Dear Laven:

“Unfortunately since I needed comfort because I have no one.. against my better judgment I contacted neighbor ghoster guy. I am very ashamed and defeated… very disappointed in myself“- please replace the shame and disappointment with yourself with empathy and compassion for yourself!

“This is just a reminder of how truly lonely I am… I am very overwhelmed. Stressed, and depressed.“- will it help you to have me as your friend, here, in the context of your thread?

This current tread is your 13th thread. You posted 13 original posts in the 13 threads, and only one reply (a 2nd post), which you didn’t address to any of your responders, and that was on March 20 this year, 5 months ago.

And that’s okay. If you don’t reply to my current post.. it’s okay. I would still like to reply to your future threads. I am offering to be your friend, here,  just in case it may help you.

“I learned that during the admission process with a social worker.. my foster mom didn’t want a dnr order. She wants resuscitation and intubation.. if her heart stops.. This is very surprising to me, because she is always depressed“- her depression did not void her desire to live, she still wants to live!

anita

When my mom was in the hospital, I saw first hand how being stuck on a bed and waking up to a pipe down your throat does to a person. My mom felt she could not breath and tried to pull out the pipes in her throat. They had to keep her sedated enough so she wouldn’t do that. My brothers all saw that. My father too. It was a DNR order after that. To us, it was better to let her go that to see her suffer. you may think the worse of me. I do not care about that. I loved my mom. But, I was not willing to see my mom suffer anymore.

When wanting someone to live no matter the suffering, one should ask if the life is more for the person or is it for you. Do you want to keep her alive for you? Or do you really believe she will recover and get better? I am not suggesting anything, other than to think. Thinking creates the atmosphere in which we live. The thoughts gives us the ability to feel and to contrive all that is needed.

I wish you well. And I wish your FM lives way beyond your expectations. Take care of yourself.

We are often affected by other’s mood or outlook. So having friends and family around may seem like the right thing. But, what we really need is that one person who can lighten up the room and makes everyone smile. Most of us do not have such a person to rely upon.

Lucky for me, I have my brothers and other’s opinion which makes the struggle a little lighter. I hope you find someone who will be there for you. Good luck.