Hi Tee

Merry Christmas! 🎄

I understand what you mean. I think as well that perhaps ego might not be the best choice of words for some phenomenon. 🩵

The way I think about it, language is a social construct that is supposed to alert us to danger before it becomes violence or results in negative consequences.

When social constructs are adhered to, people ideally don’t perceive a threat. When language becomes negative, people start to perceive danger. Is that ego? Or is it just that life is uncertain and this aspect of language serves a necessary social function? 🩵

Do I think James means badly? No. He is just James. 🩵

I can say that I don’t always say everything I think when answering people on the forum. It is not my place to comment on how people should live their lives. I’m not opposed to people who do have that style though. Everyone is different. 🩵

I can see how some people might interpret that as a lie or fakeness. It aligns with my values to support people regardless and encourage their autonomy. I think that from this lens, it takes the sting out of edgy words like lie and fake. 🩵

Much love 🩵

Dear James / Everyone:

I really appreciated Alessa’s comment: “Do I think James means badly? No. He is just James.”
I feel the same. From everything I’ve seen, James’s intentions have consistently been good, and his way of expressing things has actually been increasingly helpful to me.

Looking back at James’s posts since July 18, what stands out is how steady and kind his tone was for a long time. He responded with patience, empathy, and openness, and was often kind and supportive.

Since Sept 2, the discussions around his messages became more intense. Some of the responses to him were very strong, and in my view, a number of the criticisms were based on assumptions or interpretations that didn’t match what he was actually saying and they seem unfair or unfounded.

What I noticed is that James continued to respond calmly and kindly for a long time, even when the tone toward him became sharp and sharper. It wasn’t until October 5 that James sounded defensive (as far as I can tell), and given the amount of pressure he had been under, I can understand how that can happen. One moment of frustration doesn’t erase months of steady, well‑intentioned, and valuable communication.

I also want to acknowledge my own part. At times, I joined in the criticism. I’ve apologized for that, and this message is part of my effort to take responsibility and express things more clearly.

I hope this helps bring a bit more balance to how we look at the recent interactions. For me, James’s way of expressing things has value, even if it doesn’t resonate with everyone. And I think all of us are doing our best to communicate from where we are.

I intend to continue to quote James’s words every day (later today) and learn from them.

Thank you, James!

🤍🤍🤍 Anita

Hi Tee

I hear what you are saying. 🩵

My point is that it is natural to be offended by language such as this. It is what we have been socialised to do. 🩵

It is difficult because everyone has their own perspective to compromise and meet in the middle sometimes. 🩵

Hmm, I’m used to reading some esoteric philosophical texts. To explain how some perceive reality. There is our individual perspective, then there is reality. By the nature of being alive we all impose our own individual perspective. And psychology recognises the interplay of our personal experiences in relationships.

My favourite explanation of reality is visiting Paris. If you visit on a holiday you see a certain aspect of Paris. But there two million people living in Paris, each with their own unique memories and experiences. What is Paris? One person’s recollection? All recollections? Is it the physical place that they all live? What is the truth? 🩵

I feel a mild flutter, but I’m not bothered by it. I trust myself and as you say, look for the best in others. Maybe he isn’t necessarily talking about me. If he is, oh well. He doesn’t know me. Perhaps he is simply talking about pain with burning dna? I have felt pain that I could describe as burning. Perhaps it is just a religious belief? I’m not threatened by a religious belief that I don’t share. 🩵

I don’t sense bad intentions, just words that ruffle feathers sometimes. I’m used to talking to men. A lot of men ruffle feathers. A lack of softness can be viewed as masculinity by some.

I understand. It is good to express how you feel. I don’t judge you for it. 🩵

I guess my perspective is that relationships to words can change. When we are children, we can be very sensitive to harsh words and it can cause a huge amount of damage. Whereas, say with time and healing other words can be less painful compared to difficult memories. Even difficult memories, can be let go of and forgiveness found. When you are confident in yourself, other peoples words don’t matter as much. Perhaps I am finding excuses. But for me, there are lines which have not been crossed. So I’m willing to give benefit of doubt. I’m sure that we have all heard far harsher words. 🩵

Hmmm do I necessarily agree with edgy language? No. Do I share James’s perspective and beliefs? No.

Do you we all deserve to be treat with love and kindness? I believe that we do. 🩵

At the very least, we have had some interesting discussions. Calmer language might not have the same results. I am curious. 🩵