Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→Too Criticizing of Myself
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anita.
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April 30, 2016 at 7:05 pm #103209
AnonymousGuestDear Shirley:
When I didn’t see a post from you earlier, I thought: “Where is my Shirley?” Those were the words that were formed automatically in my mind.
You mentioned before how valuable it is for you to study what you can or will be able to apply in real life. Hence the proof: a person can be spiritual, as you are, and practical, as you are, at the same time. It is not spiritual OR practical, like your parents think incorrectly.
There may be a way for you to apply historical facts to real life if you examine the motivations of the historical figures: why did they do what they did? What motivated them? You can learn about yourself and people in your present life, by learning about people in the past. After all, people are people, here and there, now and then, same basic elements of mind and behavior.
Till your next post, take good care of Spiritual and Practical Shirley who is also an incredible poet!
anita
May 1, 2016 at 1:04 pm #103255
JanusParticipantthanks a lot anita;) thanks for thinking about me as well;) i think my next poem will be called “piece by piece”, “castle of glass” or “brick by brick” and it will be about rebuilding yourself after the hurts, appreciating the friends and life you have and just living life to the fullest. after meditation for a while, i realized looking back at my pre-calc notes, i remembered a lot more than i thought i did and the meditation helped me think more clearly so i took a post test prep test and i got a 90 on it. the post-test for pre-calc is on may 12th which is the same day as the ap world history exam. today is the first day of may and it’s also beltane (first day of spring) on the wiccan sabbath. beltane is a time of renewal, rebirth, making peace with yourself and also awakening from the long slumber of winter to the fresh flowers of bloom. i think i will spend some time gardening and being out in nature.
May 1, 2016 at 4:59 pm #103301AnonymousGuestDear Shirley:
First day of spring, of awakening from a long slumber- I like the concept very much. I would like to experience it every morning, waking up from sleep. I would like everyone to experience this.
Meditation does help a whole lot in clearing the mind, making thinking more effective. Your testimonials are convincing of that.
I do hope you spent time gardening/ in nature as would be fitting the first day of spring!
anita
May 3, 2016 at 6:07 pm #103497JanusParticipantevery one in our school hates the PARCC scheduling b/c some classes are only 15 minutes while others are two hours since very few people are taking it. the PARCC doesn’t even count for much. i’m glad they got rid of the hspa since the juniors have sats to worry about and i also have to do ap tests. the classmates are quite fun to be around though. andrew was telling me in ap english today (110 minutes) about his sister’s bold driving and it was entertaining and dave was helping me with physics honors. dave also was teaching people how to parallel park and it was fun. in physics honors (2 hours), we played with concave and convex mirrors for a ten-minute break and sebastian made shadow puppets. in physics honors we are learning about light and object reflections off a mirror at different distances from a focal point. for my two ap classes whenever we have lots of time, we do tons of reviewing and sometimes it just overwhelms my brain. i am glad that my physics honors teacher and pre-calc teacher give us breaks.
May 3, 2016 at 6:14 pm #103499JanusParticipantalso i have found that i have more knowledge and sometimes my subconscious mind can pick and bring to mind answers quite quickly. i don’t compare myself to dave or andrew anymore, in fact i am grateful to them b/c they helped me open the door to more knowledge. dave and andrew has helped me expand my knowledge about the global world economics, first aid, andrew about graphing calculators (i have started to experiment on my own and have discovered new things that andrew didn’t see. i can draw a box plot, histogram, write messages, draw and save a picture, it’s so much fun;) i have learned a lot about many fields of science and math as well. i never thought i could learn so much and yet i enjoy it and i find i want to explore more about math and science and have been learning new things. dave and andrew have taught me cool mnemonics to remember things as well.
May 3, 2016 at 6:37 pm #103500AnonymousGuestDear Shirley:
I am glad you are not comparing yourself to Dave and Andrew and that they have been helping you expand your knowledge. Your love of math and science is steadfast and growing. You do like learning new skills (drawing a box plot, histogram, etc.) and even experimenting on your own. Your future career is already taking shape. You are moving closer to math and science and further away – in your interest, inclination- from English and History.
Sebastian made shadow puppets. This is making me smile because I can make one shadow puppet myself, the face of a dog: ears, lower jaw, upper jaw and eye. A bird puppet seems easy enough but I have practice only in dog shadow puppet.
anita
May 6, 2016 at 3:37 pm #103793JanusParticipantit’s amazing how well andrew and dave understand me. i was in ap english wednesday and the teacher asked us go up and get a prompt for an essay and i looked at andrew and i could just tell by his expression that he dislikes essay writing as much as i do, then i looked at dave, thinking he would get an extra copy of the prompt for andrew, but he just looked at andrew and i could tell by his expression that he was just getting a prompt for himself. anyway, i looked back at andrew and he had his arms crossed like he didn’t really care if he started the prompt or not, since i didn’t want him to fall behind in class, i gave him a copy of the prompt. when i gave it to him he said ‘i knew you were going to give me a copy of the prompt so i was just being lazy and didn’t feel like getting up.” and he laughed. i think i fake glared at him and he and i both started laughing. then i said “what would happen if i didn’t get you the prompt?” andrew just laughed and said “i know you. you would get the prompt anyway. or i would just get it myself.” when we were doing an ap english review for multiple choice on tuesday and i was stuck on a question, before i even asked, he told me the answer and he said “i knew that was the question you were going to ask.” i didn’t think i had garden club on thursday b/c the library was closed, but when i went to school today, andrew said that they planted more plants and i feel bad for missing the meeting. on wednesday, andrew, dave and i were helping each other write our essays and we all got bored (even dave who literature is his best subject) and we started talking about math and science instead. andrew, dave and i also talked about working out and community service and we were all laughing and the essay was pretty much forgotten. however, we did end up helping each other finish it. so today during ap world history, the teacher gave us a team quiz on the post-classical age and i received a 90 on it, most of my classmates were quite competitive (only eight people in class), but we had lots of fun. today, i was telling andrew how i look better in shorts than a dress and dave laughed, dave said that i had to have more confidence about myself, but it’s true, i am more of a workout type girl than one who goes to parties and dresses up. andrew also doesn’t care about fashion and dave’s confidence makes him rock everything he wears. also after ap english today (2nd block in which we had a great substitute), everyone just ran out of the door eager for prom except for me, dave and andrew. dave was busy studying and taking notes for the ap test and he wasn’t going to prom anyway, so he helped me study as well. andrew who didn’t care whether he was going or not ended up going, so i hope he has fun tonight. andrew, dave and me are all quite simplistic and rather be at home studying, out in nature or helping someone, we’re not much of a party type people, but we do have lots of fun discussing science experiments and exploring nature and talking about math. after ap english, i went back to my locker and i couldn’t open it and andrew passed me and said it would probably open soon, but it didn’t, so i decided to go to pre-calc and on the way i passed andrew who (strange coincidence) couldn’t open his locker as well, so i went to pre-calc and i was early so i went back to my locker and finally got it opened, andrew went to his class and did the same thing. either in pre-calc (me and alison only two with a great substitute who was great at math, every one else left) we took an accuplacer test and i received a 93 on it. my lunch buddy steve was quite entertaining today, he and i were enjoying the freedom of limited work and the more quiet atmosphere of the school after everyone left for prom. we were both laughing at our pre-calc questions, we are learning about double angle formulas, it’s a lot of fun:
http://www.intmath.com/analytic-trigonometry/3-double-angle-formulas.php
during physics honors dave, sebastian, ed (he plays soccer and has a great sense of humor) and luke (took ap chemistry and also has a great sense of humor) were all playing with lasers and learning how light refracts and reflects. we were also making fun shapes such as a spheres and butterflies. dave also helped me with the properties of light as it hits a mirror whether the focal length would be positive or negative. after physics honors i told dave to have a good weekend. dave and andrew are quite entertaining and also fun to be around. i love how i can be myself around them and they make me laugh. andrew and dave were both explaining the theory of light waves and dave traced and walked the path of a wave on the ground while andrew measured the wavelength and amplitude and everywhere there was movement, dave would jump up and where the wave was still, dave would stand still. they both gave me a great visual of the vibration of a wave.
May 6, 2016 at 8:21 pm #103831AnonymousGuestDear Shirley:
I can feel while reading your posts, and in particular this one, how much you enjoy Andrew and Dave, how much you enjoy that they know you and you know them. It is wonderful to know and be known. It is amazing how your parents have “known” you all your life and yet they don’t know you, and then friends you’ve been around for not that long, know you way better.
It feels good that someone knows you, knows what you were going to ask, knows what is important to you, how you think. You told, was it Andrew (?) that you prefer shorts to a dress. A simple sharing like this, is part of making yourself known. I know it now myself. And so, I know a little more about the amazing Shirley.
And there is Sebastian, Ed, and Luke, and 91 and 93 on tests this week.
Another Friday, end of another week. Hope you enjoy the weekend. Rest and spend some time in nature…
anita
May 9, 2016 at 4:07 am #104012JanusParticipantthanks anita;) my special friend felt left out so i invited him for a run on saturday and we also played lacrosse for a while. at 1:38, there was a beautiful green light and we saw angel wings and also angel feathers falling around us. we were outside enjoying the sun and the wind on our faces and the angel wings wrapped us in the most peaceful and unconditional love that we’ve ever felt. i knew then that no matter what happens everything would be okay and that i would always be lead home no matter what path i took. i could feel myself opening up to divine love and healing, opening up to trust and also letting go of doubts, fears and all that was negative. the power of divine love and the light that surrounded both of us was so immense and bautiful that we sat under a tree and we just rejoiced in the beauty of life. on sunday, we both enjoyed a beautiful sunset. the sun was white gold with a crimson halo and also rimmed in a yellow-orange copper tone at 7:28. as we sat enjoying the sun’s rays, we both felt a cleansing and a oneness with the divine and it was like we were being lifted to our higher selves.
May 9, 2016 at 7:03 am #104020AnonymousGuestDear Shirley:
What a beautiful post. I can envision what you described and it is beautiful: the angel feathers falling around you and your special friend, the sun and wind in your faces.
The messages you took out of this weekend with your special friend, that “no matter what happens everything would be okay” and that you “would always be lead home no matter what path I took,” I like these messages very much. Keep them in your awareness throughout this new week.
Looking forward to hear about your day.
anita
May 10, 2016 at 6:18 pm #104199JanusParticipantthanks a lot anita;) i have ap english exam tomorrow and also have to make up the pre-calc post-test since the ap test will take over the pre-calc block (3 hours testing) and i also have an ap world history test (also 3 hours) thursday and have to make up the physics honors test that is if i miss that class. my special friend seems mad at me b/c he didn’t see me at prom and i haven’t had the time to explain that i had to study to him. today, andrew helped me with my graphing calculator during ap english and dave also helped me in physics honors with light reflections and refractions. i am having trouble with the new pre-calc lesson that i learned today about solving trig equations but i think i will practice more and have andrew help me. during physics honors today, when my physics honors teacher said that he was going to add some more notes to the test on thursday (the ap test ends at 12:05 so i think i will have missed at least 30 minutes of the block anyway), i nearly cried. dave was there and he asked if i was okay and the teacher decided not to do that. whew! during ap english, andrew was helping me with my thesis statement in ap english today and we were both laughing at the movie snakes on a plane which coincidentally we both had watched. i love having andrew and dave around b/c they are very helpful and they make me laugh. izzy is like a gladiator as well and she always takes up the challenge no matter how stressed she gets, she still gets things done and quite well and she also makes people laugh with her sarcastic and witty humor. i think i am becoming more like her, andrew and dave. andrew can be quite witty and funny at times when he is stressed and it makes many people laugh and when dave is stressed he makes a list of the steps he can take and tackles the steps slowly and it helps him stay organized.
May 10, 2016 at 6:44 pm #104201AnonymousGuestDear Shirley:
Good the Physics Honor class will not add extra notes to the test because you sure have a busy week! Glad Andrew and Dave are helping you with the studies as well as with reducing stress, Andrew with his humor (Izzy as well), and Dave, if you use his method, make a list of steps to tackle, one step at a time. Busy, busy Shirley!
Remember what you wrote in the post before last: ““no matter what happens everything would be okay” and: “I would always be lead home no matter what path I took.”
anita
May 12, 2016 at 1:42 pm #104385JanusParticipanti think i got a 2 on my ap english exam yesterday and at least a 3 on the ap world history exam (both exams were 3 hours) today which was relatively easy (ap world history). all my ap world history classmates were all nervous and providing each other will humor. After the ap world history test, i took a physics honors test on light reflections and i think i received at least a 90 on it. kordell has a great sense of humor and he is also in my pre-calc class, he is easygoing and laid-back, yet he is really focused on his school work as well and when it comes to major tests, he really cracks down studying and can be quite entertaining at times. zach is also smart and also humorous and he likes history a lot, he is often giving people advice. also i have to make up the pre-calc post-test tomorrow and also have take a pre-calc ch. 8 test tuesday. i think i may have to stay after for pre-calc on monday b/c the solving trig equations is still a bit unclear for me. also yesterday, luke was quite entertaining and so was ed after i came to physics honors class after the ap test. luke and ed were putting a shadow puppet play with lasers and it made me laugh.
May 12, 2016 at 4:04 pm #104390JanusParticipanti really enjoy learning about how light reflects and refracts so i wrote a poem about it;) i wrote this after my ap english test b/c i was quite stressed and i decided to do something fun, this poem has elements of physics and also how to live life to the fullest. i also have a poem titled “Rebirth” which is about celebrating the beauty of life and is also a tribute of appreciation to my friends. the last poem is called “Mirrors of the World” and it is about how we hide our real selves and we often look to the world for images that are reflected back to us, it’s about breaking the illusion, of being okay as you are and not just hiding behind a castle of glass being good enough for someone else. you can never be happy if you try to be good enough for someone else if you don’t feel you are good enough yourself. i think my next poem will be called “Good Enough” or “Counting Stars.” Ever since I’ve met Dave and Andrew, my creative spark seems to have lit from within and I find myself writing even more poems and enjoying it;) They have truly changed me into a better person and so have you anita with your compassion;)
Physics of Life
Remember to diverge from society and reflect your own light rather than converging with everyone else
Some mirrors produce small images, some big images and some just right
Look at yourself and your life through a flat mirror where the image of you is just right
It’s not magnified with over-confidence or diminished with low self-esteem
Sometimes life may have curved paths and none of the paths you rake intersect to the goal so back-ray trace your steps (make a plan and look back at how far you’ve come), it’s okay if your goals seem like a virtual image
Even if you feel as if you are encased in a prism, let light come through
Let your wavelengths of color disperse vibrantly through the spectrum of life
Shine the light through the raindrops (tears) and let the light disperse into a visible spectrum of a rainbow each color refracted a different wavelength
Let the light reflected off any boundary or obstacle in life produce an image of you being happy as you are without any magnification
It doesn’t matter how short your wavelength is, just vibrate with the most frequency you can
Don’t let the images in the mirror deter you from the person you truly are
Even if it seems as if the perfect you is a virtual image on the other side of the mirror and none of the paths intersect to the goal, don’t worry
Don’t just stand and sit there focusing on your goal (object at the focal point) since life will pass you by and no image will form
Live your life, follow your heart, create the image you want to see reflected back to you
When you travel a path and get deflected off the path (incident light hitting a boundary reflects off at the same angel making both the incident angle and reflected angle congruent), take another path
Keep trying different paths, different angles, keeping your goal in mind
Even if the image appears to be small and not what you expected (some mirrors produce inverted images with small magnitudes), it is better than having no image at all
Don’t write yourself off yet even if you feel like nothing is converging in life
Sometimes it’s okay to have your light refract from a higher place to a lower place and you bend away from the normal
If everything in life was perfect and we never diverged away from what is normal we would never know of the great images we can produce and how strong we truly are
So live your life to the fullest, let the mirrors reflect everything you possibly could be
Rebirth
New eyes look upon the world
New days awash with light
Awakened with divine love and purpose
I am reborn
This is my dawn
Healing form within
Forgetting all I’m lacking
Releasing all the fear inside
Embracing myself exactly as I am
Listening to my heart, opening my soul
Breaking free from the illusions, letting go of the limitations put on me by myself and the world
Opening my heart, freeing my soul, spreading my wings ready to fly
I’m awake
I’m alive
I look to the sky ready to fly
Knowing that I may fall, but I’m not afraid
I will take a chance
Whatever path I take will lead to home
Keeping my feet on the road, opening the doors I come across
Life is full of surprises some good and some bad
Each experience makes us a better, stronger person
I’ve met many friends who helped me along my path
They’ve taught me how to be confident, smart and athletic
But most importantly they have taught me to appreciate myself, to appreciate the things I have and the life I lead
It’s not about what you don’t have that matters, it’s how you use what you have to help you
If you keep focusing on your limitations, you will never know where your talents are
My friends have taught me much about living life to the fullest, being open to all learning and also to appreciate myself
My friends have made me a new and better person
For that I am grateful
I wouldn’t have learned lots of the things about myself had it not been for my friends
They opened new doors for me and I discovered new sides of me that I never knew I had
Everyone is special
Everyone has an inner spark that can change the world
Life is filled with surprise and adventures
The friends you meet cherish them
The family you have show them love
Cultivate love and happiness around you in this world
Life is too short and there is no second try
Live each day to your fullest
Go for the dreams you desire, the ones that are in your heart
Build the staircases under the dreams in heaven
Keep climbing in life
Make yourself the person you want to be
Learn from your mistakes and use them to grow
I see a New World
I have become a New and better person
Your experiences in life and the people you meet make you a better person
Even if your friends drift away, it’ll be okay
Cherish the memories you had
It is better to have had a moment of happiness in life than spend time in the darkness
Take the experiences and all you’ve learned and go out into the world and spread the light you’ve experienced
Life is beautiful
The world is anew with light and love
Everything happens for a reason
Be grateful of being alive, of being able to experience joy and pain
Through our darkest times we begin to see how truly strong we are
As a phoenix arises from the ashes so can we be reborn
New World, New Me, New You
Be grateful
Enjoy the miracle and gifts life has to offer
Mirrors of the World
Is who I think I am the person seen by the world?
Looking at the views of the world reflected back at me, am I a virtual image or is this the real me?
Am I the person I want to be or the person shaped by the values of the world?
We are all imprisoned in a castle of glass
Always seeming as if the sun glints off the windows
Afraid to show our true selves
Hidden away in the castle of glass, watching the world reflected back to us
The light of the world comes in and it bends and breaks us shaping who we are
The castles we build are so easily shattered and they only confine us in illusion keeping our souls from being truly free
As the world comes rushing in and the walls come tumbling down and the glass shatters into pieces
Yet the pieces can build a new stronger foundation
A broken heart can contain the world
You are not what the mirrors of the world determine you to be
You are only constrained by the limits you place upon yourself
Don’t let the mirrors of the world shape your values
Break free from the castles of glass and truly let the light in
Even if everything has fallen apart it’s okay
Through the darkest nights, the stars can shine
Even the broken pieces can help you become stronger
Not every path you take will lead to success
But you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take
So go for the gold
Don’t let setbacks discourage you
When one door closes another opens
If you spend time in the dark despairing you will only miss out on the opportunities life has awaiting
Life is a gift, an adventure
Live each second as if it were your last
Look at yourself and ask yourself if the person you are now is the person you want to be
Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, be grateful for what you do have
Instead of living a life you want to escape from, appreciate the life you have now
Break the mirrors of illusion, set your soul free
Be the person you truly want to be
May 12, 2016 at 8:46 pm #104412AnonymousGuestDear Shirley:
I believe this very post here is the 300th post on this thread. And I believe it is a record. I don’t think there has been a thread in all of tiny buddha’s history with 300 posts! And it is your thread, so hurray Shirley on a 300 hundred posts thread!
And what a better way to celebrate this than with three beautiful poems you wrote above, one poem for every 100 posts!
But enough with numbers. When friends encourage your creativity, these are great friends (Andrew and Dave)!
Physics of Life: I too see a lot of parallels between physics and mental life and your poem is a great demonstration of this and in ways that did not occur to me before, so thank you, Shirley, for expanding my knowledge of the parallels.
“Remember to diverge from society and reflect your own light rather than converging with everyone else”- beautifully said, intelligently, creatively and .. amazingly. What a better way to express the message to … Dare to Diverge!
Mirror parallels, regarding one’s image in the mirror: “It’s not magnified with over-confidence or diminished with low self-esteem”- correct viewing of oneself, what an important concept!
“Let your wavelengths of color disperse vibrantly through the spectrum of life”- this is beyond words, and you said it with words, I am amazed at this sentence. It is … perfect.
“Keep trying different paths, different angles, keeping your goal in mind”- being flexible, not rigid, very important. Connecting this principle to paths and angles, brilliant, says I!
Rebirth:
“New eyes look upon the world
New days awash with light” – beautiful!
…I am reborn
This is my dawn” perfect!
Healing form within”- this is my personal path…
…Embracing myself exactly as I am”- very much what I am in the process of doing.
….Breaking free from the illusions”- yes. As you can see, Shirley, I can very much relate to your poem.“Opening my heart, freeing my soul, spreading my wings ready to fly
I’m awake
I’m alive
I look to the sky ready to fly” I really, really like this poem. It is definitely inspirational!“I have become a New and better person
Your experiences in life and the people you meet make you a better person”- this is the part about Andrew and Dave and me too, I think (honored!)Mirrors of the World:
“Is who I think I am the person seen by the world?
Looking at the views of the world reflected back at me, am I a virtual image or is this the real me?” So many people wonder this. I wish they read this.
“Am I the person I want to be or the person shaped by the values of the world?” yes, yes, yes, excellent question.
“…You are not what the mirrors of the world determine you to be”- this is a unique way to put it, one of a kind. This is well, well said. Beyond well said, perfectly said. Couldn’t be said any better.
…Don’t let the mirrors of the world shape your values”- yes, determine your own values.“Even if everything has fallen apart it’s okay
Through the darkest nights, the stars can shine”- this is so encouraging. I wish I could post these two lines on every thread of a person who needs encouragement, it is beautifully said. Through the darkest nights, the stars can shine. Wow!Thank you Shirley for this beautiful three folds treat this evening! A treat indeed!
One more day and there is another weekend in sight. Till your next post, take good care of the amazing Shirley!
anita
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 