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Still Single After Two Years

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  • #83627
    Love.
    Participant

    Hey! I need some advice about how to get myself back into the dating world.

    Two years ago I broke up with my then boyfriend of 7 years. We started dating in high school and just wanted different things at the end. He ended up cheating on me with a girl, who he is still dating (they’ve been together for two years now) and I am still single!

    I feel really terrified of putting myself back out there, especially after the way things ended with my ex. I still feel really vulnerable and a bit jaded towards relationships. I also still think about my Ex a lot and constantly re-live
    the painful memories of the end of our relationship. I’m just not sure how to let go of the past so that I can move on with my future.

    I know I should have moved on after two years, but I feel completely stuck. I don’t know how to meet guys, besides online (but I usually go on one date with a guy and never want to see them again). I also don’t even know how to probably date someone…

    Help!! I feel lost!!

    #83629
    Matic
    Participant

    Hi love! (you chose your nickname yourself. I am not being a chauvenist! 🙂 )

    Before I share some advice I would appreciate if you tell me more about yourself. What are you doing about bettering yourself? What are your passions? What are your strenghts, your weekneses?

    Thank you!

    Matic

    #83631
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi love,

    What I would do is let people know you are single and looking for someone nice. I don ‘t care if your lead comes from the deli man or the little old neighbor lady ~ everyone knows SOMEONE. Each person knows 100 people and of that mix several of them would be appropriate for you!

    Cast your net!

    Inky

    #83632
    Gill
    Participant

    Hi Love,

    Firstly, i’m sorry to hear you are having a difficult time, a break up is never easy. However, rather than concentrating on finding a new partner perhaps you could focus on what makes you happy. Is there any clubs you could join where you could meet new people, forge new friendships. You may find that by meeting new friends you’ll learn more about yourself and discover what type of person you enjoy spending time with. The old saying you find love when you are not looking for it is one that can be very true.

    You say you are terrified of putting yourself back out there, don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Small steps can lead to big things.

    Hope this help x

    #83633
    Brian
    Participant

    Those are good questions raised by Matic. I’m wondering what you can do (or are already doing) to put yourself forward with strength. What thoughts do you have when you go on a date/consider going on one?

    #83637
    anita
    Participant

    * Like Brian, I too like Matic’s questions (and joke) and looking forward to love’s answers. I often need to ask questions- the way to get more information, often necessary information for better understanding. And then there is also another thing: when a person asks for help and is asked questions (honest questions, questions-for-information, not otherwise)- and the person doesn’t answer the questions, it means to me that for some reason the person is not willing to invest in moving their own problem/s toward resolution, betterment.

    anita

    #83846
    Jodi
    Participant

    One place to start is to get really clear about what exactly you are looking for. (Dating, relationship, casual sex, etc). Also ask yourself what you are afraid of by putting yourself back out there. Many times our fears are not as real as they seem in our head. How realistic is your fear and where does it stem from? You’ll also need to determine if you have thoughts and behaviors that are keeping you stuck and once those are identified, work on overcoming those and dealing with them. I would suggest working through some of these things before jumping back in so that you don’t create more frustration and fear for yourself around the idea of dating. Perhaps a coach or therapist can help get you on the right track and moving towards your goals. Best of luck!

    ~Jodi

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