Hi em 🙂

Welcome to the forums✨ I hope that clarity and comfort will soon replace the feeling lost!

As I read your post, I was waiting to read about what the guy you love so much and who loves you back (“I love him so much and I know he loves me”) has done, for you to think that you should break up with him (“I know if one of my friends came to me with this problem id be worried about them and tell them to break up”).

I was expecting to read about those “massive arguments” and the “so many incidents which alone are worthy of a breakup”.

Here’s what you shared: “If we fight and I say I need space he’s repeatedly followed me and knocked on my door until I let him in. He’s also done things like taken my phone/glasses and said I can’t have them back until I talk to him.”-

I would like to understand- first you fight, then you say you need space. What is the initial fight about (before you need space)?

And when he knocks on your door and takes your phone or glasses, does he do it in anger, or does he do it in a clingy kind of joking way?

🤔 Anita

Hello,

From my perspective, you have already made up your mind that you are not happy with your boyfriend because of the arguments and fights. Although you might care a little about him, you care more about your happiness. No one is saying that is wrong. It is what it is. To me, for your boyfriend, the solutions to the fights is to be together and talk it out hence taking your phone until you talk. (There was no mention of his abusing you??) Doesn’t seem like you have spent time opening up your feelings to him. You are still holding back your feelings. And this is what is making you feel like breaking up is the solution. These actions will repeat themselves. If not with the present boyfriend then with the next. How does one find happiness when one can not be open and present even during fights? As I said, this is my perspective. As you mentioned, if this was some friend who had this problem then you would have told them to break up already. You already know you want to break up. You are looking for happiness away from your boyfriend. As that is the solution you are looking for then, that is my answer. You must break up with him. If you can’t be yourself and be open and find yourself in a relationship that has it ups and down but stays together (toughs it out) then you should break up with him.

Of course, please do not listen to my rants. I have been married since 1996. Had plenty of fights. Big and small. But, knew we would tough it out. Trying to keep love alive. Can’t say we have been good at it. We just keep trying. Days turn into weeks. Weeks into months. Months into years. Years into decades. Was I happy all that time? No. But, who would be? Am I happy now? Yeah, I think I am. Marriage is a lot of work. Also, not just looking at it only from my singular perspective but also thru my wife’s eyes.

I wish you love and happiness. Hope you do find what it is that you truly want.

How R U, Em?