Hi Anna,

I’m of the belief set that “If it Happened Once, it Can Happen Again”. Has the world really changed all that much since you were 17-23? Have you? And the guy sweeping you off your feet immediately after you broke up… He came on the scene IMMEDIATELY after you broke up! So not so rare, is he? Know what I mean?

I think you’re heartbroken and still shaken up. It’s just a matter of WHEN you get back out there, not IF someone will enter your life.

I agree that you integrate with your town. Make friends with neighbors, in your job, at a place of worship, join the rec center. Then from there I predict something new and wonderful will develop!

Blessings,

Inky

Dear Anna:

My comment is not a direct answer to what you requested on this thread. I re-read your first thread from September 2015 about the two month old relationship. What an intense two months those were and how intensely those two months affected you. Clearly, you were abused by that guy and you still suffer the consequences. You wrote above, on this thread: “I am so ashamed of myself as I am still yearning for him one year after breaking up with him! He is haunting me so much”- present tense, now. You are ashamed now for yearning for him.. now. He is haunting you.. now, presently.

So I wonder if your intense fear of being alone is a fear resulting, at part, at least, from that abusive two months experience?

There are other things I wonder about.

anita

I’ll be honest I don’t want a relationship right now as I am well aware that I am not emotionally stable enough and would much rather establish myself in this new town and know myself outside the context of a relationship before I commit to another person.

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head: take time for yourself. Create a life that you love. Take the time you need.

It sounds like your two-month relationship has left you bruised – but you will come out of it stronger than before. Just take the time you need to do the soul searching you need to figure out what makes you happy outside of a relationship. What are you passionate about?

Hang in there. Time takes time. But when you focus on loving yourself and creating a life you love, magical things begin to happen.

Best,
http://www.365daysofkindness.com

Anna, your post resonated with me so much! I’m 27. I was in a 5-year-long relationship from the time I was 20-25. I took to the dating scene like it was a job. I’ve been on 6 dating sites total, and recently went on my 27th first date in the past 14 months. Do I currently have a boyfriend? No.

I’ve also wondered if my 5-year-long relationship was an anomaly, or some kind of fluke occurance. I want to believe that we’re hear to learn about ourselves, to see the bigger picture, and to ultimately find a sense of inner-peace.

I don’t know what the future holds for me. I thought I would be married and have a home (and possibly a baby) by now. But I don’t.

All I can do is try to make the best of my situation (although the loneliness feels incredibly heavy somedays). Today I was buying groceries alone and seeing couple’s pick out fruit together still stirs up some emotion in me. I know the probability is high that they’ll go home together, share a meal, and genuinely enjoy each other’s company.

I will go home, make a meal by myself, and then read or watch TV. I’m sorry for the pity-story. I’m just having a hard time coming to terms with this. Maybe it’s a feeling that can eventually be embraced? Maybe it just takes some serious mental talk. Literally re-wiring our thought patterns. Certainly having the ability to grocery shop and make yourself a meal is a gift in itself. I feel like my mind disagrees, but deep-down I know change is on our side. There is nothing, not a single thing in this universe that isn’t subject to change. The same can be said for us.