“I’m directionally challenged. I tried to find home, but I’m always lost.”- it’s as if I wrote this myself. We have so much in common.

I will write more tomorrow.

Anita

I understand that 10th grade and 11th grade was a bad time for you. But, I have to ask if you understood the consequences of your actions? Staying out all night. Coming home at 1 in the morning. How would you feel if one of your children did that? Yes, you had your reasons but no one else knows that. Not being able to talk to someone to help you?

I do not want to blame you for your actions. But, you have to take some responsibilities for your actions. Skipping school. Why? What made it so terrible that it was better to miss school than to be in school? Did you have bullies?

Sounded like you had a foster mom who loved you even with all the things you did that probably hurt her. Yeah, I don’t know you or your life. But, It does not sound like you take any responsibility for your life and actions. How can life get better if you don’t change your life for the better??

Sorry if I sound mean. That is not my intent. I have been the kid who skipped school for months. And the kid who took drugs. And the kid who stole. And I was punished for it. I knew it was time to change or things would just get worse. So, I changed me.

Hi Thomas

You might want to read some of Laven’s other threads before giving your input. She has been through a lot. Honestly, the most trauma I’ve ever heard someone go through. It is a miracle that she is still here with us and a testament to her resilience.

I’m glad that you managed to figure things out and turn your life around and I appreciate your desire to share that experience with others. Perhaps you might like to create a thread of your own and talk about what you’ve learned from your own experiences? ❤️

Compassion for another person is a wonderful thing. But, it needs to be paired up with wisdom. It is obvious that most of the people here who answer are very compassionate people. Lots of sympathy and empathy. This is not to say that the person writing for help is wrong. This is not to say pull yourself up. This is not to assign blame. But, I ask what do you want from this post you made? One post of something bad in your life. Then another and then another and then another. What is it that you wish to get from them? If one dwells upon the bad things then life is nothing but suffering. There will be nothing but suffering. But, if one stops dwelling upon the second arrow then life can improve.

Alessa, sorry. Do not mean to call you an enabler. Wrong of me. I do not know you.

Hi Thomas:

You asked Laven: “Skipping school. Why? What made it so terrible that it was better to miss school than to be in school? Did you have bullies?”-

Laven answered this question on April 29, 2025: “When I entered school, at 5… soon after I was molested inside the bathroom adjoining the classroom by a staff teacher’s assistant — an older man who seemed like the sweet, lovable grandfather type. Soon after that, at 5, I started skipping school.”

You asked: “Not being able to talk to someone to help you?”-

Laven (April 29, 2025): “My mom was dealing with mental health issues such as schizophrenia and raising three kids without support. She was unemployed, had to mind us, in and out sometimes of psychiatric care facilities — and also both brothers due to mental health issues and defiant behaviors.”

You wrote: “Sounded like you had a foster mom who loved you even with all the things you did that probably hurt her.”-

Laven (July 10, 2025): “When I first came to my current foster placement, my foster mom was in her 60s… Within the first year of me being here, I was abused often by her grandson. He would beat me with a belt, say terrible things to me, force me to do things I didn’t want to do… It’s her natural behavior to be argumentative, combative, and blame me for everything.”

Laven (June 26, 2025): “Throughout the rest of my schooling and teen years, life was very overwhelming for me. I couldn’t cope nor function. Foster mom was still verbally abusive and put me down a lot. Her family was as well.”

You asked: “What do you want from this post you made? One post of something bad in your life. Then another and then another and then another. What is it that you wish to get from them?”-

Laven (May 18, 2024): “A lot of times I feel guilty for my feelings towards everything and also sharing. I feel like everything is always my fault and that I deserve everything. I feel embarrassed and humiliated for my feelings… and also my life experiences. I also feel like a bad person and feel like I shouldn’t feel the way that I do… I’ve been minimized my whole life and I’ve learned very early in childhood that I shouldn’t prioritize myself, that everyone else comes first, and that my self, thoughts, feelings, problems, etc.… I’m not important, neither are the things I go through.”

I think, Thomas, that what Laven wants — and deserves — is validation. She needs to be told the truth: That the misfortunes and abuses she suffered at five, six, and beyond were not her fault. That she is not a bad person for having endured a painful life. That her feelings are valid. That she is important. That it’s okay to prioritize herself. That it’s okay for her to come first — for a change.

You wrote: “If one dwells upon the bad things then life is nothing but suffering. There will be nothing but suffering. But, if one stops dwelling upon the second arrow then life can improve.”-

I too used to dwell on the bad things, Thomas — because I lacked validation. Although I told and retold the painful experiences that happened to me, I didn’t fully believe they were real. The minimizing, invalidating, emotionally reversing voices of my mother kept playing in my mind, guilt-tripping and shaming me. I told and retold my stories in a desperate effort to rid myself of the false shame and guilt planted in early years.

This doesn’t mean that a victimized child never harms others. Too often, a true victim becomes someone who victimizes others. But healing is about rescuing the child within from all those false accusations — from the untrue shaming and guilt — and reclaiming that early-life innocence.

Anita

Hi Thomas

It is okay, mistakes happen. You didn’t know what she had been through. Please don’t worry! I think you’ve done a great job talking to other people. Your voice is very much welcome and appreciated here. ❤️

Hi everyone,

I wanted to pop into this thread to share a thought that I hope will be helpful. But first, thank you to everyone who shares their stories here and to those who offer advice and support. I’m endlessly inspired by your bravery and kindness!

Now my gentle reminder: Whenever possible, it’s a good idea to read someone’s story in full before responding, especially when they’re sharing about deeply personal or traumatic experiences.

This makes it easier to lead with empathy and validation, and that helps keep this space safe for everyone. Advice, questions, and different perspectives can be valuable, but they land best when someone first feels heard and understood.

Perhaps this is an unnecessary reminder given the final comments in this thread. I just wanted to reiterate what others have shared because it’s wise advice, and I believe it will help keep the engagements here gentle and supportive.

Thank you again to everyone who responds with such care and compassion. It makes a big difference, and we all appreciate you!

Lori