, I appreciate your advice and will definitely just take it day by day and hope for the best!

    #299815

    Mark
    Participant

    Liz,

    Good luck.  I also recommend getting out to socialize with people in person.  This way you won’t feel that your whole social/love life is tied to online interactions.  Group activities such as Meetup are great for that.

    Mark

    #299823

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Liz,

    I don’t know if he is The One. As there are many Ones. He does sound like a GOOD One!

    Tell him that the other guy ruined it for you, and that if he doesn’t mind can you hang out as friends this summer. He will probably say “Yes” and treat you even better (to show you he’s not THAT guy!) and will be around in the fall. By then you will know your heart and give him a chance romantically. Or not!

    Best,

    Inky

    #300321

    Victoria
    Participant

    Hi Liz,

    you just described exactly the place I am in with this new guy I have met. I also met him online and proceeded to do a lot of things in person to try and minimise just messaging online or via text. In the short time we have known each other he has met my friends, briefly a family member, I have met some of his friends, travelled and gone camping with him.

    It is very important for me to build trust, and the best way to do that is be in different situations together and see how each other acts. For example, I find that a lot of men act very true to themselves around their mates so I find it interesting to see if that version of him matches to how he is with me in private.

    Good luck though and keep your faith (:

    – V

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