Years ago..around 8 now ..my ex boyfriend and I were together for 5 years. He played the role perfectly.. attentive, inspiring, caring, showed interest, was always there for me, etc..promised me marriage, that all my problems and me being a caregiver didn’t matter, etc .. well he promised me that he would see me the next day to try and work out things between us, I called later to ask what time, he basically had blocked me and he ghosted me…never saw me again.

When the phone finally answered, a woman answered and said that he’s with her then and, that he didn’t want me, and called me all kinds of names…and I heard my ex boyfriend in the background laughing while she insulted me. . He married her like 2 weeks after that…

So around that time, I was very depressed and begin correspondening with the “new” guy (we went to junior and high school together) online. We chatted for about a year and saw each other twice .just to talk .. Him and I chatted mainly for a few more years ..seeing each other off and on as friends. He played the role too.  .just like the others.. always there, always responding, always communicating, etc … I would ask him if he was involved with anyone and he would always tell me no.

Whenever I needed just a hug, he always came out and gave me that. Which is why I thought nothing of it this time..I didn’t think he would do this to me ..after promising me a hug.. especially knowing what I’m going through currently….and on top of everything..it was my birthday then.

He told me he had just gotten back in town from being on a work related trip, and that he would give me one the next day.

He also told me that he wanted to talk about the possibility of us being together.

The next day comes, and that’s when he said he allegedly met someone this week and decided he was going to build a family with her. (I don’t believe this just happened spontaneously and impulsively) He alleges it wasn’t malicious (of course it was) he alleges that she asked him just that day and he just agreed to her request. (Don’t believe it)

When I start asking him questions like why he even agreed to see me and hug me when he knowingly and admittedly was or became involved with someone allegedly all week…and why he lied about wanting to build a future with me …

He told me that he didn’t care what I had to say anymore, and that it was over between us.. and that was that 😭

During the time I was involved with neighbor guy, him and I had  minimized contact…to just a check up greeting how are things going text like once every three months…. After neighbor guy ghosted and played me the first time ,…I stayed away from both ..

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Due to the current happenings in my life and my depression and loneliness.. I made the impulsive decision to contact them both …seeking some comfort or something…since I have no one….I just wanted a hug ….and to feel wanted and needed …even for a little.,even for pretend…

I never got that hug…and neighbor guy pretended and  ghosted me again first…then the second guy .

I know it was a very bad decision to reach out ,.I’m just hurting, and vulnerable, and lonely.. my fm is still in the hospital and they keep adding days to her stay…and I’m lonelier than usual. The loneliness is somewhat bearable when she’s around ..now that she’s not, I exist in complete silence without human interaction or contact .unless her family calls and ask me things pertaining to her health…which is seldom …

I can’t even call my fm because allegedly something is wrong with her hospital phone ..even though her family gets through to her. She did tell me last time I spoke to her, to stop calling her and to rely on her family for updates…

I’m very saddened and disappointed in myself. I had gone 6 months without neighbor guy ànd even though it still hurts .I was in a better place of acceptance…and now all that is gone.

My fms in the hospital, during that time it was a very sad anniversary of my furry tragically passing 3 years ago (she was my everything), then my birthday that nobody ever remembers which is fine because Its not important to me, then the recent heartbreak and ghosting …it’s all too much and very overwhelming