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Self Trust

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This topic contains 1,633 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  Cali Chica 1 month, 3 weeks ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 1,351 through 1,365 (of 1,634 total)
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  • #293915

    Cali Chica
    Participant

    I imagine she will ALWAYS be proud, I can not imagine anything else.

    #293917

    anita
    Participant

    When she is not proud, when she is disappointed of you, do you make believe it is not happening, do you think of something else, look over there and there, pretending you are not there with her?

    anita

    #293919

    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Well, heres the thing – when she is not proud – she always changes back, or she gets so weak and emotional and then we have to help her be happy again.  So thats what it is.

    I cant recall if I ever pretended it didn’t happen, or distract, or look elsewhere.  Because see, my mom needs a lot of help – and she gets angry sometimes because she is overwhelmed, and after she gets mad or disappointed or there is a big fight it goes back to her feeling sad again – feeling sad about her life.

    #293921

    anita
    Participant

    When she is sad again and you help her and make her happy and then she is sad again and happy again and sad again, what is little Cali Chica doing, is she watching, ready to do what it takes, call a friend over to play so mom has company, or go over to a friend’s home so mom doesn’t have to slave over the company, or maybe go to the mall with mom, or if she wants to talk in the kitchen, be there, or.. what else, where else?

    anita

    #293961

    Cali Chica
    Participant

    dear Anita,

    What else? Where else?

    Hmm lets see…

    Well often it may involve my sister.  I may bring my sister along with me to my friends house so my sister is not lonely at home.  My mom says its good to involve my sister so that she has company too.  Since I have a lot of friends (I am now speaking as an adolescent) then my sister can also enjoy.

    My mom likes to go on vacations a lot, so she will get excited to plan one – so we will talk about that.  But then sometimes she gets stressed out from planning – saying she does everything!!!

    Sometimes during summer vacation I feel like I should stay at home to spend more time with my mom, if she is lonely – if I have been at different friends all weekend.  But also at the same time – it makes my mom happy if I did that.  She always says kids should be out of the house playing and enjoying company, not sitting at home all day.

    #293969

    anita
    Participant

    – how do you know when to stay at home so your mother has company and when to be out of the house playing, does she tell you when to be inside and when to go out?

    anita

     

    #293975

    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Yes Anita. Do you know that she tells me everything. She’ll say OK we have been home alone for two days let’s go somewhere. Or she will say she has so much housework to do, that I should go to a friends house to go play with. Sometimes it will change too. That she will want to go somewhere, but then that person doesn’t respond to her on the phone appropriately—so she says: that’s it why should we go somewhere why don’t we just stay home just us, we don’t need company

    #293983

    anita
    Participant

    Do you remember being alone with her for two whole days? If so, tell me about it, how was it to be with her alone, for two whole days?

    anita

    #294071

    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Yes I do, I Remember many times.  Perhaps not 2 days in entirety but heres how it goes overall – trying not to put my adult perspective or analysis on it :

    My mother wakes up early and does a ton of housework, cleaning adn this and that.  She does it meticulously and is very busy all morning.  Then I’ll eat breakfast, maybe my sister and I watch tV – and then my mom will get angry that we aren’t doing anything, but watching tV.  Before my sister, it would be me.  I would read or play.  She would say how its so sad that kids in America always play indoors alone.

    Then my mom would talk on the phone maybe to her friend or a sister, they would talk about life and their husbands and stuff.

    She would then talk about, to me, what everyone is doing.  This person is going on vacation with this person.  This person’s husband does this, etc.

    Then when my dad gets home my mom is so happy. actually before he gets home my mom will say, don’t worry dad will be home soon – so we are excited for his arrival.

    we eat when my dad comes home all together, then after wards we relax – sometimes I watch TV – sometimes no because then we all talk as a family or I go play.

    #294073

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali Chica:

    Good morning! You are doing well with the exercise, and I want to remind you to write from the child mindset, shorter sentences, less organized, close your eyes, go there in your mind, hear yourself think in a child’s voice, maybe have a child’s expression on your face and type away. Now back to the exercise:

    – when you play indoors alone, in your home, when your mother is cleaning, is it fun?

    anita

    #294075

    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    when you play indoors alone, in your home, when your mother is cleaning, is it fun?

    Yes its fun Anita. My mom and I talk all day and its fun.  She tells me nice stories about India and when she was little and we laugh a lot. we have fun.

    sometimes my mom is sad and she tells me stories about her life and how people are and they can be bad. sometimes she tells me how my dad was to her before i was born.

    i have fun playing indoors, but i know its more fun outside with other people – with other friends in the neighborhood that is better than playing indoors by myself.  it is better to go play outside with the kids, or when people come over..that is best

    #294077

    anita
    Participant

    When you play and she tells you how people are, that people are bad, do you stop playing and listen to her or are you still playing?

    anita

    #294083

    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    well I usually play near my mom, like if she is in the kitchen i play in the living room – and so we talk together.  it kind of is at the same time, not that i stop. or sometimes i sit in the kitchen while she makes food and we talk together

     

    #294087

    anita
    Participant

    It feels good to play in the living while she is in the kitchen, you can hear her and see her anytime, it feels good to know she is right there, isn’t it?

    anita

    #294089

    Cali Chica
    Participant

    yes! it feels so good to know she is there! we are always together – me and my mom

Viewing 15 posts - 1,351 through 1,365 (of 1,634 total)

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