Hi Omyk

I remember you! Welcome back. 😊

It sounds like you are feeling the battle between being human and the responsibilities of your ministry.

My perspective is that these days in western countries a lot of relationships fail. It really depends what you are looking for. What needs are not currently being met that you feel a longing for? It must not be easy, being without your wife.

I think that whatever you want and whatever you choose to do is okay. Please be gentle with yourself because your situation is not easy. You are dealing with a lot of responsibilities on your own. ❤️

Dear omyk:

I’ve been reflecting on what you’ve shared, both recently and over the course of the past year. I wanted to take a moment to share some thoughts, as your story has deeply resonated with me.

In your recent posts, you’ve shared: “Recently, I have something like buyer’s remorse, worried that I missed the boat… I can’t say that I was happy every day I was married. In fact, I was often unhappy… I’m tired of feeling like I’m always behind the eight ball, never caught up on everything that needs to be done.”

Having read these words alongside what you shared in your threads “Life Lesson and Accountability” (July 22–Aug 9, 2024) and “Big Step, Widower” (Oct 27, 2024), it seems to me that your life has been a testament to responsibility and devotion. You’ve poured yourself into fulfilling various roles—husband, father, provider, and minister—while striving to live up to societal and familial expectations.

Your posts consistently reflect a deep sense of accountability and a genuine desire to do what’s “right” for others. That’s such an admirable quality. But as I read, I couldn’t help but wonder if, amidst all this, you’ve had the chance to truly attend to your own deeper emotional and personal needs—the ones that exist beyond approval, beyond roles, and beyond obligations.

It seems that now you’re beginning to explore those questions. You’ve spoken about embracing simplicity, independence, and even questioning what a romantic connection might look like if it were to align with the person you’ve become. These reflections are powerful and courageous, and they point toward a man who is ready to reclaim his life as his own.

I was inspired to share a short poem with you. I hope it resonates with where you are now and speaks to the possibilities ahead:

For years, you wore the woven cloak,
Of duties sown with silent thread,
A parent, partner, provider strong,
A path by others laid ahead.

But deep within, a quiet voice,
Has whispered truths you’ve yet to know,
A need, not theirs, but wholly yours,
A seed of longing left to grow.

Breathe deeply now, unbind the weight,
Of roles assigned, of oughts and shoulds,
And walk the path that’s marked by you,
Through the uncharted fields and quiet woods.

So dare to dream, as only you,
What brings you joy, what makes you whole.

The world may call, but let it wait,
Its claims on you no longer bind,
You are the keeper of your needs,
The treasure map within your mind.

Unfold your wings, unearth your fire,
Be bold, be still, or take the stage,
This chapter is yours—no rules, no guide,
A turning leaf, a brighter page.

Whatever path you choose to walk, omyk, I hope it’s one that feels authentic and fulfilling for you. Thank you for sharing your journey—it’s inspiring to see someone reflect so deeply on life’s challenges and possibilities. Take care, and I’m here if you’d ever like to continue this conversation.

anita

Dear omyk:

Your words truly moved me. It means so much to know that the poem resonated with you so deeply. Thank you for sharing how it touched your heart— I’m grateful to have been able to share something meaningful with you. If it brought you even a little comfort or connection, then I’m honored.

anita

* Dear Roberta:

It’s so nice to see you back on the forums! I truly appreciated your comment about the poem. I’ve missed reading your replies—they’ve always been so straightforward yet full of compassion. I was also wondering how your father is doing. I hope to see you posting more often again.

anita

Hi Omyk

I suppose that is what has to happen when life gets tough. Just get on with it day by day.

Congratulations on all of your achievements within your ministry! ❤️

True, marriage does not always smell of roses.

Do you have a fear of being alone or a fear of missing out on being with a partner? You have a child. You will never be alone. But it is a large commitment not to have a partner for an extended period of time.

I’m glad to hear that your day to day is happy. It makes sense that thinking about the intensity of the commitment to not having a partner in the future is anxiety provoking. I don’t think it would be easy for anyone. I suppose it is a sacrifice.

I can imagine. It must be tough being a single parent and having such a busy life. Downsizing makes sense. I hope you figure everything out. Whatever you decide. No rush, you have 25 years. 😉

Dear Omyk

My first husband died in a motor bike accident at the age of 23 leaving me with an 18 month old baby & then my ex died when his boat sunk at the age of 36 leaving me to bring up our 10 year old so I get that feeling of urgency & yet my father is 94 & still with me, so on the flip side I could have another 30 years. I guess the trick is to live each day the best we can, showing love & compassion to those around us, looking after our inner life & doing enough each day so that we can feel contentment at bedtime.
I wish you all the best in your ministry & hope your congregation appreciate & support you.
Kind regards
Roberta

Dear Omyk

Thank you for your kind words.
I too had moments where I yearned to be in a relationship – looking at in depth- what I need is support & companionship. Like you the majority of the time I am happy & content.
I now realize that I am not good at sustaining a longterm romantic relationships. So is that fair on me & the other person to indulge in running away from my short term discomfort? As the years of celibacy roll on those moments of yearning decrease in their frequency & intensity leaving more space for universal compassion & love to grow.
Wishing you a happy & contented week
Roberta