August 5, 2017 at 12:06 pm #162326
I just had a horrible outburst or anger and rage. I broke things in my home and completely lost grip of everything. I had a surge of anger and rage. All my negative feelings exploded out of me and I don't know what to do. I'm lost and scared. I feel numb now. I don't know what's happening to me.August 5, 2017 at 12:07 pm #162328
I'm weak and I hate myself right now.August 5, 2017 at 12:49 pm #162332
You are angry, expressed it, numb again. It is okay to feel weak, Cruzzie. It is okay.
Please don't hate yourself. Have empathy for yourself instead: you were hurt, this is why you are angry. Do express your anger in words, here, if you'd like, instead of breaking things in your home. Express your angers in words anytime. You do express yourself so well, as I wrote to you before.
* Will be away from the computer in half an hour for the next 16 hours or so. Am waiting for the next half an hour just in case you post again by then.
anitaAugust 5, 2017 at 4:48 pm #162426
Can you tell me a little more about what happened? What caused this rate? Was it a man, work, friend, parents, life in general? Does this happen often? What are the triggers that set you off? Are you able to pause when you know you are going to have a violent outburst? Maybe get a plan for yourself..such as taking a walk when you feel the anger coming, or be aware of the present moment by guided imagery such as a peaceful scene. Perhaps deep breathing. That usually works with me or calling my friend. I have cue cards, that my therapist helped me with and every time I feel intense anger, I get out one of my “distress tolerance skills” cue cards, which takes my anger from a 10 to maybe a 4. Just keep working on it, have a plan, when you know this is going to happen.August 5, 2017 at 5:21 pm #162428
I've spent the day in bed sleeping, crying, stuck with my bad thoughts. Today just feels so awful, everything I've been trying to do to get better just seems like it's lost and I'm back to my dark place again. I thought about dying again and not wanting to live. I feel totally out of control…and I don't want this. It's like it's all coming back like it was before I got admitted earlier this year. I had a feeling of hopelessness that terrifies me bc if I continue like this I'll spiral bad into major depression and idk if I can handle that again. I'm scared it will kill me this time. Idk why it keeps coming back… I'm trying so hard. Today I just couldn't fightAugust 5, 2017 at 7:51 pm #162430
I felt compelled to respond to your post. It totally sucks to sleep all day, cry, stuck with your bad thoughts and feel so awful. It really does. I have been there. What's worst is waking up in the morning raging mad. I live alone and there is no one around and nothing to be mad about, much less raging mad. After years of going through all that, a doctor finally gave me something for severe depression. It turns out I've been walking around with that illness without my knowing it or knowing anything about the symptoms. I simply thought I just have a very bad attitude. I hate meds – any kind. But I took those things anyway and after a while I could think straight, I have hope for my future, have tons of things to keep me occupied, and best of all, there is no rage or suicidal thoughts or any of that. That's the important thing. You really don't want to die, trust me. You will get buried in the ground, and get eaten by worms and who knows what else. Just kidding! I don't know what's there and I don't really have any interest in finding out.
Now at the risk of you thinking I'm patronizing, let me assure you that I am not. But think about this for a second. If you have negative thoughts and thoughts of suicide, truly Cruzzie, there are solutions to whatever it is you are feeling. I understand where you are coming from. Please give yourself a chance at life. You look so young in that picture and there is so much you can do to feel better and that's why there are doctors around everywhere – to help you. I am not a doctor, but I sure can recommend something that will help you temporarily until you get professional help. And here goes…..just read, read something, anything. Don't watch TV. It's mostly more bad news that you don't want to hear or see. If you can find a Bible somewhere quick, I promise you there are tons of great advice from that book. In the mean time, would you just take deep breaths and call this number if you can't take it much longer? Call 1 800 273-8255. Just talk to someone. You will be alright.
SiLupeAugust 5, 2017 at 7:53 pm #162434
This is the depression talking. Remember, that you are the sky, depression are the clouds. This is a temporary feeling. You have been through this..and you thought, you probably couldn't make it out..you just didn't want to bother anymore..but you know what? It was a feeling, it passed, and you made it out, and you will again. Sometimes when we feel we we are at rock bottom, we always climb out. Just think back at the times you felt this way. You made it out. You will again. The darkness will go away. Just keep remembering this is only a temporary feeling. Contact a crisis line to help you through this, I have several times. Don't be embarrassed. They are there 24/7. Post on here too. You **will** get through this. xAugust 6, 2017 at 3:35 am #162460
You panicked yesterday. You got scared and then more scared. You felt bad and then, you got scared of feeling worse. You feared a downward spiral that you are unable to stop.
Feeling weak, “out of control”, without any power to stop the expected downward spiral- you rebelled against that weakness, and exerted power by breaking things.
The message behind the Rage (title of your thread), breaking things, is that you need (reasonable) power over your life experience, so that you are not like a leaf in the wind, taken any which way by the wind.
When you feel fear again, before it gets that overwhelming, do something. Act. It is the passivity that increases the fear.
Take a walk, clean your kitchen, do something. Focus daily on taking action that will benefit you, taking care of yourself. No such action is too small to bother with, every act of caring for yourself counts.
anitaAugust 9, 2017 at 10:00 am #163046
I have been in the same place i've gone to that dark place. i still struggle with it its hard to conrol my anger at times but what i do when im mad is i go to a quiet place and i write what happened then go over it in my head. i also meditate so i become calm. your not weak and dont hate your self because that will just make it worse on yourself. dont always think about sad stuff or stuff that will cause your anger focus on happiness.
i send my loveAugust 11, 2017 at 1:07 pm #163526
I have been in the same place i’ve gone to that dark place. i still struggle with it its hard to conrol my anger at times but what i do when im mad is i go to a quiet place and i write what happened then go over it in my head. i also meditate so i become calm. your not weak and dont hate your self because that will just make it worse on yourself. dont always think about sad stuff or stuff that will cause your anger focus on happiness.
i send my love