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The Search for the Greatest Me and a Better World

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  • April 16, 2015 at 5:16 pm #75446
    Christopher Joseph Meigs
    Participant

    Hey, how’s it going everyone? This is my first post, so I guess I’ll just go for a minute here and see what people think.

    Alright. So first off, I’m a 23 year male. Fairly good looking (if I do say so myself!). I come from a rather well-off family. Upper-middle class, in the upper 2.5% on the socioeconomic scale. I’ve got a lot of great opportunities. I’m in a great school and have lots of friends. I’m a great guitar player, artist, athlete, student. It seems like I have everything all wrapped up in a nice package just waiting to be opened. I could be whatever I want to be. Anything from the list of what seems like a countless number of professions, you name it!

    But for whatever reason, I don’t really want any of that. Nothing seems to truly interest me. I could be a doctor. Nope. A psychologist? I’ll pass. An engineer, marketing director, anything! No thanks. I also feel somewhat ashamed of my advantageous background. I see people struggling to pay for school and it make me feel horrible that my education is practically being paid for by my parents. It’s almost embarrassing. I also feel like it has paradoxically left me with more opportunities, but has deprived me the opportunity of developing skills to help me better myself through connections. Deprived me of true ambition. But ambition is a double sided coin and I don’t really care about connections for for the sake of advantageous leverage. I just like to know people for who they are. I don’t like to ask for help. Not for the stereotypical “it shows weakness” response, but because I am highly aware of the lives other people lead. I do not want to take up someones time if I don’t have to. I feel that it is incredibly disrespectful.

    But for the most part, I seek something greater. Perhaps a journey of some sort. I’ve always been infatuated by old stories like The Lord of the Rings or The Hobbit. So in a sense, I think that might be something I need. Or maybe an opportunity to change the world in a way that sends shockwaves across the Earth. I want to bring balance and peace to torn regions. I want to end corruption here at home. I want people to understand that there is more to life than money and trivial pursuits and that beyond our religions and ethnicities, we are all just simply human. Simply human. Same heart, same lungs, same eyes and ears. Simply Human.

    My friends are great, but I can never seem to connect with any of them on a deeper level. It’s as if they are afraid to talk about major matters and would rather talk about what will boost their resume, what they will do after college, who is dating who, or why some odd professor is a horrible instructor for giving them a C on their report or test. They seem to be fixated with the idea of following the straight and steady path. Some express a desire to change, but they quickly state that it’s probably best to just stick with what is safe. Like they couldn’t understand this restlessness I feel, even if I had the words to describe it. It almost feel like I’m on the precipice of some cognitive evolution or revelation. If I can just cross the threshold, all that is blind to me will be revealed. Something is happening, internally and externally, I can feel it. Like there is something beyond the physical realm. The world of the five senses. Even as I write this, I feel an unexplainable connection. There just feels like there is something hidden, oddly enough, in the air.

    I’m not trying to come across as “higher-than-thou-art” or anything, and I’m not insane (well, at least I wouldn’t think. Of course, I’m me so why would I, eh?). I’m just trying to understand. Understand who I am. Understand why things have to be the way they are today. Could they be different? Could they change? Would anyone accept such change? Or are most people blinded by the pursuit of that “perfect life” of success. Success defined by Western ideology.

    I have a theory about the simple “ABC” song. The one we all learn at a young age. If you impose the cadence of this song over top of the lifetime of an average First World individual, you will find that is seems to line up. I’m not saying that this is proof that we are indoctrinated into believing that there is only the pursuit of happiness through education, homeownership, having the typical American life with kids and a dog. In essence, becoming a “contributing member of society”. But we are indoctrinated. And if not indoctrinated, in fear. Fear that deviation will only cause the destruction and devastation of the self. I am in that camp of fear.

    In the twilight years of my college career, I feel as if the water around my head it rising with one place to go. The only way to escape is to pull the release lever that says “Enter the System.” But I don’t want to enter the system. The system is too narrow. Too broken. My mind is a consolidation of so much. Knowledge, wisdom, curiosity, creativity, intellectualtivity. It’s too broad to be forced down a narrow path. The light inside would quickly be snuffed out. Extinguished in an instant. And the is my anguish. To lose that light.

    And thus I end this long winded post with hope that there are others out there who have experience with such matters. I’m not lost, just wandering, restlessly searching for answers.

    Thank you.

    April 16, 2015 at 7:35 pm #75450
    Caroline
    Participant

    Hey there!

    I am glad you posted here because I know exactly how you feel! I am from the same background, and have done many of the same things as you. I am about to turn 22, and I have never felt more weird/confused/vulnerable about life. Like you, I have kind of been on a conveyer belt my entire life. I am graduating undergrad this May and I will be starting graduate school in August. Pretty main stream… I have many talents and abilities, but I sometimes feel like I don’t really know what I want out of life yet! I never used to think about it, I thought just getting my bachelors degree and eventually becoming an OT would make me happy. I wouldn’t say that I am unhappy, but I just feel like I am also on a narrow path. I always thought I knew who I was and what I wanted…but I think what I wanted is what society wants. Ugh. It’s a tough cycle and the more you think about it the more you begin to worry. Unfortunately, this time period has caused me much anxiety and panic, which isn’t fun at all. I just feel like there has to be more to life than what meets the eye but I just can’t put my finger on what it exactly is yet. I don’t think I am crazy either, besides the fact that I can overanalyze things too much sometimes! Luckily, I have some friends who I can connect with on a deeper level, but it’s still hard to relate sometimes. I think the most important thing to remember is that things do happen for a reason…even if you don’t quite understand it yet! 🙂

    April 17, 2015 at 1:31 am #75455
    Line
    Participant

    Hey!

    I wrote the same kind of post to my blog last night, so yours appeared like someone had suddenly translated my own thoughts into English. Like you, I feel I am blessed with my living circumstances, talents, interests and I appreciate it. Now, at 25, soon to have a MA degree, I feel free of obligations. However, with every decision I take now, I am confronted with the question “why?” and oftentimes sink into it and never take any action. Especially with creative ideas. I am wondering if it happens because I have never really had to cross my boundaries and extend my abilities to realize my goals. I feel the time to do it is now. So I debate with myself on which direction to go, at the same time not wanting to leave any of my interests to the background. This behaviour prevents me from having “the goal” and I am left with a feeling that I do not use my full potential at all. It just feels I am on a request of uniting seemingly very different fields of knowledge, but it is a tricky thing to do if one wants a nice, straightforward CV at the same time. 😛 However, I would not call myself unhappy or label the questions I face as problems. I just try to take it as a learning opportunity.

    I would also like to encourage you to keep being as open-minded (or more) as you are now, although it might be a challenge. In times of need, others often value advice from people like you. 🙂

    April 17, 2015 at 4:51 am #75458
    Will
    Participant

    Hey CJ,

    I read your thread title and thought, huh, that’s a little grandiose. And then I read your post and it made me smile. OK, so, it’s a lot grandiose, but you’re 23 and a little grandiosity can be forgiven in the “about the graduate from college”. And heck, for all I know, you’re headed for actual greatness. Could well be.

    So what are you going to do with this sense of restlessness, this resistence to entering the system (which seems inevitable), this longing for an escape hatch?

    Simple. You’re going to find an escape hatch, and you’re going to use it.

    There is no law that says you have to have 2.5 kids and a mortgage in five years. The world teems with other options, especially if you’ve got a financial safety net. Go do something interesting. Be a worker/volunteer in a third world country. Go build a school. Go vaccinate children in rural areas of Africa. Become a Thai forest monk. Go to Pakistan. Teach in India. Become a martial arts instructor and set up a program for inner city kids in your own country. If you want to make a difference, go and make a difference. You can. You, especially, can.

    People do this all the time. People like you. It’s an option. Yes, there will be obstacles, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do it. Keep looking for possibilities and the obstacles will move aside for you. As you pursue these off the beaten track opportunities, you will meet other people who, like you, are not interested in the standard narrative and the picket fence lifestyle. People you will click with more readily, and who can challenge your mind to open further and learn more. You may even edge over that precipice to your revelation. I don’t know what that would be, but it’s possible. And it’s more likely to happen if you do something strange, than if you keep with the normal normal.

    Go do it, man.

    And you know, if you go do some stuff and it doesn’t quite work out, or you get homesick and just want to settle down, it’s not going to be too late to get an MBA and a mortgage and 2.5 kids. You can always go that way if it turns out you want to. So there’s really no need to rush going down that road now.

    Good luck.

    April 17, 2015 at 5:34 am #75461
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi There!

    I’m speaking as someone who also had your fortunate beginnings and was also overwhelmed with impending Freedom.

    Life is long, so you can do it all. The important thing though is to begin.

    I’m sensing that you need One Big Adventure and one Mission from God, as long as you’re out of the box and can do it.

    1. Find out where TLotR and The Hobbit were filmed. (Ireland? Australia? Iceland? I don’t know.) Then make it a point to spend a couple weeks in each of those places.

    2. Save the World by doing things like Habitat for Humanity, and join the Peace Corp. Go to churches that do a lot of outreach. Find out what organizations they’re part of/help out with. Go to those organizations. Help out. Like Will said, meet those like minded people. See what the organization does. Mimic their model to start your own organization.

    I also see you running for office on a local level. Go to town meetings. Get involved. Even in affluent communities there may be a languishing food pantry and there are always people in need.

    3. One day you may in fact need to start grad school, find a job and, if you want to, settle down. You are not failing yourself by going on that track. You will have already made new ones!

    Blessings.

    April 17, 2015 at 7:43 am #75467
    Martina Weiss
    Participant

    You have the answers inside of you and you expressed some of them in your post above. So go for it. Do what makes you happy. Don’t do what doesn’t inspire you just because you’re expected to do so. It is your life. You only have one. So go out there and create the life you dream of.

    What brings you joy? What are you good at? What do you dream of doing? Imagine you wake up one morning and everything is the way you wish it to be – how does it look like?

    It sounds like you want to change the world. I was told in your age that I won’t be able to do so. I’m now a few years older and I know I can change the world – and I will.
    It also sounds like you are a born entrepreneur. Go for it. Create something that doesn’t exist yet. Change the world.

    Have you aver heard of the Myers-Briggs Personality Test? Do it – it helped me a lot to understand myself and it inspired me to follow what I’m supposed to do in this world. Check it out here (website itself is not really inspiring;): http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

    All the best for your future. You have everything it takes.

    April 18, 2015 at 4:07 pm #75512
    AikiBen
    Participant

    To cjbuddha017,

    I can tell you something to give you some relief. It’s almost ten years ago now that I started with the same kinds of feelings and thoughts that you are now talking about. Having come to where I am now I want to tell you a few things. I discovered that there was an inner purpose to my life. I have since that time been learning to listen to and open up to it. Gradually it seems, as you do this it unfolds in your life to the extent that now I feel it is also dictating my outer life in all respects too. As I continually connect with that place inside me and more and more follow it’s instruction (manifesting it in my external life), life is becoming more and more meaningful, full of purpose and fulfilling. I strongly believe that this inner purpose it available to all of us, it’s simply that the vast majority of people either haven’t acknowledged it or if it does pop up in their head up then they dismiss it and thereby ignore it. So, consider yourself lucky firstly that you are becoming conscious of something, of it, that your pain and suffering have caused you to find it, this it how it was for me and the way it is perhaps for most.

    And some words of reassurance. You don’t need to worry that you won’t find what I’m talking about, that you’ll somehow ‘miss the boat’ so to speak, so long as you DON’T IGNORE these yearnings. So long as you don’t ignore/suppress it, but seek answers and allow it to unfold, then it will unfold, it has no other choice. You don’t need to worry about if you are doing it correctly or about trying to speed it up (which constantly happens at first), it has an inevitable process about it so in that sense you can relax, you just have to keep on slowly and gently chipping away at it. It can be very difficult at times, but it’s worth it to persevere.

    At first, just as you are now I think, we question and doubt our own feelings, our own experience. You said: “But I don’t want to enter the system. The system is too narrow. Too broken. My mind is a consolidation of so much. Knowledge, wisdom, curiosity, creativity, intellectuality. It’s too broad to be forced down a narrow path. The light inside would quickly be snuffed out. Extinguished in an instant. And the is my anguish. To lose that light.” You know what, you are bang on. Listen to your feelings, they are speaking your truth. A the moment you may question such a statement that feelings like this are truth until you have made some progress down ‘the path’. You may not know this until you get the inner realisation of it, it’s something that cannot be explained logically just in the same way that God cannot be explained logically. So yes, listen to those feelings, act on them.

    Best wishes,

    Ben.

    April 19, 2015 at 2:43 pm #75535
    Bar
    Participant

    Wow you really come across as incredibly vain, selfish and ungrateful. And this “fix the world” complex you have will not make you any better in your own mind, maybe in the eyes of others…but your only fooling yourself. I don’t even get what the problem is here, all i see is a rich spoiled kid with no moral compass or direction in his life, lost at the edge of “manhood” and afraid of how to proceed. Dude work on yourself, get to know yourself, give up all your material things and do not be ruled by them.

    Maybe you feel guilty because you have all these opportunities and others don’t. Well guess what, that’s the way it is. Don’t feel guilty because you have money, use it for the better. You get more when you give. Coincidentally…I need a new PC…chance of a 1000 dollars for one?? 😛

    Go easy bro 🙂

    April 19, 2015 at 8:47 pm #75548
    Christopher Joseph Meigs
    Participant

    Good evening all,

    Thanks for all of your responses and advice. There are a lot of things that resonate with me, few that do not, and one opinion that is actually more constructive than the poster may have intended. I will exam all of them.

    Caroline. Congratulations on graduate school! That is quite the accomplishment! I’ve got several friends going through such an undertaking and it’s not joke. But I’ll bet that if you believe in your abilities, you’ll be able to go much further than you think, despite your confusion and fear! If you’ve had a chance to read AikiBen’s post, I would highly recommend it. It’s rather inspiring. You’ve got that same curiosity and an understanding that there is something else out there to discover (as there always seems to be). You’ve just got to keep chipping away. I like that notion and I hope that it brings you closer to what you seek in this life.

    Line. I appreciate your advice and your struggle. Making decisions can be very difficult sometimes and also quite frightening. A year ago, I wouldn’t have even considered studying abroad in China. Now I am less than a month away from being there. I feel that this experience will help with crossing boundaries and taking more risks in my life in the future. It’s always hard to get outside of your comfort zone. But I am finding that the more you do so, the more comfortable you become with who you are. It is a great feeling and I want to share this new, happier me with the world. I hope for both of us that we can further that aspect of inner growth and comfortability and continue to bring joy to others.

    Will. I know it seems like my post may come across as a little grandiose, though that was not my intent. I appreciate your advice to go out and explore the world. I actually really liked the idea of becoming a monk. That has actually been something I’ve considered doing for the past year. Same with a martial arts school. Bring learning, discipline, and compassion to students. But that sort of plays back on the whole indecisiveness. Again, I hope the China trip will open my eyes and bring courage and purpose to the decisions I make in the future.

    Inky (nice name=D). The idea of an adventure has been close to my heart for a while, now. I’d definitely like to visit New Zealand, explore the world. Live in underdeveloped countries and learn as much as I can from these places. And who knows, maybe I will end up in grad school and continue my studies. But I feel like that have to come after that time of wandering. After I’ve chipped away at whatever meaning I’m searching for. Thank you, Inky, your suggestions are worthy of consideration and assimilation into my thoughts!

    Martina. Your enthusiasm is very inspiring and I enjoy your introspective questions! I’ll definitely set aside some time and figure out some of these things. As for the Myers-Briggs test, I have taken it many times. I’ve gotten a slough of different results and I can relate to more than one of the personality types. Most of my results put me in the middle of the E and I, the F and T, and the P and J. The N is the only aspect that seems to be consistently strong and is dominant over my S. I respect the idea of Myers-Briggs and I thought that it would have brought me closer to understanding myself, but I no longer think it can be used as an accurate basis for my personality type. It becomes more confusing for me when I try to type myself since I can relate to several types. Nonetheless, I thank you for your advice!

    AikiBen. Your post was incredibly inspiring and enlightening. It makes sense to me that that would be the best route for me to take as I move forward in life. To chip away slowly at this enduring question of self-actualization. I take your words to heart when you call upon me to keep the light burning and not ignore this yearning to grow ever greater. To help those around me and take all things, successes and failures, as learning experiences for future decisions. I will try harder to follow my feelings and act upon them in the most positive way I can. Thank you for reading and sharing your own wisdom for all.

    Bar. I’m sorry you see my post the way you do. I get that some of the things in my post might have come across as vain, selfish, or ungrateful. I was a rich, spoiled kid. But I found out that money isn’t everything, and it sounds (to me at least) that you think money is a fix all (correct me if I’m wrong). And to say that I have no moral compass without knowing me. That is a rather unfair assessment of my character. I have a set of values that I hold quite high, and I strive to maintain a humble demeanor and maintain the integrity I have established within myself over the years. I posted on these boards BECAUSE I am looking to improve myself. I want to change the world for the better. I don’t see how that comes as selfish. When our forefathers and mothers who came before us, men and women of science, technology, wisdom, courage, freedom, liberty, compassion. Those who wanted to change the world, as I do. People laughed at them. Stood in their way and told them that they couldn’t do it. But united they stood, and united they made progress. Even over the course of decades or centuries. Would you bring down those who seek a better world, or would you seek to stand beside them. Hell, maybe you might also have a cause you wish to stand for. Would you want someone to bring you down?

    I thank you all for your thoughts and ideas. Your questions and criticism. It has given me faith and a lot to ponder. New perspective to explore and much to consider moving forward. If any of you ever need any help or advice. Feel free to contact me and i will help to the best of my abilities! Again, I thank you all and wish you all well!

    April 20, 2015 at 2:10 pm #75592
    Christopher.m
    Participant

    CJ

    I am similar to you in many ways… Played college basketball. And was an overachiever in every sense of the word. Had the choice of investment banking or med school.

    In your 20s you don’t want to close many doors so I would say make sure to take a position of some sorts… Whether it be teach for america, a monastery, or if necessary a regular 9 to 5 job.. You could possibly push back graduation. Just don’t have a huge gap on your resume for years.

    I advise you to make a career decision based upon your values and to not be in any serious romantic relationships… Women tend to cloud judgenent at such a young age.

    Honestly man, everyone is so preoccupied with their life that they time to care about what you do … So just do what you think makes sense for your personality and financially. Thinking this way is liberating. I advise getting off Facebook and all social media and really thinking about what you want… Not what your mom wants, not what the hot blonde wants, and not what your friends think. Everyone wants you to be something different but only you know what works… I sense part of the reason you can’t decide is because you are trying to please everyone… That will never work. I was similarly torn.

    Talk to people in treading in the fields you’re interested in. Do the research. Read books about it… and go for it… No path is ideal. All have drawbacks. I’ll be honest so many things can go wrong that you might as well just go for what you want. Even safe paths like accounting or engineering have a ton of work and luck involved

    Its good you want to help other people. However realize alot of these jobs don’t pay very well go start (or ever)… Are you OK with that? Just realize if you are a professional volunteer that the super hot club girls won’t be interested. Money talks in the social scene once you’re out of school. Just telling you reality. The dating scene is a lot different out of college. You go from top of the world (senior) to bottom of the totum pole. Its a rough transition. Materialism in the US is rampant.

    Again. I recommend doing what you feel is right. Do not consult anyone including well meaning friends and family as they will only confuse you…. Each will have a different idea. I recommend the following reading

    The Alchemist
    The way of the seal – mark devine

    April 20, 2015 at 3:06 pm #75593
    Christopher.m
    Participant

    Also. I have one more idea to offer you…. When you do decide to try a particular path..Be careful who you tell your dreams to. Most people will either say you can’t do it or be jealous of you for actually having a dream and shit on it.

    Moreover, there will always be someone in that field you have chosen that went into it for the wrong reasons and is unhappy and bitching about it.

    Read Ayn Rand “the fountainhead” or “atlas shrugged”.. Both are classics as they describe how a lot of simple minded people will project their weaknesses on you… And of course only care about what other people think.

    Namaste

    April 21, 2015 at 3:45 am #75625
    Will
    Participant

    Christopher, do you think it’s possible for you to dial down on the sexism in your posts? And on the rampant materialism, which may not be super appropriate in a Buddhist environment?

    April 21, 2015 at 9:48 am #75634
    Christopher.m
    Participant

    Will

    I am sorry if I have offended you. However I am merely stating my opinion on this topic. Please respect my opinion. Do not allow your ego to take offense to my version of reality. Instead of defending myself I ask you go ponder some questions about my response.

    Is it not true that being in a serious romantic relationship can often cloud a very young person’s judgement? Is it not true that some women value material wealth above all? Is it not true that many men and women have selfish needs and wants in this world? I am not judging these facts as good or bad. This is simply reality.

    Lastly I merely stated that the USA is full of rampant materialism. This is reality. I am in no way judging this as good or bad. It is simply reality. I do not advise the poster to pursue this path but I am attempting to convey what the world is like in many ways outside of a college… I hope he finds a way to pursuing meaningful work. However, I am just warning him of the oppostition and realities that he will face if he chooses to travel the road less traveled.

    The post was from the heart.

    Namaste

    April 23, 2015 at 3:20 am #75710
    Will
    Participant

    Just to clarify what I was referring to:

    From your post, emphasis mine:

    In your 20s you don’t want to close many doors so I would say make sure to take a position of some sorts… Whether it be teach for america, a monastery, or if necessary a regular 9 to 5 job.. You could possibly push back graduation. Just don’t have a huge gap on your resume for years.

    […]

    Honestly man, everyone is so preoccupied with their life that they time to care about what you do … So just do what you think makes sense for your personality and financially.

    […]

    Its good you want to help other people. However realize alot of these jobs don’t pay very well go start (or ever)… Are you OK with that? Just realize if you are a professional volunteer that the super hot club girls won’t be interested. Money talks in the social scene once you’re out of school. Just telling you reality. The dating scene is a lot different out of college. You go from top of the world (senior) to bottom of the totum pole. Its a rough transition. Materialism in the US is rampant.

    [End quote]

    You’re talking to someone who’s expressed interest in being a monk, and who wants to get out of the standard life trap. It just seems weird to me that you’d tell him to make sure he worries about what his CV is going to look like. Or what the hot club girls are going to think.

    In other threads you show a preoccupation with rich and famous people which, frankly, baffles me. “Even the rich and famous get their hearts kicked around.” The statement is not untrue, but so what? And why would we expect otherwise? “Even plumbers get their hearts broken!” True, but — ???

    As for sexism, you regularly make sweeping statements about women as if they’re some kind of separate species, but what stuck in my craw was the hot club girl comment already quoted (There’s also a hot blonde casually mentioned — out of nowhere, there’s no hot blonde anywhere else in the thread — aggravating the situation):

    “Just realize if you are a professional volunteer that the super hot club girls won’t be interested.”

    This implies, unpleasantly, that super hot club girls are the only women worth having. Combined with your insistence, elsewhere, that your opinion is worth taking seriously because of how beautiful your wife is (and the girls you dated before her) betray a rather sexist attitude: a woman’s value can be reduced to her beauty, and success in life, or at least relationships, comes down to landing the most beautiful woman you can.

    If that’s your version of reality, I don’t like it. Yes, it offends me. I sincerely hope that you will stop saying these kinds of things.

    As for your questions:

    Is it not true that being in a serious romantic relationship can often cloud a very young person’s judgement?
    Is it not true that being in a serious career can cloud a very young person’s judgement? Or being part of a highly politicised group? Or going to a particular college? Is it not true that being in a serious romantic relationship can give a very young person invaluable life experiences and joy? Why do you feel the need to warn this particular person against romantic relationships, in particular?

    Is it not true that some women value material wealth above all?
    This is likely to be true, as women vary and value all kinds of stuff, like men do. Some percentage of people are wealth-driven, I accept this. But you are talking to someone who’s expressed interest in being a monk, or at least getting off the beaten track and giving the rat race a big middle finger. Why on earth would a person like that be interested in a woman who values material wealth above all? That is clearly not going to be a good match, so he doesn’t have to worry about those women. Why would you even bring them up? They have nothing to do with this situation.

    Is it not true that many men and women have selfish needs and wants in this world?
    Is it not true that we are here, on Tiny Buddha, because we are attracted to Buddhist teachings? Are we not all, in our varied ways, trying to be less selfish and ego-driven? CJ clearly is, he’s interested in helping people and making the world better. Why are you advising against being selfless, and reminding him to make sure he worries about that gap in his CV and what the hot club girls are going to think?

    April 23, 2015 at 1:53 pm #75722
    Christopher.m
    Participant

    Will,

    I am sorry to have caused you such anxiety. I can really feel the pain, the judging, and ultimately the resistance to my opinion in your post. It feels as if you wish to control me so that your idea of what is “right” is forcefully made to be the same . You will never succeed in this effort & you are wasting a great deal of energy on this. I would chalk this one up to one of life’s many lessons.

    I suggest you develop a daily mindful meditation practice. This will help you quell your anxiety, the need to be “right”, and need to convince others to agree with your version of reality. You will see that we all believe ourselves to be the sole possessors of what is true and just.To be honest, I can’t help but feel that alot of your hatred is because I serve to in some ways hold up a mirror of reality of modern society to you — e.g. alot of meaningful jobs do not pay well to start (or ever), the US is full of rampant materialism, etc. You will realize that this is neither good or bad — it just is. Resisting it or ignoring it only serves to cause suffering. Being aware of it is the first step forwards freedom and breaking away from the “system” as you put it.

    As far as me mentioning my wife in previous posts involving relationship issues of various OPs — I do that so people know I am a credible source (as is possible on an internet forum) and not some guy that hasn’t had a date in 9 months. You should never seek advice from someone that does not have what you seek. This is common sense advice. Hence the wise saying – “consider the source”.

    In my post to this young man seeking advice, I attempted to convey the need to follow HIS dreams — and not to value the opinions of his well-meaning friends, family, and beautiful young women that will all be clambering for his attention over the next decade. The world is full of distractions. For example, my mother wanted me to be a veterinarian, my father a banker, my girlfriend at the time a CPA, my grandma a doctor, and my teammates a professional basketball player — when I was in college. I went through a similar situation to him when I was in school and had numerous options. Well meaning friends and family often serve to only confuse someone more when faced with difficult career decisions. You can’t make everyone happy and once I realized this my decisions became much more authentic and easier.

    I did in some ways hark on the expectations and needs of some women is because for some men their love life is one of the highest priorities in life…. the dating scene IS different out of school. Many young women ARE looking for security. Many beautiful women DO expect to be taken care of. I do not judge this as right or wrong. Rather our state of reality – possibly as a product of thousands of years of evolution. What is the first question people ask you at a social gathering in the USA? “SO, what do you DO?”…. It was somewhat of a shock to me when I graduated a number of years back how much emphasis is placed on one’s career in the dating scene. This is useful advice but probably nothing the poster has never heard before. In sum, I was attempting to convey that if the OP wanted a family and kids by the age of 27 that he would need to have a relatively stable paying job by then. I was simply asking if he was OK with this… as he has been living in a proverbial bubble by living off has parents financially for some time now.

    In sum, I attempted to advice the poster to follow his dreams and to be aware of common pitfalls of seeking meaningful work in a capitalistic world. If you think about it, my advice is not much different from the message conveyed in the Buddhist classic “Siddhartha’ by Herman Hess (1922) — in it, the young talented man (such as our poster) is distracted by a beautiful woman, earns money to win her heart (becomes a merchant), then falls into the pitfalls of pleasure seeking (riches, drugs, alcohol, etch) for a number of years- before finally coming full circle to become an enlightened humble man by the river. I suggest you read this book if you have not already.

    The struggle for a man to stay true to oneself in a world full of distractions is not easy – this has been the case for centuries. I am sure similar distractions are readily available to the modern day woman as well but in our the case the OP is male.

    Namaste

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