Dear Anita,

After we discuss the above, when you would like – I wanted to add something else…

To add about the portion that is “compulsive mind chatter” it is almost like an “obsession with others”

an example would be, if you are on a nice walk with your husband enjoying the sunlight, the sounds, the people everywhere, walking, running, biking – a beautiful environment.  Why would you constantly talk? Talk about this and that.  “oh S and her boyfriend are going away finally, she is happy he finally booked the trip.” “oh that lady at work was saying how the center is going to get busier in the summer.” “oh I saw the neighbor earlier and she mentioned there’s an open house she went to upstairs, but it was an old unit.”

Can’t just stay in the present.  Talking about this and that.  This is similar to the above scenario (couple moving to florida) but also different in the sense of it is “talking just to talk” having focus on the Lives of others, being preoccupied with what they are doing (not finding it superior per se in this scenario) but just being consumed by it.

my mother used to do this ALL THE TIME – almost like a “let’s see who and what we can talk about now to fill the time, beyond gossip, compulsive mind chatter/spoken chatter”

Dear Anita,

That is great advice, and I remember, on vacation (over the fall when we were away for a whole month) I practiced this.  And i was ssuccessful.  The difference is I was not around much “distraction.” I didn’t have constant fodder from friends updating me what they’re doing, etc.  I didn’t have as much “to report” so my brain was slightly quieter, and as a result my chatter.

I do have a question about the prior post:

You wrote:

– the motivation of the young Cali Chica in you going on and on to the friends is to get them to take you with them to Florida?

I replied:

-Take me away from my INFERIOR life, I wish I could have a SUPERIOR one like you.

Do you believe this is also related to the constant mind chatter/chatter.  I do in a way, the constant focus on the lives of others, which in essence does give them more “power”/importance, and my own life – less of a priority.

To answer your question, sleep:

It is improved NOW – 10000% percent because of my yoga practice.  To the point that this practice is not my “cure” but a necessity for me now.

No I do not take anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medications. I try to limit caffeine and alcohol.  I try to eat well.  But the biggest difference in my life is from yoga.  It is truly what has helped me sleep, by allowing the tensions in my body to dissipate (somewhat) and for my mind to reach new depths.

Dear Anita,

“constant focus on the lives of others” is a way for you to escape your experience of your own life, the allegedly inferior life

I will let this sink in, and reply back in a few hours.  I know you may be on your walk at this time (so enjoy that!) regardless, we will speak more when you are available. Thank you for your insight and wisdom today – and always.

Dear Anita,

It has only been about an hour, but I have pondered this, albeit while at work and not only thinking about this.  But I have pondered it.

It is an interesting concept.  I don’t find myself to be particularly insecure, low self-esteem, low confidence – yet at the core, at the true core is the reality – the false belief, the delusion that:

I believe that my life is inferior.

And that is the point, it doesn’t matter what the outside may show or the overall may show, it is those deep-rooted core beliefs that dictate how we truly feel, interact in the world, and what goes on in our minds daily.

But it is true, and there is not mystery as to why – I was fed this information my entire life from my mother.

I recall some time ago reading about a famous star, singer or such, mentioning that he/she never felt adequate even when she rose the ranks, as she was made to feel inferior her whole life.

I didn’t feel I related to this entirely.  But today I see it, that I do not believe my ownself as inferior to others, in fact I think positively of my own personality, capabilities and skills – but in contrast the core belief is there —

And thus I distract, I talk about others, I focus on others, I escape my own life.  It is true.  I notice it.

It feels I am incapable of relaxing and focusing into my own life. I instead gravitate naturally to commenting on others, uplifting others, obsessing over details in their life, sometimes helping them, sometimes helping no one, but staying occupied.  Staying occupied, escaping from my own life.

Dear Anita,

Absolutely it is better to create a new life experience.

I feel, I am at a standstill again, not unlike a few months ago when I was stuck, with my sister scenario. Now although I can not say that is “fixed” of course, my increased awareness from our conversations was monumental.  You helped me see that my first major hurdle, was removing my parents.  And that now it was onto number 2, inevitably, learning how to approach the relationship with my sister.

I see now that those are 2 very very important life changing objectives.

But here today, I approached you with something a little different, it is something that is not in the present tense, but entirely tethered to the past.  As you wrote, it is a core belief that is stuck in my brain, that I can not unearth.

In a way, this is a task much greater than removing my parents, are redefining the relationship with my sister – as it involves reprogramming my BRAIN.

It is this that will change my life. I know it. I know in my heart that when I can make progress with this, that is when life will feel different finally.  No mother, sister, or lack of etc etc – can lead to the same amount of relief/change/awakening/enlighteenment as my changing that core belief.  In a way I think I have been waiting for that, and have not found it.  Of course not, I am still stuck. On the path, but still stuck.

Yes my life has changed tremendously from the decisions I have made.  But for me to feel differently, approach the world truly differently, treat my husband honestly differently, and myself.  This core belief has to slowly mold away.

I am an excellent student, and yet, this feels like a flurry.  And yet, it is only today that I am seeing how incredibly  difficult a task it is to diminish that mental chatter, to not escape to the lives of others to avoid my “inferior” life, and so on.

So like any student, a well conditioned one, I will do what I know works – start from the basics, and build.

I must simplify this arduous task, this subliminal way of my mind.  Clearly what I have been doing thus far has not been working, its time to take on a different approach. I will outline a stream of ideas/concepts relevant.  And as we speak tomorrow, I will polish and make more sense of my approach/understanding..

• I know that involving myself with too many people clearly does not work.  Mind chatter only gets worse when, of course, I chat more! When I over communicate with too many people in a day, it is that much harder for me to shut off my brain and focus on “you and yours” – on mine.  I like that term, focusing on mine.  I will use it.
  • So lets say today I communicated with people at work, yoga, my husband, small talks here and there groceriees etc – that is much different than texting a friend or 3, or responding to a friends question about how my weekend was, or her next trip, etc.  when I communicate in this way on a daily basis – my mind only goes there
    • it quickly and naturally moves away entirely from sinking and savoring my OWN life.  this is a fact
• I know that even if I am by myself, however, this occcurs.  So in this case I can’t say it was because I was distracted because I was on the phone with someone, out with someone, on my phone etc.  I was with my own self
  • I see this as habit.  About a year ago or so, I remember telling you about an example, with a neighbor J.
    • I said something along the lines of how I would automatically text her to meet so our dogs could play, even on days when I didn’t feel myself, or even my dog needed that social interaction.
      • You mentioned something excellent, that my action(s) were a compulsion to reduce distress.  Obsessive thought occurs, compulsive action follows to “reduce distress.”
        • obsess – act
          • I see in order to break this cycle it will have to be different
            • obsess – analyze – then choose
              • in fact, I know the answer will be to not act, to simply do nothing, say nothing at all.  but when it comes to the mind, chatter, and such – it is much more difficult than turning off an ACTION.
• this brings me to a point that, this is perhaps the greatest feat thus far, as it is not a tangible action: cut someone out, stop going there, stop attending to this, etc.  This is truly the first attempt to have control over the mind.  To then re-wire.  To manage my thoughts.  To unearth core beliefs
• to summarize this evening, thus far, I know for sure what does not work.  It is so very obvious based on my life and observations. It does not work when I am overly social, and overly involved in others.  Okay, I am already working onthat.  The next step, I will look at like in yoga..  My stamina has increased tremendously in just 2 months.  Look at what I am capable of.  Perhaps I can increase mental stamina just one step this week/weeks.  I wonder what that step should be…

• This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by Cali Chica.