September 19, 2014 at 10:28 am #65234kateParticipant
I know you must be out there!
It seem so many of us are suffering and hurt in so many different, complex and painful ways. Ive been left high and dry in my husband’s country with no friends and family and feel the ultimate betrayal.
I’d love to hear from those of you who have survived and THRIVED after such an emotionally painful experience. It’s been 3 months for me and Im still struggling every day to get on with life and understand and KNOW i am good enough, worthy enough and capable of experiencing happiness again, either alone or in a relationship.
I can’t – at this stage – fathom ever feeling food again. Ever wanting to leave the house, shower and make an effort. It’s been the hardest time of my life, and yes i know there are worse things in the world and relatively I am so fortunate and lucky. But i can’t seem to let go…the constant feelings of “why?”, “why me?” and “i didn’t deserve this” paralyse me on a daily basis.
All the tips and advice I’ve been given…so much easier said than done.
i just want and NEED to know there is life and happiness after such a painful betrayal. How i wish it was I leaving and not the other way around.
thanksSeptember 19, 2014 at 7:24 pm #65249luciaParticipant
It’s been over two years since my heart-break. And time heals all. There are ups-and-downs, but this is the time to find your passions. With good friends and looking within yourself, you’ll find the good times and make new happy memories. I’ve probably been my happiest ever since the heart-break, even prior to the heart-break.
So take your time to grieve your loss, and take care of yourself. In time, you’ll be smiling again. 🙂
LuciaSeptember 19, 2014 at 7:58 pm #65250SInghParticipant
My relationship of 3.5 years just ended almost 2 weeks ago (for the second time with the same girl, we got back together for a year). Although i do not feel nearly as hurt as I did last year (my first ever heartbreak), I did feel pretty crappy and lonely this time around. But it has almost been two weeks and you know what, Ive written down all my feelings about myself and her and I have realized that I have WAY more to offer than she does and I am way better off.
You may realize this too. I am not feeling the best ever but I am feeling pretty good. The best part is that I know that in the near future I will be feeling the best EVER, as I will be entering the career that I believe I was made out for. I am constantly working out, improving my body, but more importantly I am improving my mind. I keep reminding myself that I am all I need to be happy. I don’t really hope anymore. Instead of lame hope, I just have faith. That is, faith in myself and faith that great things will happen to me.
You should have the same mindset, and if you dont have it, like I didnt, then train your mind. Use affirmations, write down everything that is awesome about you (dont you dare be modest). Also, write down all the negative about your ex, as this will put them back into prospective for you and you may just realize, like I did, that you are so much better than that.
The easy part for you is that you already know that you are worthy and good enough, so keep hammering that into your mind and soon your mind will enforce these facts for you without effort. Go see family and friends, also, make new friends!
Don’t ask yourself “why me?” , because often the answer comes up in the future and you realize that it may have been a blessing in disguise. Take this time to conquer your mind Kate, once you wholeheartedly believe in yourself, love yourself, are confident, and happy, then all else will fall into place 🙂
It is tough, but YOU are tough and you are going to get through this whether you like it or not! Don’t give up, you are awesome 🙂 !September 21, 2014 at 10:40 am #65307SandrineParticipant
The end of a relationship is a devastating experience and I would like to thank you for having the courage to share your feelings with the world. Please know that you have my unconditional love and support.
When my marriage ended I was a blubbering mess for weeks. We had moved at the other end of the country to be closer to his family and the prospect of staying without any support was scary and depressing. In the end I decided to stay for my kids.
In a way, being a single mom was my saving grace. I couldn’t really afford to fall completely apart so I decided to take care of myself. I took a year off relationships to find out who I was, what I liked, didn’t like (Eat, Pray, Love style…without the exotic locations).I needed to figure out why my opinion of myself was so low. Why I felt Like I needed to be in a relationship to have self-worth.
I practiced progressive body relaxation every night with an audio track I found online and I asked for guidance…any kind of guidance. I wasn’t exactly the religious type. You could even say that I had a bit of grudge against “God”. But I was desperate. So every night before going the sleep I would repeat: “please help, thank you, please help, thank you…”
This became a nightly ritual because it helped me sleep better. In my spare time, I watched inspiring videos and read self-help books. I started keeping a gratitude journal and wrote all the little things I was grateful for at the end of every day. I spent time doing simple things I love (taking baths, knitting, spending time with kids), I went to see a shrink a couple of times and slowly my life took a different direction.
Today, I am a different person, I love my life, my relationship with the kids is great and I have faith that everything is unfolding the way it should.
It will get better Kate.
Much love, and don’t hesitate to get hold of me if you feel the need.September 25, 2014 at 1:21 pm #65584apothicParticipant
I feel your pain. Really. I’ve been there several times in my life. I’ve been so low after a couple breakups that I discovered rock bottom actually has a basement. And I believe that it had a lot to do with the lack of a support system. I didn’t really have much family or friends to talk it out with so I kept it to myself. But you know what? I told myself each and every time that I’ve been through this before and I’ve survived it 100% of the time. And when I was ready, I got back out there and met a new person. Each time I developed a new relationship (granted, I had to kiss a lot of frogs first), it made me ask myself “I’m so happy to have met this person. Why was I so depressed after losing Guy A? I never would have met Guy B if the road hadn’t taken me here! Yes, it’s ironic that the relationships ended with Guy B, Guy C, Guy D and so forth also, but my point is that I came out of complete devastation each and every time. Looking back, I remember the extreme pain and depression I was in, remember thinking that I’ll never get over it, no one can help me, but I’m sitting here today in complete contentment with my life. I’m not mourning the loss of one single relationship.
I would not say I’m in the healthiest of relationships right now and have a lot of heavy thinking to do moving forward. However, I’m still grateful for where I am today, what I’ve gone through, and consider my life way better off having “unanswered prayers” for what I thought I wanted at the time. You may not feel like going out, showering, eating, moving on, working out, etc. right now….but each day you’ll get stronger and stronger. And I know it’s really hard to believe that. But as a responder above noted, don’t ask “why me?”. Take comfort in the fact that probably everyone on the planet would have to ask themselves that at some point because I know very few adults that have never had their heart broken. It isn’t just you. It’s millions and millions of people experiencing similar pain. Maybe we can all chant “why us?”
Hang in there. Make any small step that you can. If time doesn’t heal all wounds, I believe it will at least reduce to a dull occasional throbbing, worst case. Best case, you’ll come out of this and soar!
Good luck to you.September 25, 2014 at 7:05 pm #65598sojournerParticipant
Read the very good article on this website about How Painful Relationships are the Best Teachers. Good stuff.