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Quarter life crisis

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Nairobi 3 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #300635

    Nairobi
    Participant

    Hi,

    I am 26 and I think I may be experiencing a (belated) quarter life crisis.

    So much has changed in the past year. My long-term relationship of 6 years ended, I started seeing someone new, I finished university and started work, didn’t like it, got a new job (which I hate even more), etc. Everything is moving so fast, I’m overwhelmed and don’t know how to cope with everything that is happening – not just in my life but around me too! My siblings are moving out (I’ve shared a room with my sister for 21 years), and my brother is moving to another country. Many of my friends are getting married/having children/moving out to live with their partners and I feel like my life is simultaneously moving too fast and not moving fast enough at all in comparison. I realise how confusing that sounds, but basically, I’m  stuck in this “limbo” where everyone else’s lives seem to be going somewhere (and that affects me and my life), but I feel like i’m not achieving much and am being left behind. Still, and very ironically, since I’ve spent most of my childhood travelling and moving, I’m very resistant to change. I hate that things are changing and it makes me panicky and emotional! I do not handle it well.

    The main issue for me is that I’m slowly realising I have nothing figured out and it makes me very anxious. I’m usually very hands on and practical and I’ve always had a plan, but so many changes in my life have made me nervous and afraid, since life is obviously not going the way I expected whatsoever. I’ve always been a happy and cheerful person and I find myself very prone to sadness this past year. I easily crumble and struggle to see the positive side of things these days and I’m afraid that’s going to be me from now on.

    #300677

    Jade
    Participant

    Hello,

    Firstly thanks for this – I’m 25 and going through something similar this year. Just slightly different as I usually thrive off change. I now feel like I am stuck and stagnating! I keep getting overwhelmed by everything and I put so much strain on myself to accomplish goals etc. But it feels like I repeatedly don’t seem to meet my goals or move forward. I also left my last job that I wasn’t that invested in and now I’m in a job I feel there’s pressure that I can’t leave, but I don’t love the work and it’s a really lonely job and I don’t really like being on my own as I get so caught in my own head. I also split up with my ex for 4 years last year and now I’m seeing someone new. I thought I would want all this change and my life would improve but now I’m just getting anxious that it’s not going how I want it to. I’m getting into meditation, manifesting and positive thinking – which is helping so much, however, I do get annoyed with myself when I feel it it’s ‘working’ for me etc and keep falling back into negative thinking or being overly critical. Anyway, I’ve been trying to make sense of this and what I have realised is that this is a weird time in our lives as so much is shifting and there is added pressure to get to where we want to be or where we imagined. Please just trust your own timeline, everyone’s life moves at a different pace and good things are coming. Just be kind to yourself and each day make a conscious effort to get back on track (even if it’s a tiny steps, it will make you feel like there is progress) also, you aren’t alone – I know twenty somethings who feel the exact same, I also know some that really FELT like this but given time and patience and positivity they are now where they want to be. I find just being mindful and grateful for what I have and where I am helps a lot and reassure myself I’m on the right path.

    I hope this helps!

    #300741

    Peggy
    Participant

    Hi Nairobi

    Change can be very unsettling and, although it is a very normal part of life, it can be stressful.  Take a few good, deep breaths until you become calm and hopefully you can deal with these issues one by one without becoming too emotional.  Your family and friends lives are progressing in a fairly normal way.  I am sure that you want their lives to work out for them and that you are wishing them well for the future.  These changes do not mean the end of these relationships – you can still stay in touch.

    Don’t compare your life to the lives of others.  The grass isn’t always greener on the other side of the fence.  In fact, it rarely is.  Take another deep breath.

    You’ve been to University – that’s an achievement.  You’ve managed to find work – that’s an achievement.  You are in a relationship – that’s an achievement.  Draw strength from all the things that you have achieved so far and take it from there.

    Another deep breath.  You cannot control everything and the reality is that life does not always go to plan and you are disappointed that your expectations have not been met.  Come on.  You are only 26.  You’ve met with a couple of setbacks, that’s all.  You’ve got time on your side.

    Another deep breath.  It is very difficult to remain anxious when you breathe fully into your lungs.  It is very difficult to panic when you breathe fully into your lungs.  Really!  Try it and see.  Take up yoga, tai chi, relaxation, meditation, affirmations.  You’ve been positive and cheerful before, you can be positive and cheerful again.  You can do it!  Yes!

    Kind regards,

    Peggy

    #301171

    Kevin
    Participant

    The main issue for me is that I’m slowly realising I have nothing figured out and it makes me very anxious. I’m usually very hands on and practical and I’ve always had a plan, but so many changes in my life have made me nervous and afraid, since life is obviously not going the way I expected whatsoever. I’ve always been a happy and cheerful person and I find myself very prone to sadness this past year. I easily crumble and struggle to see the positive side of things these days and I’m afraid that’s going to be me from now on.

    Try replacing every place you put “I” or “me” or “myself” with the words “my ego” …

    The main issue for my ego is that it’s slowly realising it has nothing figured out and it makes my ego very anxious. My ego is usually very hands on and practical and it’s always had a plan, but so many changes in my life have made my ego nervous and afraid, since life is obviously not going the way it expected whatsoever. My ego has always been a happy and cheerful person and it finds itself very prone to sadness this past year. It easily crumbles and struggles to see the positive side of things these days and I’m afraid thatmy ego is going to be ME from now on.

    It is your ego asserting itself and trying to control your life .. to become you and do everything .. and one of it’s best tools is to sew fears and uncertainties into your real person and tthen offer to sove them .. Thst way it slowly makes itself indispensible and you allow it to run your life for you .. That way lies suffering …

    Ego lives in the past and the future, constantly trying to extrapolate into the future (often lookg for bad things to avoid) and using incomplete historic data (memories) to (unsuccessfully) work out how to cope with all the imagined scenarios. That is at best uncomfortable and at worst disastrous for your true, inner, divine self.

    Nothing happens in the past .. it happeneD … nothing happens in the future, it MIGHT happen, and any attempt to see into the future is pure speculation .. The only place anything happens .. The only place wwhere everything happens .. is NOW. Try it .. try to read a new book three weeks ago  .. try to turn on the light 1 minute before you go into the room …

    Now do ANYTHING WHICH YOU FEEL IS RIGHT and APPROPRIATE …. NOW

    You are the master/mistress of your destiny. Start to become present in the moment, and make mindful decisions and actions. Stop letting your ego determine what is right or wrong, bad or good, desirable or not, based on a distorted view of the world and an overwhelming desire to fit in, be noticed, be liked, avoid fear and pain …

    Mindful meditation will help a lot. So will reading a lot of the blog posts all over the internet about the dangers of an unconscious ego. You are VERY fortunate that you have spotted the struggles your ego is having and to which you are attaching yourself. Tiny Buddha, Eckhert Tolle, Jim Tolles .. all have plenty to say on the subject.

    At your age you have the perfect opportunity to step onto the path of ego “retraining”. It gets mch harder the older you get. The ego is like an onion .. and stripping off the layers, one aat a time, is tedious and painful .. you only have a few .. imagine how big my ego onion was when I recognised it .. at age 60 ..

    I recommend reading Eckhert Tolle’s book “The Power of Now” .. it spoke the right words to me ..

    however, you have to find your own way.

    Peace and love

    K

    • This reply was modified 3 months, 3 weeks ago by  Kevin.
    • This reply was modified 3 months, 3 weeks ago by  Kevin.
    #301559

    Nairobi
    Participant

    Hi Jade,

    Thank you for your reply, it does help. I feel like sometimes it’s just good to get stuff off your chest and know there’s other people with similar struggles. I completely understand what you mean about having a job that is lonely, demanding and a lot of pressure. I started this new job hoping it would be exciting and once again, I’m disappointed. It’s also a lonely job, which means I have a lot of time to think about my circumstances and do things like post online about how miserable I am… I guess one of my biggest fears is that I’ll become so disappointed with work life that I’ll no longer be able to find a job that is interesting or inspiring. I honestly can’t imagine +40 years of such boredom and lack of stimulation.

    Anyways, I’m hoping after I take some time off for the summer holidays things will make a bit more sense. I guess we both have a lot of things to figure out… I hope things work out for you too!

    #301561

    Nairobi
    Participant

    Hi Peggy,

    I guess when you’re in a difficult situtation or not feeling your best, it’s always easier to wallow in self pity and think about how miserable one is. You’re absolutely right, and I wish I was more prone to see the good things in my life. I have achieved so much this year, but because I’m such a perfectionist, and sometimes too hard on myself, I’m rarely able to see the good things.

    I’m seriously considering your suggestion to take up yoga, tai chi or any other form of meditation. I genuinely think that the important step for me is to be able to avoid letting myself go into “panic mode”, because once I get there I can’t seem to be able to get myself out.

    Thank you for your comment and your kinds words, they have helped a lot.

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