Home→Forums→Relationships→Reconcile relationship – want to write a letter
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October 29, 2022 at 3:25 pm #409318
KayaParticipantDear Anita
I hope you are having a lovely weekend.
I went shopping and clean my house today. Finally, I can sit down and write you a message.I’ve been thinking that shall I sent him to reconcile email or not. 50% of me said yes and 50% of me said no. Why no? Somehow bad memories came back and tell me no. Of course, we had a great time together and a bad time also. Some of what he said before, is stuck in my head these days. My counselor told me that one of the reasons for anger was him. How he treated me or said to me. I did not talk him how much I was hurt. I said something to him but he did not take it seriously or did not care, I could not remember.
Anyway, I will think about sending an email or not again tonight.Have a good night.
October 29, 2022 at 6:42 pm #409325
AnonymousGuestDear Kaya:
I hope you are having a lovely weekend yourself, mine is fine, thank you. “Some of what he said before, is stuck in my head these days. My counselor told me that one of the reasons for anger was him. How he treated me or said to me“- so far, before your recent post, you took all the responsibility for the fights and arguments in the relationship, but now- for the first time- you are giving him some of the responsibility. Would you like to elaborate on his part in the fights and arguments?
anita
October 29, 2022 at 6:55 pm #409326KayaParticipantGood evening, Anita.
I did not mean to not take all the responsibility. Sometimes I have thought about what he said to me before.
During an argument so I do not know if it was meant to be said or because he was mad.
Very hurt inside of me. This was one of the reasons, that made me upset sometimes. I could not forgive him for what he said to me.
For now, I want to change myself and I would like to reconcile our relationship.
He hurts me but it may cause by my negative behavior.
Sorry for making you confusion.October 29, 2022 at 7:10 pm #409329AnonymousGuestDear Kaya:
What I am clear about is that you want to reconcile the relationship and to change what needs to be changed about your part in the fights and arguments that led to the breakup. I am also clear that the two of you participating in the fights and arguments, sharing responsibility for those. If it is night time where you are at it is where I am), I wish you good night!
anita
October 30, 2022 at 12:56 pm #409351KayaParticipantDear, Anita.
I’m not changed about my part in the fights and arguments. I take all responsibility for my part and my negative behavior.
Yes, he has a problem but no one is perfect.A beautiful fall day here today and I walked several miles with the dog today. I hope you are having a good weekend!
October 30, 2022 at 1:30 pm #409355AnonymousGuestDear Kaya:
Several miles is a long walk. Raining here, too heavy of a rain to walk. Later, I hope. Taking responsibility for your part is all you can do, so you are on the right track in this beautiful day (where you are at)!
anita
October 31, 2022 at 6:00 pm #409406KayaParticipantGood evening, Anita
I just wanted to let you know that I sent an email to him tonight. I feel much better. It doesn’t matter anymore if he accepts my apology and reconciles our relationship or not. I feel so relieved. Not sure if this word is the correct word or not though.
Maybe daily jornal or practice helps my mental?
Anyway, thank you for your support every day and I appreciated it.
Please tell me more about your NPARR practice. I would like to learn more.Thank you and Have a good night.
November 1, 2022 at 7:47 am #409426AnonymousGuestDear Kaya:
Good morning to you! I am glad to read that you sent the email and that you feel much better for it. Regarding NPARR: I did not invent the principles behind this acronym, only the acronym itself. It works for me in this way: when I feel distressed (an elevation of stress), instead of reacting any which way, I Notice (something is bothering me, what is it? What am I feeling?), I then Pause (instead of saying anything or sending an online message to anyone, or.. obsessing about it), and instead I Address the situation: what really happened? Should I respond to it, or not? If I respond this way, will it be helpful or harmful?… Next, I Respond or not, and lastly, I Redirect my attention elsewhere.
anita
November 1, 2022 at 3:36 pm #409440KayaParticipantGood evening Anita.
Thank you for the explanation of NPARR. I like this. As you may know, I used to jump to the conclusions and not pause, or address. This is very good practice for me and using every day. Thank you!!!
Have a good evening.
November 1, 2022 at 3:54 pm #409442AnonymousGuestGood evening back to you, Kaya. You are welcome and please let me know how it works for you and if you need my input about specific situations in regard to putting this into practice.
anita
November 2, 2022 at 5:42 pm #409494KayaParticipantDear Anita,
Hope you had a good day. My day was not good. Lots of anxiety and a little depression.
One, he did not reply to my email, anything. I was not expecting but a little expecting to hear from him but nothing.
I wanted to give him a call but I pause at moments. If I want to take any action, I need to pause and wait for a few days.
My brain won’t fuctioning well tonight so I will drop off the line tomorrow.
All I can say that I really do not know what do I want to do anymore except practice and learn how to control myself, to be a better person.Thank you for always here for me and send me message and share your time for me.
November 2, 2022 at 7:40 pm #409495AnonymousGuestDear Kaya:
Sorry your day wasn’t good. I hope you have a better night! I will reply further in the morning.
anita
November 3, 2022 at 6:14 am #409497AnonymousGuestDear Kaya:
“he did not reply to my email“- what was in your email to him: did you ask him a question or did you suggest in any way that it is okay with you if he does- or does not- respond? (Perhaps you can copy and paste the email or part of the email here?)
anita
November 3, 2022 at 7:36 am #409499KayaParticipantDear, Anita.
Thank you for your reply. I sent my mail as I posted before with a little change. The ending is as:
There is no jumping to a happy conclusion to reconcile our relationship and it will take time. I understand that this isn’t easy and that you need to take time to think about us again. I’m not expecting but a little hope, if you consider reconciling our relationship, contact me. Start with a cup of coffee and walk to the trail with the puppies.
I will end this letter with a very sincere wish for your happiness, always.
I said if you consider reconciling our relationship, contact me. = he may not want to reconcile our relationship.
If so, I understand it.I’m writing lots of my feeling these past few days.
Good and bad with our relationship. What I said to him and what happened. Why did I say it to him?
Now, I’m not sure what I want to do.
From what he said to me before, I can see he did not care about my feeling nor did he even not like me.Anyway, I was thinking that I would like to call him and talk to him face to face.
I would like to close completely our relationship. I realized that he won’t change and not work in our relationship anymore.
He refused me before no counseling.There are lots of my belonging at his house so, want to pick these up.
He may not answer the phone then, I will send an email and ask him to ship my belongings (which I’m sure he will be upset about.)
I have the belongings but too heavy to ship to his house. (Truck tires x 6) plus his belongings.
This is not an excuse to see him. He can ship it to me but not drop it off.
My dog is raised with him and she has not seen him often anymore. She became anxiety, not eat for a while. I took them to the vet.
She is getting better so, I do not want him to show up at my house and my dog to find him.
I can leave his belongings near nearby my post (I live private road so, no one should take these).I think my anxiety or negative feeling are attached to him and I need to let them go.
Only a few days since I sent an email to him but writing notes myself, I realized that and I accept that he doesn’t like me as much as I did. If he said he does, then we are not a match, too different from each other. I’ve known him a long time (used to work together) but I knew him as a co-worker and I thought I knew him but I did not know him well.Is this make sense to you?
November 3, 2022 at 8:04 am #409500AnonymousGuestDear Kaya:
Before I reply further, I want to ask you in regard to this sentence: “From what he said to me before, I can see he did not care about my feeling nor did he even not like me“- what did he say to you before?
anita
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