Still very heartbroken over neighbor guy.. it’s still very difficult to process and to know that he doesn’t care and has given me the boot.

It’s been 3 months now…He’s not “coming” back nor is he probably thinking about me.  It’s a very difficult and hard pill to swallow.

It’s heart wrenching..someone that you care deeply about..used you, Ghosted you, and discarded you like a piece of garbage..with such little regard..

I feel like he genuinely thinks I’m beneath him and that he was doing me a favor by dating me..

Unfortunately, while cleaning my front to the best of my ability..I saw him…he walked past me..

I said good morning, have a nice day to him. He said it back and  barely acknowledged me.

After I finished cleaning  ..I went inside and cried.

The only reason why I acknowledged him..was that if I can’t  successfully avoid anyone(I don’t like being around people and try to avoid anyone and being seen…if possible) I’ll at least return or exchange a friendly greeting with them before dashing off…

Plus, I thought that I could eventually make it less awkward for me or both by acknowledging him…since eventually since we live in close proximity..we’d cross paths eventually..

I am unsure if I will acknowledge him anymore.  Perhaps I could pretend not to see him…I wish that I could wish away what happened between us…but I can’t wish it away …nor pretend it didn’t happen.

8 months ..and I’m very confused still…I know that I’ll probably never get any closure..and hopefully I am strong enough to resist him if ever he were to try and work himself back into my life again..

Currently,  I am not strong enough and would accept him back.

I admit, that I love him and that I struggle with resisting daily urges to reach out to him…it’s very difficult not to reach out to him.

I thought about asking him directly if he thinks about me…I know that isn’t a good idea.

I think that he genuinely feels like I’m beneath him and that he was doing me a favor by dating me.

He has shut me out, and I must continue to deal with it..also I must respect his decision for himself and life…no matter how much I don’t agree nor like it. .no matter how he went about it.

I wouldn’t want anyone to impose themselves in my life ..knowing that I wouldnt want that. I’d want me and the decision to be respected.

I thought he was sincere…guess not..

This may be a situation that I’ll never move on from.

I miss him dearly