Hi Trevor,
I understand the internal conflict you’re going through… See if this helps you…
I notice that when I keep things simple, e.g. eating healthy, keeping my body strong with yoga, practice stillness with meditation, be kind and understanding to people around me, hang out and listen to friends, focus on work while I am work go out to where the people are when I feel like connecting… that’s when I am s lot happier and I feel a lot heavier when I ponder too much on the meaning of life and existence!
Sending lots of love and positivity your way…. Stay blessed!