Haha ooh the LSATs, fun times.  And yea being a lawyer right now is rough…I do corporate law, but really want to immigrants’ rights full-time (which I’m doing now pro bono).  Before I became a lawyer I wanted to be a therapist, until I realized that doing public interest law is essentially like being a therapist and lawyer in one, lol.

And it’s funny that you mentioned communication style.  One insight I’ve gained through this whole TF experience is how much I think I’m being clear with the people I’m dating, when in fact I’m sending mixed signals.  It’s like there’s this whole inner battle raging inside of me between being the “cool girl” who just lets things unfold versus being being someone who is clear and assertive and intentional about what I want–and I guess that conflict comes out in the way I communicate.  I actually just had a romantic experience recently where I felt that inner battle, and ended things after a couple of months because I knew the guy wasn’t for me (despite our super strong chemistry).  It’s kind of crazy how much he reminded me of my TF…he had a hard, masculine shell but loves music/nature and has really deep emotions, he has addiction issues, struggles with depression, etc.  It’s like the universe sent me someone that was my mini-TF, except this time I dealt with it in a much more mature way–and didn’t get back in touch with him after I ended things, the way my old self would have.

That’s the main takeaway I get from this whole TF thing…that in the end I think I’ve come away a stronger, more enlightened person (or at least someone who is attempting to be more enlightened ha).  It’s like my TF experience, painful as it was, has given me the tools I need to be a better dater, friend, relative etc.  And maybe I needed that wayyy more than I needed a soulmate.

And yea, you’re right, asking for that feminine/masculine mix is not too hard to ask for.  Sometimes I’m just worried that I have really high expectations about things, so I downplay my desires lol.  But yea… I’m hoping that now that it’s way more clear to me what I want in a partner (that whole feminine/masculine thing, for starters), it’ll be easier for me to find them.  Or to spot them when they suddenly show up in my life.

Thanks again for sharing your thoughts/experience, Grenada! 🙂

Grenada that’s so awesome!  The work you do sounds super impactful.  I get what you mean about mental health hitting home…I felt that way in college too and ended up majoring in psychology, even though I didn’t end up pursuing it as a career.  I can’t imagine the types of things you encounter every day.  Just the thought of kids who went home to no parents is heartbreaking–it’s really frightening how bad things are right now for a lot of people.

And lol that’s so funny/strange that our TF’s are practically twinsies.  I had watched some of the videos you recommended (the twin flame revolution ones on youtube) and it was funny how much the “runner” twin flame reminded me of my TF (i forgot her name, but she’s super cool).  Just her general attitude and the conviction in her voice, her powerful way of speaking…it reminds me of my TF and why I was was so drawn to him.  It seems like she went through a period of intense addiction too, just like my TF.  I almost wonder if an addictive personality/habits is a commonality in a lot of TF runners (and chasers for that matter).

And yea the music thing is kinda crazy.  Like, I really love music and it’s always been a big part of my life.  Since the very night I met my TF he expressed how important music was to him (within like 10 minutes of meeting him he took me to his room in the middle of a party to listen to his favorite Frank Ocean tracks…dorky I know lol).  It’s like music has connected us from the start.  And I remember something he said that struck me a lot, about how, for him, music is an outlet allows him to express and feel emotions that he normally would feel uncomfortable with, or that society looks down upon.  It’s like he feels this pressure to present this positive, cool guy view to the world, when deep down he has a lot of heavy emotions brewing.  It makes me sad for him that gender stereotypes contribute him to him feeling that way—to him not being able to connect with his emotions outside of music, or to not feel comfortable expressing them with others.  I see a lot of myself in him, because I used to feel the same way, until I realized that building solid female friendships and leaning on them for a support was a way for me to release and express old toxic emotions and memories.