Dear Peter:

“I was thinking that we were straying into ‘fix it’ mode, both for our own reasons”- it’s difficult for me to quietly listen and reflect. It is easy for me to jump into “fix it” mode.

If I learn (in real-life and online) to listen attentively without interrupting or jumping in to offer solutions, I may create a safe space for the other person to clarify their own thoughts and feelings. Often, speaking aloud (or typing away) helps people process and make sense of their experiences. Also, when people feel listened to, they are more likely to open up more and share their true thoughts and feelings.

This can lead to more honest and open communication, showing that I respect another person’s perspective and am genuinely interested in understanding their point of view. This way, I can offer more thoughtful and effective solutions if and when the time is right. (easier said than done, of course).

How do you feel about this? Do you think it would be helpful for us to focus more on sharing and understanding each other’s perspectives, rather than trying to fix issues? I’m open to exploring different ways of engaging in our conversations.

“I have noted that you have a method you use to process the information people post and how you move from the head to the heart. Like recognizes like, so I also noted when the head stuff was being thrown up to protect the heart. In essence, we have been mirroring and suspect sometimes triggering protective habits. Its a possessive that were noticing. Maybe we have grown some?”-

– Thank you for noting my method of processing information and moving from the head to the heart. It’s interesting how we mirror each other’s approaches. I think you’re right that recognizing these patterns is a sign of growth.

I’m curious to explore more about how we can continue to support each other in further connecting to the heart space in our conversations.

“A theme within your past few posts was the reminder to treat our selves with kindness, patience, understanding, self-acceptance… I noticed a tendency withing to push the words away… What does Loving one’s Life look like?… Closing eyes… what do I feel when asked to repeat – I love my life? Not anger, not shame, a kind of detachment…”-

– I was not treated with kindness, patience, understanding and acceptance by my mother (she was pretty much a single parent) growing up. In other words, I was not loved. Therefore, I was not given the opportunity to love myself, that is, to treat myself with kindness, patience, etc. I grew up- other than times of relief, mostly in the context of day dreaming- suffering, as well as detached whenever, wherever possible.

Growing up emotionally hurting led to a need to detach.

It is only recently that I felt self-acceptance, self-compassion, etc. It amazes me that I don’t remember feeling these for over half a century.

I had no idea that it’s possible to feel these things. It’s like I never tasted a bbbamm cake because a bbbamm cake does not exist.

“Did Frodo love his life? (I see heroes of the book looking back at me annoyed…)”- Regarding Frodo and those annoyed book heroes, your mention gave me a good chuckle! I am definitely not annoyed with you, and I’m open to not being annoyed with myself. After all, annoyance is not an ingredient in a bbbamm cake!

anita