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Saying No to Parents and their money – very difficult decision

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Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • March 5, 2015 at 12:49 pm #73599
    Little Coconut
    Participant

    Hi there friends,

    I’m a 24 year old who lives in Los Angeles. I’m very lucky, and though this is embarrassing, it’s crucial my story. I’m still financially supported by my parents in multiple ways. I moved out here to pursue an interest in the entertainment and writing industries. Currently I work as a nanny, and do some projects on the side. It’s been a year since I moved out here, and I am desperate for some sort of change.

    I applied to “work for trades” in other countries, and was offered a job to work on a cookbook as the media assistant in a yoga resort in Costa Rica. My parents flipped when I told them, as the job is not paid, and I would be leaving LA for two months to work in a career separate from the entertainment industry. However, my responsibilities would include me writing poetic and beautiful descriptions of the food, and I would work on few other journalistic related projects. In addition, the experience sounds amazing. I think that it would benefit my in the long run, even if I do decide to continue a career in entertainment.

    However, my parents are livid. They told me that if I went, I would be completely cut off financially. Right now, I rely on my parents to help pay my rent, car insurance, and phone bill. If I wanted to still live in LA after Costa Rica, I would need to make some SERIOUS life changes. Maybe move to a cheaper place, get a full time job, etc.

    My parents funding has allowed me several opportunities. I am able to afford nice clothes, healthy groceries, and take writing or acting classes from time to time. I feel guilty for taking their money, and that maybe getting “cut off” is what is best for me anyway. However, their money does give me the free time and comfort to pursue multiple interests.

    I have no idea what to do. The opportunity to go to Costa Rica is so beautiful and so unique, but going there terrifies me. What if this is not truly something I want? What if my parents are right, and I am making a huge mistake? Is refusing their money foolish? When I come back, what if I NEED to get a full time job, and end up not having any free time to write?

    Any help would be so so so appreciated. I don’t want to lose my good relationship with my parents, but we don’t see eye-to-eye on many things and that makes me very sad. I have no idea whether or not it is a good idea to go to Costa Rica. Any insight on how to make this difficult decision?

    Thank you so much.

    March 6, 2015 at 7:06 am #73636
    Will
    Participant

    I know it’s in Costa Rica, but unpaid work is still unpaid work. What justifies them using your labour like that?

    March 6, 2015 at 7:28 am #73637
    pink24
    Participant

    Hi Little Coconut,

    Sounds like maybe you’re looking for a way to break free? Costa Rica isn’t a bad way to do it. But as someone who also has artistic pursuits, and has had to depend on parents for funding, I can honestly say that accepting money from parents can bind you in ways that you can’t even see. The guilt, possible shame, having to feel like you need to listen to their input, all that stuff hinders art. It doesn’t help. No matter how many classes you are financially able to take.

    Some of the most amazing artists had no help at all. They just did their work fully and openly, without the fear and anxiety that sometimes parents can instill in us, even if they are financially supportive. I don’t know your situation, but if any part of you feels like you need to go to Costa Rica to force yourself to establish your independence, I would say that maybe you need to look into settling your finances without your parents help, at least gradually.

    A full time job isn’t the end of your art. Maybe you can cut your expenses so a part time job may suffice. Either way, whatever you decide to do, just make sure that the only one calling the shots in your life is YOU. You’re twenty-four. This is when you’re supposed to try everything, take adventures, live your dreams (to sound hokey but whatever). Take advantage of it!

    Good luck!

    Pink:)

    March 6, 2015 at 10:53 am #73642
    Little Coconut
    Participant

    @Will, well the program covers my rent and provides 3 meals a day, so there’s that. But I know what you mean. It’s still free labor. I honestly don’t have a problem with that, though, because I’ll be staying somewhere beautiful for free (it would be much more expensive to vacation.) It will be a good opportunity to learn. But thank you for your comment, as it encouraged me to continue to think very critically about this choice.


    @Pink    , thank you as well. Yes, being financially dependent does not feel good, at all. It’s nice having openness and security, but yes! I want to explore and try everything. I don’t want to be on one path…at least I don’t think so.

    March 6, 2015 at 4:29 pm #73645
    Janice
    Participant

    I live in sunny lovely Costa Rica and trust me if you don’t have financial support you are going to have a tough time. That said you can make it here but not in the fashion you are accustomed and while work-trade might sound great it can also be a nightmare. Not sure where you are looking at doing this but I know of plenty of places that offer this sort of deal and it can quickly become slave labor feeling depending on how remote the location is (bus service once a week and such is not unheard of hear).

    Ask yourself this – what if you got there and it was the exact opposite of what you thought – would you be able to leave the situation and find other accommodations? Would you return back to the states? How would you support/care for yourself here in Costa Rica if you were not at the yoga retreat? Have you ever traveled abroad before?

    Don’t get me wrong I fully support someone who wants to cut the purse strings and forge their own way in life…. I just don’t get the feeling you are fully committed given your wavery post. Think about where you want to be in 5 years and if you think this will make any difference other than a cheap vacation to talk about. I think you need to sit down look at what it will require from you to be without any support and see if you are comfortable with it. If you can afford the airfare, being gone for 3 months and then having money when you go back to pay your rent and such I say go for it. If not you might take this a kick in the pants to get yourself closer to being independent for the NEXT opportunity that comes up. I promise this opportunity is not unique – it might be fabulous and the best thing you ever do but it is not unique.

    March 6, 2015 at 5:11 pm #73646
    Little Coconut
    Participant

    @Janice, thank you for your thoughtful response. I would love to talk with you more about what you know in regards to work for trades. I can likely afford it, as I have a good nanny job now and some money in savings, but I should definitely know all the information before making such a big decision.

    I just messaged you hoping to talk more. Thank you again!

    March 8, 2015 at 1:48 pm #73683
    Janice
    Participant

    Little Coconut,
    Not sure where you sent the message you are referring to….. confused???

    March 9, 2015 at 10:42 am #73749
    Little Coconut
    Participant

    Ah, I was just messaging to ask what resorts you were familiar with or what area. I’m looking at Montezuma.

    April 6, 2015 at 9:58 am #74965
    Little Coconut
    Participant

    Hi, everyone! I hope all is well.

    Thank you again for providing this advice. It was so helpful.

    I have decided not to go to Costa Rica, though part of me hurts in saying that. I really want to adventure,and my heart is telling me to go, but my gut (and my brain), are saying no. I haven’t officially turned down the offer, but in my head I’ve decided to not go. I’ve also decided to begin cutting myself off, gradually, from my mom and dad. This will be hard, but worthwhile. I’m excited and scared about this.

    What I can’t get a grip on are my feelings towards Costa Rica. I sort of want to go, but I would have to leave behind a good barista job I love, my apartment, and my friends. I would be living in an area I know very little about, and the owner hasn’t given me much information regarding my housing. It seems laid back and safe, but I fear not knowing that much going into a foreign country all by myself.

    The whole thing is causing me great stress and anxiety. Not sure why, but unfortunately, that’s the case.

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