Dear GoingThroughLife:

Again, thank you for your kind words, they mean a lot to me 🙏

“I wanted a pure relationship with less wound exposure.”- what a positively interesting way to say it, a pure relationship with less wound exposure.. original wording.

I am glad that you are receiving emotional support from your mother and from your older sister.

“Anita, I ask your help in this change, not from a perspective from focusing on the past, but on the present and the future. I need your guidance Anita.”- I feel honored that you are asking me for guidance 😊

And I acknowledge and respect your need that I focus on the present and the future, and not on your childhood.

I just went over (again) our communication since Jan 2024. You shared about 4 romantic relationships: Sofi (2019, when you started college- Oct 2020), SK (Nov 2020-2023), EN (Sept 2023-..Dec 2023, mostly long-distance), SS (Feb 2023- Sept 25).

What stood out to me this morning is what you wrote on Jan 30, 2024:”Even now when I think someone will love me I will end up pushing them away. I’m scared of that deep commitment. I was not scared when I started it with SK, but with time I guess the thought of settling down made me scared.”, as well as what you wrote on June 3, 2024: “I think besides feelings I’m starting to get attached to SS which I’m not keen of. I was never attached to EN.”-

I think that it’s safe to say that you desire a stable, loving connection with a woman.

But will it also be true to say that once you feel something stable and loving (which you need and desire), you also feel trapped and need to escape?

Commitment to a stable, loving relationship = trap ?

In regard to the career topic, you wrote 2 days ago: “I am not able to stick to do one thing, which may make me a jack of all trades, but not a master of one.”-

Commitment to a stable job/ trade= trap ?

I hope that these questions are not too distressing for you to consider..? Please let me know, I am concerned.

🤍🌿 Anita

You are very welcome. I understand not wanting to keep Going Through Life stuck in indecision.. and regret. I’ll write more tomorrow.

🤍🌿 Anita

Dear GoingThroughLife:

You are a kind, thoughtful young man. I appreciate you!

It’s amazing to me this very early morning (here), how on one hand you need a relationship so to feel safe, so to not feel alone, and on the other hand, when you have it, sooner or later, you’d push it away (“Yes I have a fearful avoidant attachment type, so I seek loving relationship but with time I push away.”)

Attachments styles are not a matter of fate, you know. It’s possible for any of the insecure types to gradually change into the secure type.

“Something to add, my nights and mornings are filled with missing SS”- filled with the need to feel safe, right? And there were moments with SS where you felt safe..?

“I got a small panic attack in the office today. I don’t have the skills on the project I’m part of and I need to clear very hard exams to reach to a level. Anita I’m very scared, especially after the breakup. I need tips from you maintaining faith and listening to what the universe is trying to convey to me.”-

I think that it’s the boy in you that’s scared to be alone, scared to fail. scared. This boy needs someone to Go Through Life with him so that he’s not alone anymore.

There’s a 24-year-old man who can take this boy’s hand and walk with him anywhere and everywhere: a few steps at home, or all the way to France. He won’t be so scared if he knows he’s no longer alone.

“I try to seek relationships and I can feel in my gut something worthwhile is coming.”- seek a relationship with the scared boy in you. Together, you will walk into a healthy, or healing relationship with a woman

“Last time after EN and SK, I prayed a lot to god to send someone who would be nice for… I want to start praying again, because it’s hard to stay alone for me because of my emotional characteristic.”- pray with the boy, let him say the words. And when you hear his words, talk to him- express empathy for him, tell him you understand, tell him he’s not alone.

🤍🌿 Anita

Dear Going Through Life:

“pursuing this course will give me certainty in life, which is very needed…My heart feels lighter in choosing this path for me, it’s scared but it feels right.”- reads like France it is!

The fear, and the confusion that accompanies it- do not simply disappear. There’ll be times when the heart feeling lighter, and times when the heart feeling heavy.

You can prepare- during a time when your heart feels lighter- for a time when your heart feels heavy again. Maybe by preparing a letter for yourself, one that you can read at a later time, when needed..?

🤍🌿 Anita

Dear Going Through Life:

Not France, I get it. Nothing wrong about texting SS just because you wanted to, is there?

Did she respond (by the time you are reading this)?

If you want to share the letter here, when it’s written, please do.

🤍🌿 Anita