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Struggling to settle in new role

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  • January 11, 2026 at 1:52 pm #454041
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Tom:

    So good to read your update!

    I think I understand your frustration with the screaming and shouting “big” (not) personalities 😑 while you, on the “quiet side”, are doing the real, everyday work.

    40 in March, huh? “Just a pup 🐶 ” like a 73 year-old friend of mine would say!

    One day at a time, Tom. Congrats for the overall 👏 positive annual review!

    (I am using my phone 📱 and these emojis just show up. I like them)

    🤍 Anita

    January 12, 2026 at 6:09 pm #454100
    anita
    Participant

    “Keep my head down at work”, you wrote.

    Maybe there is a middle way, Tom, in between those loud, screaming and shouting personalities at work AND keeping one’s head down?

    A middle way that Tom can do very well before he turns 40?

    🤍 Anita

    January 13, 2026 at 1:40 am #454110
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Tom
    Hopefully those reviewing your annual appraisal will see that the good statements come from those who work closely with you & give them more weight.
    If you can see yourself as quietly confident, rather than trying to mimic the fervor of the outgoing shouty people. Often those who shout the most are covering up for their own fear at being inadequate etc.
    My son works at a preschool & is very playful, but on the odd occasion when he raises his voice slightly, deepens his tone & speaks slowly everyone stops & takes notice even the other adults in the room.
    Kind regards
    Roberta

    January 18, 2026 at 8:56 am #454282
    Tom
    Participant

    Yeah, I just don’t want to have to self promote myslef to be heard. Just want to do my job and go home.

    I keep looking for alternative options but not too much around for me at the moment.

    Hope everyone is well.

    January 18, 2026 at 11:06 am #454284
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Tom:

    Then keeping your head down at work and looking for a different job, a different work environment makes perfect sense. I hope it will happen sooner than later 🙂 🤞

    🤍 Anita

    February 20, 2026 at 12:35 pm #455374
    Tom
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Hope you have been keeping well.

    I have been busy with work and staying active etc which is postive. Work has been busy and quite stressful but continue to do my best whilst looking elsewhere. No real progress on the looking elsewhere front as not much out there.

    Turn 40 in a few weeks and I know my partner has planned a trip. Guess its a funny birthday as makes me reflect and wonder if i am where i thought would be etc. Guess I didn’t expect to in a unhappy job etc.

    February 20, 2026 at 1:30 pm #455376
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Tom:

    It’s good to hear from you 🙂 and I’m glad you are keeping active even with work being stressful.

    It makes sense that turning 40 brings up reflection — big birthdays often do.

    You’re doing your best in a tough job while still looking for something better, and that effort counts. And it’s lovely that your partner planned a trip for your birthday — you deserve something enjoyable and grounding right now.

    I remember how much pressure I put on myself to be at a different place in life from where I was at 30 and at 40, feeling that I failed some objective standards. I felt like a failure and that hurt so much.

    If I could go back in time and give my younger 40-year-old self-advice, I’d say to her: you don’t deserve to suffer. You’re trying your best with what you’ve been given. You don’t have to reach any objective standard. You are a good person at heart. Please be gentle with yourself. Please love yourself, truly.

    I say the same to you, Tom 🙂

    🤍 Anita

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