- This topic has 164 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 3 days, 12 hours ago by
anita.
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January 11, 2026 at 1:52 pm #454041
anitaParticipantDear Tom:
So good to read your update!
I think I understand your frustration with the screaming and shouting “big” (not) personalities 😑 while you, on the “quiet side”, are doing the real, everyday work.
40 in March, huh? “Just a pup 🐶 ” like a 73 year-old friend of mine would say!
One day at a time, Tom. Congrats for the overall 👏 positive annual review!
(I am using my phone 📱 and these emojis just show up. I like them)
🤍 Anita
January 12, 2026 at 6:09 pm #454100anitaParticipant“Keep my head down at work”, you wrote.
Maybe there is a middle way, Tom, in between those loud, screaming and shouting personalities at work AND keeping one’s head down?
A middle way that Tom can do very well before he turns 40?
🤍 Anita
January 13, 2026 at 1:40 am #454110
RobertaParticipantDear Tom
Hopefully those reviewing your annual appraisal will see that the good statements come from those who work closely with you & give them more weight.
If you can see yourself as quietly confident, rather than trying to mimic the fervor of the outgoing shouty people. Often those who shout the most are covering up for their own fear at being inadequate etc.
My son works at a preschool & is very playful, but on the odd occasion when he raises his voice slightly, deepens his tone & speaks slowly everyone stops & takes notice even the other adults in the room.
Kind regards
RobertaJanuary 18, 2026 at 8:56 am #454282
TomParticipantYeah, I just don’t want to have to self promote myslef to be heard. Just want to do my job and go home.
I keep looking for alternative options but not too much around for me at the moment.
Hope everyone is well.
January 18, 2026 at 11:06 am #454284anitaParticipantDear Tom:
Then keeping your head down at work and looking for a different job, a different work environment makes perfect sense. I hope it will happen sooner than later 🙂 🤞
🤍 Anita
February 20, 2026 at 12:35 pm #455374TomParticipantHi Anita,
Hope you have been keeping well.
I have been busy with work and staying active etc which is postive. Work has been busy and quite stressful but continue to do my best whilst looking elsewhere. No real progress on the looking elsewhere front as not much out there.
Turn 40 in a few weeks and I know my partner has planned a trip. Guess its a funny birthday as makes me reflect and wonder if i am where i thought would be etc. Guess I didn’t expect to in a unhappy job etc.
February 20, 2026 at 1:30 pm #455376anitaParticipantDear Tom:
It’s good to hear from you 🙂 and I’m glad you are keeping active even with work being stressful.
It makes sense that turning 40 brings up reflection — big birthdays often do.
You’re doing your best in a tough job while still looking for something better, and that effort counts. And it’s lovely that your partner planned a trip for your birthday — you deserve something enjoyable and grounding right now.
I remember how much pressure I put on myself to be at a different place in life from where I was at 30 and at 40, feeling that I failed some objective standards. I felt like a failure and that hurt so much.
If I could go back in time and give my younger 40-year-old self-advice, I’d say to her: you don’t deserve to suffer. You’re trying your best with what you’ve been given. You don’t have to reach any objective standard. You are a good person at heart. Please be gentle with yourself. Please love yourself, truly.
I say the same to you, Tom 🙂
🤍 Anita
February 22, 2026 at 7:33 pm #455387anitaParticipantI wonder how 39-year-old Tom is feeling today/ tonight. I hope 🙏 well?
✨️ Anita
March 1, 2026 at 1:02 pm #455594TomParticipantHi Anita,
I’m ok. 9 days now until my birthday!! Do feel like i’m lacking purpose still but just trying to do what I can and be grateful for having a job and income. I hope you are well.
March 1, 2026 at 1:58 pm #455595anitaParticipantHi Tom (Almost 🎂4️⃣0️⃣🥳)
I just realized that we first talked when you were 30 (Dec 20, 2016), my goodness, time flies!
How about coming up with a purpose before your 40th birthday- not an objective purpose like getting a particular job, but something subjective, like… well, you tell me (if you will 😊)
✨️ Anita
March 3, 2026 at 1:19 pm #455648TomParticipantYes, time does fly, mad to think it’s been 10 years.
I am trying to get as fit as possible and in the best shape I have been. I have been training and eating clean and like the purpose of getting in the best shape i can at 40. Gives me someting to focus on & work towards with discipline and dedication.
March 3, 2026 at 6:52 pm #455662anitaParticipantDear Tom:
As fit 💪 and as young as possible, I like that! That’s just what I do. Actually, I am more fit now than I was at 40.
At 40, I was overweight and sluggish. Now, I’m slender and agile.
Did you ever attend a tai-chi class? That’s one practice that combines physical fitness and mental fitness.
💪🤍🕺 Anita
March 9, 2026 at 9:46 am #455814TomParticipantI have never tried tai-chi but will look to see if anything local. Keep using my calm app daily to help in terms of mindfulness.
Turn 40 tomorrow, think my partner has a Euro trip planned for a few days so will try and switch off from work and be present and enjoy it if I can.
March 9, 2026 at 10:02 am #455816anitaParticipantDear Tom:
I marked your birthday on my calendar so to send you a happy birthday message with lots of emojis tomorrow 😊. I hope you do enjoy a Euro trip with your partner as well as somehow celebrate this evening the closing of 3️⃣0️⃣ with a sense of optimism for 4️⃣0️⃣
🤞🤞🤞Anita
March 10, 2026 at 6:27 am #455851anitaParticipant🎂🎉🎈🥳🎁✨🎊🍰🎆🎀🎇🎵💝🕯️HaPpY 4️⃣0️⃣ BiRtHdAy TOM 🎶🎉🎂🥂🎈🎊🎁🍾🎀🥳🎉
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