lindsey,

It is tough making that transition from being married for so long (especially when you share children) to a more independent life.

I am sorry that you are feeling shame and anxiety.

It seems that you are learning all the hard lessons of what not to do, i.e. do not jump into another relationship until you finalize the divorce (signed papers) and giving yourself at least a year of living on your own without dating.  Do not date your manager or preferably anyone you work with.

If there is healing to be had, e.g. PTSD then heal or at least be well into being healed before starting another relationship.

Guidance?  I assume you have considered leaving your current position to somewhere else where you won’t see your manager/ex-lover?

I assume that you are going to or at least considered therapy to deal with your impending divorce and PTSD.

If not then those are go places to start.

Take care,
Mark

lindsey,

I can understand replaying and regretting what has happened.  There is a therapy I read about that can supplement seeing an in person therapsit that deals with trauma (among other things).  There is traditional journaling which there are articles that guide you.  There is also another approach where you re-write your life.  It is journaling in a way but you write your own story.  It helps you take control of your life again.

I’m looking at TRE, Trauma Release Exercises for myself.  It’s appealing for I won’t need a counselor/therapist beyond that I need to learn it in order to practice it for myself.  It also is taught by other practitioners like yoga instructors.

There are a myriad of other modalities that help PTSD like EMDR, EFT, and others.

Right now, try journaling as the first step.  Look up ways on how best approach that.

Mark

Hi lindsey,

One thing that helped me was imagining that certain outcomes happened because I did them ON PURPOSE!

So in your journal you could write, “In preparation for being a truly single person at last, I cleverly handled myself so the manager would “dump” me. Once I tricked him into thinking it was his decision (to spare his feelings) I felt such a sense of relief that I cried in the bathroom thanking The Goddess he would never fall in love with me.”

You can have fun with this! And the best part is don’t be surprised if certain people are impressed and surprised by your new Victory Aura!

Best,

Inky

Dear lindsey:

Regarding the “bipolar spectrum”- isn’t everyone sometimes happy, other times sad? And so, isn’t everyone on the bipolar (happy- sad) spectrum..

Don’t get attached too easily to mental illness (“my mental illness”). You are having a very difficult time, you are significantly anxious, but so are millions of people. Your emotional health can improve a whole lot once you have your own apartment, once you get some quality psychotherapy and learn the necessary skill  of being assertive as well as learning to evaluate men before getting physically involved with them.

Don’t add shame to your already difficult life. Be easy on yourself. If any one of your children makes a mistake, do you add shame to their experience, or do teach them empathetically, gently, patiently how to function more effectively in life?

anita

Dear lindsey:

You are welcome. You may very well fit the diagnosis of bipolar at the current time, but you may not fit it in the future. Regarding SSRIs, Zoloft for one is known to cause agitation and that is why it is prescribed in the mornings while other SSRIs are known to be calming and are prescribed in the evenings. Psychiatric medications are often prescribed on an experimentation basis-

-some patients feel better or benefit from a particular medication for no known reason, it is a hit and miss thing. The fact that you didn’t benefit from SSRIs is not evidence that you are bipolar, in my understanding. I am not a medical doctor but I do have plenty of experience with SSRI and doctors prescribing these.

I will soon be away from the computer for a while. Please post anytime you want and I do hope that your life gets much better when you move to your own place this coming April!

anita