Sad, rejected and lonely on my birthday

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This topic has 43 replies, 12 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 9 months ago by Eliana.

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January 17, 2018 at 1:54 am #187153

Eliana
Participant

Hi VJ,

Thank you for caring. To be quite honest, I am just feeling overwhelmed with many health problems right now, and just trying to take it one day at a time. In the neantime, I know posting on here won’t help my health, but it makes me feel better to get it out. You don’t need to do anything, but thank you for asking. My case manager is calling council on aging, and I have colonoscopy scheduled, but he might not want to to it, due to other health problems he is concerned about.

As far as Hospice, it was just a knee jerk reaction. That’s where people go to die I think, so in order for Medicare to pay, I would have to have Doctor’s clearance that I am at end of life, but at this time, I am not. My case manager and I are trying to work things out, but things are complicated, and it requires alot of time and energy. She has a hectic full caseload. You don’t have to read my posts if they bother you, as I may be posting again. It is not my intent to bother anyone, and I rarely post, but help people more. But sometimes, I just need a listening ear, there really is not exact solution to my health conditions. Thanks again for your support. Have a terrific day.

January 17, 2018 at 2:10 am #187155

VJ
Participant

Okay, great. Good to know that you are doing something or the other in some form. Also just got to know from you right now what is a Hospice. From you initial post I considered it to be some place where some special kind of help is given to people with similar situation as yours. I am not bothered by your or anyone else’s post. You may not have liked the idea of applying something as practical like acupressure, but please do carry on with your conversations if that is making you feel good.

Best regards,

VJ

January 17, 2018 at 4:45 am #187173

Eliana
Participant

Hi VJ,

I really do appreciate the support you have given me. Sometimes, I get so much advice I just get overwhelmed. I just post when the loneliness gets to me Sometimes and illness and hope someone will write back and say “yes, I understand, I’m going through the same thing, or I have been there too” but when you are feeling so crummy and people are saying “try this, try that” I already get that from Doctor’s, and I get too overwhelmed with information. I really do appreciate you and everyone’s support. I just wish I knew the answer. Sometimes, I just need to get it off my chest, like many people do on here. Thanks again for your kindness. It really means alot. I’m just going through alot of depression.

January 19, 2018 at 7:46 am #187523

Poonam
Participant

Dear Eliana,

First and foremost, A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.

Eliana, stop believing the fact that you are alone. You have the best of the best companions anyone can have in their life and that is YOU (your body, your mind and your soul).

I totally acknowledge the many hardships you have in your life, but just ponder for a moment – who doesn’t. So stop feeling sorry for yourself. Don’t feed your mind that it is lonely all the time as what you tell it unconsciously, it will manifest that consciously in some way or the other, which will make things worse than what they are or what they seem right now.

When you do feel that you have no one to talk to, just write your feelings down on a piece of paper (as you are a wonderful writer and share things with your inner self). Thank god that you are blessed to be alive and try to do positive things. If you know how to cook, cook yourself something good or go to a nearby place and have/buy something (big or small) which you like. Try to remember the good times and the good deeds you have done in your life. Never think about how others have reciprocated because that is not something which is in your hands. We are just as lonely as we feel to be.

Just remember, there are a lot of people in the world who live in war zone areas, who suffer from incurable diseases, who have lost everything due to catastrophes of some or the other sort but still they are fighting every single day to survive.

Stop counting what you DON’T HAVE and start counting what you HAVE in your life.

Always look at the brighter side of life. I know saying is easy than to do, but still we all need to try, as it is our only path.

We are all together and we are all lonely too. It is just how we perceive it. I hope you remember the saying – SOMETIMES YOU FIND YOURSELF IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE, AND SOMETIMES, IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE, YOU FIND YOURSELF.

So Eliana, just be Good and do Good. Stay happy and stay blessed always.

Your friend,

Poonam

January 20, 2018 at 10:59 am #187751

Eliana
Participant

Hi VJ,

I hope you read this. You gave me a challenge. I am miserable today, probably another trip to ER looks like. Nothing in 8 days. I have had enough. You asked me if I was going to take some positive steps. At the time, I had lost two friendships here, being ignored by residents, getting pity stares, no one will sit with me at functions. I have done nothing wrong. The day you wrote me, I just felt hopeless, sad and overwhelmed. I’m so very sorry if my last e-mail sounded tense, I am just having an extremely difficult time right now. No one to talk to, No one who cares, Doctor’s who dismiss me, ER groans when they see me yet again.

I am now looking up “integrated health practioners” that someone suggested, but only finding endocrinologists, chiropractors, but No one that specifically deals with my situation. I will keep trying to Google. My other positive step, is to fill out a “reasonable accommodation request” to fax to my Gastroenterologist so I can get out of mandatory groups, so I can start on the Linzess, Amitiza, Relistor, etc without having to worry about frequent bathroom breaks and severe cramping. He has not faxed it back to our resident director, so just trying to have faith. I am trying to think of other positive steps. Have a great weekend.

Y

January 20, 2018 at 11:10 am #187753
Eliana
Participant
Hi Poonam,

I’m sorry for my late response..for some reason, as of late, I am not getting e-mail notifications that someone responds, so I never got a notifications. Thank you for your advice. Yes, it is easy to feel sad, pity, I don’t mean to, but having no one to talk to, not really looking for pity, just need to get things out, like I said, I help people more than I post. Sometimes we all just need a listening ear without being chastised. We just want someone to understand, and say “everything will be okay”. I would not wish this on my own enemy. But I will try to stay positive, although I am only human and slip up every once in a while. Thanks again for your support.
- This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by Eliana.
January 23, 2018 at 10:59 pm #188469

Avi
Participant

Eliana

you write beautifully. You don’t say it, but perhaps you’re surrounded by people who don’t share your level of intellect or education, which is why you are often lonely. If so, then perhaps you can take comfort in reading and take time to enjoy your own company.

As for the health problems, you have my heartfelt sympathy. It’s hard to gain perspective or hope for the future when you’re suffering physically. You know your body better than anyone so don’t worry about the perceived reactions of the ER staff. Your first loyalty is to yourself.

Taking things ‘one day at a time’ is an excellent strategy. Continue fighting for your health. You’re worth the struggle – the heroine of this story

January 24, 2018 at 7:20 am #188545

Eliana
Participant

Hi Avi,

Thank you so much for writing. You are right, I had a former sponsor tell me this about my education. That I live in housing, many people are trying to get their GED, or have a high school diploma. I never tell anyone about my college background or degrees there, because I know I will be seen as “different” thus getting rejected. However, zI did “slip up” once and mentioned that I lived close to a particular area because of a University I graduated from. She has been a long time resident there and has a tendency to be somewhat of a gossip. So unfortunately it may have spread. I don’t smoke, but there are alot of cliques that go out and smoke, create drama and gossip. and I’m afraid I might often be the target. I have done nothing wrong there, and have always treated the residents there with love, respect and politeness. However, we have to attend “mandatory groups” to keep our housing there, in the groups participation is required. I have to speak up. Sometimes, the leader of the group will compliment me of my knowledge of something..even though I try to “dumb myself down” It’s not working. I guess people can tell I have been educated.

I thought I was starting to make friends in one of my 12 step support programs, that I have phone groups on Sundays. After the phone meetings are over, we have “fellowship” it made me feel good because I had two girls I had fun with and talked to. The one girl was from Spain, so we could not talk on the phone one on one however.The other girl, I thought things were going great in our fellowship. Last night, I got 3 voice mail messages from her, she lashed out at me, at everything I said or did wrong in our last group. It was just trivial things. The voice mails were so full of rage and hateful, I started to cry. It was “Adult Children of Alcoholics” anonymous group. I am a newcomer. I will never attend the phone group again. I was devastated. No matter what, I can’t win. I can’t please anyone. I have given up. I guess I just need to enjoy my own company, and accept the fact, friendships are not in the cards for me. Thanks again Avi. ☺

January 24, 2018 at 7:32 am #188547

Mark
Participant

Ellana, It sounds very stressful and lonely to live in such an environment. I hope you do find your tribe that will support you. Online forums (such as this) is a good place to start.

Take care,

Mark

January 24, 2018 at 7:40 am #188553

Eliana
Participant

Thank you Mark. ☺

January 27, 2018 at 11:15 am #189321

Avi
Participant

Eliana

dont give up on your fellowship. The woman who left those voicemails is obviously in great pain to do something that inappropriate and hateful. Maybe you can find it in your heart to have sympathy for her. She must be in a dark place.

Its no reflection on you — and others in the group are likely as comforted by your insight as are the members of this forum. They would miss your contributions

Im wondering if there’s a book club or volunteer group you could join with healthy people who would have a positive impact on you. I know you have major transportation issues but you have so much to give.

I hope you’re feeling better and are giving yourself a chance to heal.

January 28, 2018 at 5:25 am #189391

Karen Murphy
Participant

Eliana, did you ever try a gluten free diet? I know it sounds like a trendy thing for Hollywood stars, but really, gluten is a very gummy and difficult to digest protein, and many people feel much better avoiding it. Food intolerances are difficult for doctors to diagnose, and I’ve heard of people going years as undiagnosed celiacs. It’s worth a try! And happy belated birthday to you!

Karen

January 29, 2018 at 1:50 am #189531

Eliana
Participant

Hi Karen,

Thank you for reading my post and replying. Yes, I have tried. That is a great suggestion. Unfortunately, at this time, I don’t have transportation, and have to rely on a case manager to go anywhere. She only gets 45 minutes to spend with me. I try, but can’t look at all the ingredients. She will say “we only have 10 more minutes until my next client” making it nearly impossible to go Gluten free, although I do realize not good for me.

At this time, my health in continuing to deteriorate. I have decided to stop fretting and dwelling. I have turned it over to God. If he wants me to go to a better place, I have accepted that, but I’m not going to worry any more. I think I’m just tired of getting nowhere. Its In his hands now. There really is no easy fix when it comes to intestinal and digestive disorders. Thanks again for replying. x ☺

January 29, 2018 at 2:01 am #189533
Eliana
Participant
Hi Avi,

I have decided, that I have been abused and mistreated in my childhood to the extent that I do not want to continue to put myself in that situation to keep being treated like that. I talked to another moderator from another group on Thursday afternoons I will be joining. He said he has heard numerous complaints about her, and that is why that group has no moderator. No one wants to deal with her. She has done this with all the “newcomers” and scared them away. And that is why that type of group is chaos and not a safe place for Adult Children of Alcoholics. We need a safe place to go, where there is no abuse or turmoil. I don’t want to deal with drama. I have blocked her number and will not attend the Sunday morning groups anymore. Hurt people, hurt people, and I don’t want the abuse right now. It is not good for my healing. I have no sympathy for her. The moderator said several people have tried to help her, she will come on very nice and charming, and turn on you in a second.

Thanks again for your reply. I hope you had a good weekend. ☺
- This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by Eliana.
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