wednesday, i found that shotput had an easier stance to learn, although shotput required more force to throw, but i think i like shotput better than discus. my team mates were great and helped me with the positions. thursday, my allergies abated their severity at 6:14, but they are still annoying with few occasions of runny and stuffy nose and sore throat. my ap english essay announced that the essay on slavery was due friday and also i am learning about radians, arc measures, trigonometry and angle measures in pre-calc. the subject is a bit difficult, but there is only 35% that i don’t understand. i have a physics honors test on work-energy friday and also a ap world history ch. 17 test. i stayed after for physics honors thursday with some other students and we helped each other understand the test review problems. i have started to understand physics honors more now. for monday (had to get bloodwork) and tuesday, i felt dizzy after monday so i didn’t workout much (10 minutes). i still meditated to clear my head though. sat, march 12 i was tired after arguing with my parents on the sats so i also took a break from both. on wednesday, i had bad allergies also took a break from both. i wanted to get a start on my ap english essay on tuesday because i had missed class on monday, but i felt dizzy. it got to be thursday afternoon and i had to write the essay and i’m not sure it’s that good. also i had to read 32 pages thursday for the ap world history test today. i think i am ready for the physics honors test today and hope to do well on the ap world history test. i wish the teachers gave us more time to do work instead of making me start to cram everything in at once. on thursday, i worked out (30 minutes) and mediated for 15 minutes. i have to get back to meditating and working out because i haven’t done much in this busy, straining week. dave is great because yesterday, he asked me if i was okay and he listened when i told him about everything i said here. he told me it would be okay and that he hoped i would feel better, it made me feel better just to have him around.

I’m getting better, but my nose is still somewhat stuffy. i stayed after for pre-calc yesterday to go over radian measures within a circle and what quadrant they lay in and angle of elevations and depression. it’s still a bit complex, but i think i understand it better. i like chris mccandless in Into the Wild, although he made the mistake of overestimating himself and he can be a bit too self-assured at times, i admire his independence, his adventurous nature and his desire to go for his dreams. at a young age, mccandless had loved nature much like me. he works hard in everything he does and is very philosophical. in chapter eleven, chris’s mom billie says “that mccandless liked to devote his total energy to whatever he undertook and he found his athletic calling in track. for him track was a spiritual experience, the sheer will and determination to push yourself forward. also the feeling of being free, running through obstacles, through the evils and hardships of the world when he ran. mccandless was very competitive and set high standards for himself” (Krakauer). I feel like i connect with mccandless in the fact that i am very focused and intent on my goals and i can be quite idealistic at times. i balance my idealistic and practical side for example i know it will be hard to become a genetic engineer, but i take steps toward it and keep a positive mindset and push myself. like president kennedy who was an idealistic person who looked ahead and saw many opportunities especially the landing of a man on the moon in july 20th 1969 which ended the Cold War, i tend to also see myself going along the path of my dreams and taking practical steps toward making it a reality. i agree with mccandless in his view that you should give all that you’ve got into life and you shouldn’t let the negative influences of others influence your path and also i enjoy running distance like mccandless especially cross-country (which mccandless did) because to me it is also a spiritual experience and seeing the beauty of nature is breathtaking. the sheer momentum of pushing yourself forward and running and the sheer freedom of it like nothing can hold you back, like you can go great distances and challenge yourself is elating. there is a thing called “runner’s euphoria” which is the rush of adrenaline that brings mental clarity after a hard run and it makes you feel great and look at the world with a new light. mccandless enjoyed the spirit of running because he believed he was leaving his limitations behind, letting go of all that he was not. i think after being around dave who is great at literature, my writing has quite improved and it is sometimes effortless to draft words for an essay. dave told me that when writing an essay i should engage in my topic and also see the side of the audience and try to connect with them as well. by engaging myself with the essay and also seeing how the audience might perceive it makes the essay seem easier to write and also more sophisticated. also andrew who is great at math and science has made me think a lot quicker and i find myself being able to remember formulas and think a lot quicker than i thought i could. i was ecstatic when i was able to understand the physics honors and pre-calc formulas and derive them within only five days of studying when typically it would take at least twelve days. life seems a lot more effortless these days and i feel like i’m just letting the flow of life lead me. even through harsh times and also when people are overly criticizing it doesn’t affect me as much anymore. i think mccandless has something valuable to teach us all and that is that life is meant to be lived and you should give all you’ve got toward your dreams. i think i have found a way to stay motivated in my studies because sometimes it can be hard to keep focus on studying, but i tend to make analogies for my studying to how to apply it to my life and it makes studying more fun and interesting. i like teachers who can apply their subjects to the real world, who are laid-back and can make learning fun for their students by making references to real-life scenarios. i like pre-calc and physics honors best because my teachers do this quite well. i feel like i have also learned a lot about the world in ap world history and economy and business and also in improving my essays. my ap world history teacher who also teaches psychology knows and says that the reason students hate school and don’t have ambition is because it is the same routine daily with no variation and there is no hands on applications, it’s just note-taking and the teacher talking, test taking and homework. the students don’t learn much about how their learning applies to the real world, but with my ap world history teacher she also has interactive things such as having us present to the class and do research, make posters, work in groups and we often have lots of discussion in class. the good thing abou this is that it encourages the students to actively voice themselves and think and also it makes them interested in learning since they know how it applies to their environment. i feel like my ap english teacher is a good person but she doesn’t really teach as much. she is always asking us to write essays with only a few guidelines and most of the essays we write don’t have much to do with what we will learn in the real world. i enjoyed writing the definition essay which you explained your interpretation of a word, but i’m not really sure that really will help me much in college. in college most of the essays often ask you to analyze, argue, respond, evaluate, etc. a point in a story you have read or just to write an essay based on a topic. i feel like she doesn’t really give much guidelines to writing that we need. we are often to read passages and just analyze them and then write a topic on the author’s use of writing style and his argument. it’s just straight taking a few terms and putting them in a clear-cut essay with not much thought involved. in ap world history when we do essays, the teacher allows us to explore different avenues of how to write the essay and also offers guidelines of how to add points of view or additional information to our essays, she encourages us to think outside the box and make inferences. i think in college it is more important to be able to take passages and make inferences and look at the passages as a whole instead of finding author’s style and using it in your writing. i don’t think colleges are going to have essay prompts that say “what rhetorical strategies does this author use to develop his argument?” this question is too simple and clear cut. i like the ap world history questions that really make you think and use what you know to apply to what you are trying to figure out such as the question “after reading the passage, analyze and describe how the industrial revolution impacted the slave labor and describe the changes and continuities and why?” this question allows you to look at the story as a whole and pull evidence out and also asks you to think outside the box a little, sometimes it is important to include some prior knowledge when explaining things. also my ap world history teacher encourages us to do our best, but can also be quite hard at times. you often have to catch up by yourself if you miss a day and you still have to take the test. 4:26, i was reading a chapter in ap world history about hiv in africa and the radio announced that there are organizations working on eliminating it, i think it is a cool coincidence.

Here are two poems I wrote about life (I found that when I originally wrote them, I tend to edit them when posting so they become longer and more detailed.) :

You are a Star

The only person holding you back is yourself

Dare to take a risk, happiness is all around you.

Every step you take lights a candle in your path

Even if the wind blows out a candle, hope still lights the way

You are a star, you control your life

Let your imperfections help you find who you truly are

It is through our imperfections that make up the adventures of our lives

Accept your imperfections and acknowledge them, they are what makes life meaningful

If everyone were perfect, there would be no change in the world

You are a star, accept your imperfections and use them to make yourself a better person

Follow your dreams, listen to your heart

Try your best and don’t let your fears and imperfections control you

Let nothing hold you back, you are a star capable of great things

Every step you take is an adventure of new doors to be opened

Each lap you take gets us closer to a world with more hope and dreams

So give life all you’ve got

Chase after your hopes and dreams

Don’t let fear and security of what’s conventional hold you back from exploring new horizons

Life is a gift waiting to be opened

It has a rainbow of opportunities

Go and explore a new horizon

Live the life of your dreams

You are a star and may your love and light touch every horizon in the world

You are a star and nothing is impossible.

Roads of Life

Which path to take?

It seems like I’ve lost my map on the road of life

Everywhere I go I’m plagued with doubt and worries

Which color of the rainbow leads to the pot of gold?

When you feel uncertain on the roads of life, you’re not alone

Hope lights the way, you will make it through

Look within your heart, see what truly makes you happy

Keep that vision in your thoughts when the roads of life become sinuous with under-brushes, tides that you need to swim against and currents that threaten to pull you under

When you feel like you are falling behind and lost, don’t stop and just stay in the darkness

You must make the choice to take a chance or things will never change and you will be stuck in the valley of shadows and broken dreams

So take a chance, you are stronger and braver than you think

And if you feel like you can’t make it through, take a break and regather your strength, but don’t stay lost in the maze of life, take a chance and start living

And if you feel fearful of taking a chance ask yourself “What do I have to lose if I’ve already felt like I’ve hit rock bottom? Do i really want to stay in this abyss watching life pass me by?”

So take a chance, you may open a door that leads you to perfect road

But if you hit another dead-end, don’t get discouraged

Pick yourself back up and keep traveling on the roads of life

In our darkest moments, we realize how strong we truly are

And what if you have lost all hope in yourself, what if every road you take seems to lead to failure and you are hanging on by a thread?

What if you find yourself alone on a path, broken down?

And what if you lose your ships at sea and your maps are blown away by a coarse wind?

The roads of life aren’t smooth, but that’s what makes life beautiful

Ask yourself “What would be the meaning of life if everything was perfect? How would we learn who we truly are if we don’t have anything to experience and change us?”

It is the obstacles we face and overcome that give life its meaning and beauty

Take your obstacles and use them as bridges to get further on the roads of life

Don’t be afraid to take the road less traveled

Believe in yourself

Follow your heart

Experience life to the fullest, don’t miss out on the windows of opportunity by not trying and just getting by

Get out there and start living your dreams

What have you got to lose?

And no matter what roads in life you take, you will always be lead to home.

I feel like I have many career options in mind: environmental journalist, park ranger, genetic therapist, reiki healer, criminal justice lawyer. I think i want a career that allows me to be in nature, but also to help me travel to help people. i think my top choices are environmental journalist and reiki healer. I am very devoted to buddhist wiccan and i want to use my own spirituality to help others live life more.

thanks anita;) my parents can be the most criticizing people i know. yesterday before i went home, i asked them to sign a community service form that would allow me to help out at a nursing home. i love working with the elderly, they have a great sense of humor and are fun to be around. they keep ragging me about the 1490 i got on my sats. they think that i’m not preparing myself for college and that i’ll just be another poor person. i don’t like my score much, but i only missed 10 points from my goal and i’m pretty sure i can do okay on the 1600 worth sat. at the start of my junior year, my parents had kept pestering me to take the sats soon when i didn’t feel quite ready, they said i should take them before colleges started denying access. i don’t think february (rescheduled from january to snow) was the best time to take the sats for me because i was still adapting to a new semester and also i was worried about my special friend. he was struggling in one of his math classes and i was helping him. there were a lot of pre-test in my new classes and i was always trying to study and do well on them. my parents said the reason i didn’t do too well is that i didn’t study, but i would spend the 20 minutes left of each day that wasn’t studying for my classes reading and studying my notes. i think february was quite stressful month, but i’m glad that i could help my special friend.

Thanks anita;) I love my shot put teammates, they are funny and supportive. also, i am starting to get the hang of shotput, the shotput is starting to feel a little more easier to hold. i just have to work on positioning my wrist better and also putting more force in my throw, but i’m getting better. ever since i’ve been in physics honors, i’ve started to understand more about the natural forces acting on us in the world. today at track practice, i predicted the wind speed to be 15mph by the angle of the sun and also the speed at which the wind was moving my hair, i checked the weather channel and i was only off by 3 points (18 mph) 🙂 so the galvanometer measures electrical current (but i’m not very good with electricity), barometers measure air pressure and anemometer measures wind pressure. physics honors is great in how we have so many real-life applications. andrew seems a bit insecure these days because i’m starting to become better at science than he is, but he is still good at mechanical knowledge than i am. i feel bad because he is always tense around me and he seems to be researching more ways to do better. also, i can estimate the speed of my bus according to the weather so i can arrange myself in the morning well in time so i don’t have to wait for the bus. my pre-calc teacher is great, she was explaining about how the greeks came up with much of our math and science systems today. eratosthenes was able to calculate the circumference of the earth without any technology except for pen and paper and only missed by about 100 from what it really is 24901.55. i really admire the greeks in their history and math, although the egyptians and persians had the first concept of surgery. i find it fascinating how much the primitive people could do when most modern people now think they are uncivilized. i feel like i can connect with chris mccandless when he feels that this world has become too capitalistic and technological and there isn’t much respect for the primitive ways and people anymore. i think mccandless wanted to truly experience life and work without the baggage of the technology the world has and see if he could live in unity with nature and simplistically. my ap world history teacher said that the native americans often felt sad when the europeans destroyed their forest because they really appreciated nature. the native americans were quite resourceful with their environment such as in what Jaguar Paw was able to do with his environment and 5 indians could tackle a boar. i see many similarities between mccandless and myself. i find that i also love nature and enjoy being alone often running in the woods where i can be free from material pressures. mccandless felt the world was too materialistic and all people cared about was competition and profit instead of leading a simplistic life, working together with nature. i find that the books mccandless reads “walk in the woods”, “war and peace” and the like appeal to me. also after hanging out with andrew for a while, i feel like i know a little more about mechanics than i thought i did such as complex pulley systems and levers. although, i feel bad because the more i’m learning the more he seems to feel insecure because he thinks i have more knowledge; i wish we could be closer friends than competitive ones. my special friend seems distant from me and also my lunch buddy because i tend to have quite a lot of fun with math, science and a little bit of history with my track friends. my special friend likes english more and often feels left out and my lunch buddy who does sprints (i”m okay with them, but not big fan) and i don’t converse as much, our classes tend to diverge as well. however, my track friends are great and entertaining and i feel like i can retain lots of information. there are times when i’ll see flashes of light and wings and i know my angels are around me. i also get burst of intuition and also a psychic sight sometimes that helps me figure things out quicker. i was walking with andrew after ap english and we were discussing economics and camping and i remember seeing him a bit tense and insecure and i felt bad and wished i could make him see that he was really smart, so while we were walking there was a shower of light and the buddha appeared on a cloud in front of us (andrew’s mom is a buddhist, so it didn’t surprise him) and the buddha said “you are learning lots in life now, you are on a path about to find yourself. laugh and enjoy yourself.” i think after seeing the buddha both of us were a lot more relaxed and less competitive academically and we shared a few laughs. i feel like mccandless has a shell around him that makes him sociable at time and withdrawn at others and also seem more receptive to some people and not others, i feel like everyone has that as a teenager. i think he is trying to make himself who he truly is without any material influences, i think he may have gone to alaska for a spiritual reason to escape from the pressures of society and his parents. i feel like i can connect with him like that because sometimes i want to be alone by myself to appreciate the beauty of nature. i also, in my healing meditations, i often call upon the angels and the buddha and say “i am forgetting all i’m lacking. i let go of all that holds me back. i let go of who i’m not. come buddha and angels and fill me with the light of my true myself and my true purpose. make my path one of light and love. i surrender all of myself to you now.” while i’m saying this i’m kneeling on the ground with my hands raised palm up to the heavens and i imagine the light from the divine pouring into me. this meditation is a healing and a connecting to my true self and authentic purpose and also a good cleansing. also i admire augie camacho (no matter what the circumstance, he still manages to only stay upset for ten minutes before he becomes happier again). he is not much of a runner, but he still tries quite hard and he ends up sweaty and out of breath and he never gives up even when some people criticize him, he still continues to push himself. he has a great sense of humor and is mostly laid-back and self-assured. since my parents can be quite criticizing at times and also since i’ve been bullied, i tend to be cautious in relationships and friendships much like chris mccandless. like mccandless who talks about possibly having a family at times and one in which people are loyal and care about each other and aren’t pressured by material needs, i feel like i can be very loyal to the friends i have and when and if i have a family, i will raise the family with love and self-confidence and to appreciate the true beauty of life. i think i see myself as a spiritual healer in this world, i would love to spend 3 years finding myself out in nature and then helping others who have lost their way in life find their way.

also my circulation isn’t as bad anymore, my hands aren’t as cracked and purple, although they can still be cold at times, but they are quicker to warm.

thanks anita for being so understanding:) i was after school helping senior citizens at the laurelton home celebrate a dog’s birthday, the dog was a grey and white pug and he was so cute and friendly:) he is their mascot and i’m glad the senior citizens have a puppy to cheer them up, the elderly are fun to be around;) so the self-defense club is every monday from april 4 to april 25 and other grades are welcome as well:) i can’t wait to till francine b/c we both had the idea;) most of our class had career day today, so some people weren’t there 2nd block ap english including andrew. dave and i helped each other develop our synthesis essay on whether advertisements were negative or positive. having two ap classes which require lots of essay writing and can be quite draining at times, but dave is great and supportive. he has a great sense of humor and always listens. dave is very encouraging and studious and is a great person to work with. dave like literature, but he prefers physics and math because they have practical real life applications and it can be fun seeing how the velocity of a car affects the momentum (physics honors). we both like physics honors a lot these days and we often talk about physics or chris mccandless because we both think he is adventurous. my school-based counselor/teacher who also does community service with me is great, he designs his office with cool stress reducing exercise and her office light is moderate light and it’s quite calming there. i think i would like to work in that environment, the walls are painted green (very naturalistic) and there are pretty crystal lights and smiley face, one with a crying or laughing face and other with a funny tongue sticking out face. also there is a panic button that when you press it, it says in a tense voice ‘stay calm, stay calm” and then screams, it’s pretty funny. also my yoga teacher is great, she also does fiber arts (making crafts are easier than drawing for me) and is lots of fun and relieves stress. she has coloring templates for her students to color to relieve their stress and it helps, i find myself being entertained by the colors i use. here is a great way to heal and relieve stress, imagine the stress you feel as a color such as red for anger, blue for sorrow, yellow for fear, etc. and take a paper and color the paper the color of your stress (press as hard as you want), imagine as the color flows onto the paper, your stress is leaving your body. then crumple the paper and throw it in the trash (we had lots of fun pretending we were basketball players) saying “my stress is no longer part of me. i am healed.” the templates often are like a vision board for our goals in life, we print out pictures of our dreams and while we fill them with beautiful colors, we imagine our energy going toward our goals, making them a reality. i was coloring a picture of cheshire cat today, as i was coloring i wanted to be happy like cheshire cat, also the trees that cheshire cat was sitting on, i pretended was a truffula tree and i colored it and imagined myself being one with nature. i used many colors and imagined myself expressing my souls’s purpose through the variety of colors. today, cj was really happy b/c he came in 3rd on the writing contest for the school and he says he might help get the school paper more famous so people can write their thoughts. dave is great, today while i was a bit stressed because of the change over time essay using documents in ap world history and having to write another (2nd week, i’ve had to to two essays on top of each other, last week with allergies as well). my head was hurting and i was a bit tired, but dave made me laugh by making a funny comment about the politicians running for president. also there was a flash of green light and i saw angel raphiel wrap his wings around me and saying “don’t be stressed, life is divine.” dave, who also believes in angels thought it was really cool and we both shared a laugh. dave is the most laid-back guy, i’ve met, even though he can get tense at times, he always manages to shake it off and still enjoy life with a smile on his face. his face is always red from laughing and his eyes are always bright with confidence. during december before christmas break, dave dressed in red and pretended he was santa claus and made the class laugh. the universe is amazing:D check out the lunar eclipse coming tomorrow:
http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/lunar-eclipse-coming-wednesday/ar-BBqJNy8?ocid=ansmsnnews11

The universe always has so many great surprises:D

here are two more poems (i think the first one sounds better) and i’m still adding to the 2nd one:

Awake and Alive- Life’s a Dance

I hear a calling outside in the world

I feel in my soul

Forgetting all I’m lacking

I roll the die in my life

Taking the chances and outcomes I face

Don’t be afraid to take a risk and adventure out of what’s conventional in life

I walk a path of light and love

Nothing holds me back from dancing with the stars

Life’s a dance

You have to move at the music life throws at you

Sometimes you may dance with the moon on your face and the stars behind you

Other times you may dance alone in the rain

When the music of life gets rough, keep your rhythm and keep dancing

I dance with the music of nature

I surrender myself to the divine

I am awake and alive

The world will keep changing its tunes and sometimes it’s hard to keep up with the music

Sometimes you may feel lost and don’t know the song in life

You may find yourself falling, slipping on the dance floor

Everywhere you go coarse music plays bringing you down

How can you back to your original spark in life?

Remember, you control your life

When life gets tough, keep dancing even in the rain

There is a rainbow hidden behind the storm clouds

So live your life

Let yourself be free

Make yourself truly awake and alive

And keep on dancing

Keep taking chances

Go for your dreams

You have the opportunity of being awake and alive

Life is effortless

Enjoy the music and dance to your own beat

The world can’t tell you who you truly are

You have to drop the limitations put on you

You have to go out there and be free

Your adventure is calling

Dance to the music of life

Life is beautiful

when your heart gets heavy and the music doesn’t seem right

Change your attitude as you would change a record player

You are a spiritual being capable of great things

Dance to the beauty of life

Know that you can be awake and alive

know that every path you take, every music you dance to leads to home.

Discover Yourself- Live your dreams

It’s never too late to broaden your horizons

Take the reins in your life

It’s time to discover yourself

It’s time for you to light up the world

Don’t just get by in life or you won’t get far

The stars are out there waiting to be reached

It’s time to discover yourself

Follow your soul’s calling

Do what truly makes you happy

Trust the process of life