Home→Forums→Tough Times→Oh well
- This topic has 8 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 1 month, 2 weeks ago by Helcat.
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August 21, 2024 at 9:17 pm #436481LavenParticipant
Fm isn’t doing too well still. Everyday that I check her status online, they’ve extended her stay in 3 day incriminate.
Finally spoke on the phone with her a very short time..she could barely speak, was disoriented, confused as she didn’t recognize that it was me calling (asked me who I was), her weight isn’t increasing, she sounded like she had trouble catching breaths..
Since she is in a weakened fragile frail state …and doesn’t feel well enough to speak on the phone (she’ll never admit it) she asked me to get updates from her family..
So, I’ve decided to not call anymore..unless I know her health is improving..she needs rest now.
The anniversary of my being of light, life, and fur passing from illness 3 years ago was yesterday. It was a very emotional and overwhelming day..
Unfortunately since I needed comfort because I have no one..against my better judgment I contacted neighbor ghoster guy. I am very ashamed and defeated.
I was doing well trying to adjust to him being out of my life. I am very disappointed in myself…and he let me down again and wasn’t there.. I let myself down…
Now I have to start over again and make sure that I don’t cave to loneliness.
Very disappointed and ashamed.
This is just a reminder of how truly lonely I am and the road to heightened loneliness without my fm.
I want to cultivate my own circle or group instead of relying on foster mom and her family…but all I keep receiving are immature non genuine people who lie a lot.
Although loneliness is and can be very overwhelming…”this” is too much.
Maybe I’m better just staying single and friendless.
I learned that during the admission process with a social worker..my foster mom didn’t want a dnr order. She wants resuscitation and intubation..if sher heart stops.
This is very surprising to me, because she is always depressed about her new ways of life now. Perhaps she is ready…just afraid to pass..
If not this, and she survives…it’s only a matter of time before she’s gone.
She also has mixed dementia, memory problems, and mobility issues.
I’m alwa
I am very overwhelmed. Stressed, and depressed.
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August 22, 2024 at 9:37 am #436496anitaParticipantDear Laven:
“Unfortunately since I needed comfort because I have no one.. against my better judgment I contacted neighbor ghoster guy. I am very ashamed and defeated… very disappointed in myself“- please replace the shame and disappointment with yourself with empathy and compassion for yourself!
“This is just a reminder of how truly lonely I am… I am very overwhelmed. Stressed, and depressed.“- will it help you to have me as your friend, here, in the context of your thread?
This current tread is your 13th thread. You posted 13 original posts in the 13 threads, and only one reply (a 2nd post), which you didn’t address to any of your responders, and that was on March 20 this year, 5 months ago.
And that’s okay. If you don’t reply to my current post.. it’s okay. I would still like to reply to your future threads. I am offering to be your friend, here, just in case it may help you.
“I learned that during the admission process with a social worker.. my foster mom didn’t want a dnr order. She wants resuscitation and intubation.. if her heart stops.. This is very surprising to me, because she is always depressed“- her depression did not void her desire to live, she still wants to live!
anita
August 23, 2024 at 1:50 pm #436544HelcatParticipantHi Laven
Sorry for the delay in replying! I wouldn’t beat yourself up about contacting that guy. You’re human and feeling vulnerable at the moment. Nothing wrong with that.
Regarding creating a social circle, it is hard. The way I see things there are some bad people, a lot of average people and some good people out there. It takes time to find the good ones! Just keep trying, they are out there. 😊
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
August 25, 2024 at 4:14 pm #436589TommyParticipantWhen my mom was in the hospital, I saw first hand how being stuck on a bed and waking up to a pipe down your throat does to a person. My mom felt she could not breath and tried to pull out the pipes in her throat. They had to keep her sedated enough so she wouldn’t do that. My brothers all saw that. My father too. It was a DNR order after that. To us, it was better to let her go that to see her suffer. you may think the worse of me. I do not care about that. I loved my mom. But, I was not willing to see my mom suffer anymore.
When wanting someone to live no matter the suffering, one should ask if the life is more for the person or is it for you. Do you want to keep her alive for you? Or do you really believe she will recover and get better? I am not suggesting anything, other than to think. Thinking creates the atmosphere in which we live. The thoughts gives us the ability to feel and to contrive all that is needed.
I wish you well. And I wish your FM lives way beyond your expectations. Take care of yourself.
August 25, 2024 at 6:01 pm #436592LavenParticipantI’d rather her not suffer or be coerced to live when she really doesn’t want to…even if it means suffering the rest of life without her.
This is why I have very conflicted feelings every time I have to call for emergency services…I want to respect her wishes, but I don’t want to get in trouble nor be ostracized, exhiled, and insulted if I refuse to seek help..
Sometimes she doesn’t want to go to the hospital…
It’s not my call .it’s her family’s…which probably wouldn’t respect her wishes ..she doesn’t even want to tell them she’d rather not live anymore..she’s afraid and saddened to disappoint them
August 25, 2024 at 6:37 pm #436595LavenParticipantAlso I read in her chart online that she hasn’t been in compliance with certain things the doctors instructed her to do, also she doesn’t ring the nurse for help with anything…she’s trying to do everything herself. They’ve informed the doctor and they’ve moved her room closer to the nurses station.
Idk if she’ll make it. They tell me that she’s doing better, but she is still hospitalized going on two weeks now…with daily extensions..
Also, she learned that one of her nephews (the sister that recently passed son) whom she was extremely close to passed away.
Her family reports that my fm had her bouts of confusion and it didn’t register, nor can she connect who he was.
If she survives this, I don’t think she’ll have much longer to live. She’s 92 and in poor health. She’s lost a significant amount of weight within the last 3 months, she doesn’t really eat, she’s frail and weak, and her equilibrium is off…it won’t be much longer..she even told me this herself before being hospitalized.
If she makes it home .I have a feeling she’ll develop some type of infection, have to be rushed back…and won’t make it..
She has no zest for life any longer.
August 25, 2024 at 6:58 pm #436597anitaParticipantDear Laven:
“She’s 92“- I didn’t know that she was in her 90s. For some reason, I thought she was in her later 70s, or early 80s. Few people live into their 100s, very few. Time for you to say goodbye to her, a loving, kind .. see you on the other side.. kind-of goodbye?
anita
August 26, 2024 at 9:02 pm #436640TommyParticipantWe are often affected by other’s mood or outlook. So having friends and family around may seem like the right thing. But, what we really need is that one person who can lighten up the room and makes everyone smile. Most of us do not have such a person to rely upon.
Lucky for me, I have my brothers and other’s opinion which makes the struggle a little lighter. I hope you find someone who will be there for you. Good luck.
August 27, 2024 at 11:28 am #436669HelcatParticipantHi Laven
92 is a great age. It is sad that you aren’t allowed to be there with her as she passes away. Really awful.
Sadly, it sounds like you are right that she doesn’t have much time left. It is good that the doctors and nurses are doing their best to take care of her.
Thanks for the update!
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
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