at ocean county college, they have intramural sports so i think i’m going for field hockey, chess and running. the thing about living at home is that i can work out there using my work out equipment and also it’s less costly. also community college will help me get my intro courses out of the way such as latin and economics and it’s cheaper. i’m not a procrastinator so i tend to space things out pretty well and get a head start on them so i don’t have to do many test corrections b/c i got most of it planned out and i am going to check some of the questions to make sure. i like my ap calc class b/c they are quiet, studious and helpful with the problems. i understand the work, but i do bad on the tests, but it’s only the 2nd test (i got a 71 on it) so i might just need time to adjust to the teacher’s testing style. my business/web class doesn’t seem to want to learn at times and the people all think that a subject is useless or they just are too focused on sports and games. my ap biology class is a bit dramatic, but i like science so i enjoy that class, although sometimes the classmates are a bit too dramatic. i realize that if i don’t do well on something, it won’t mean that i will fail the semester or the school year for ap classes. remember when you said that most people don’t realize they have an inner bully and most people aren’t as confident as they seem?, i think i see that with my ap biology classmates. some of them flip out after the first test and think they will do bad on the ap test which is in may a long way to go. i have realized that i have an inner bully (thanks to your help) and i don’t let it get to me. there are times when i feel down, but i’ll still think of the accomplishments that i did such as that i am doing well with my time management and have most of the work done while others haven’t. by focusing on my accomplishments and my good qualities even when i feel a bit down, i find myself feeling better about myself and it keeps the inner bully from getting into my mind and making a situation worse. one of my friends told me she thought “i was the most confident person she knew.” i will fake a smile and lie that i’m fine and sometimes i’m a good actor i’ll believe it and uplift other classmates and then we’ll all be more hopeful. i’m not really all that confident as my friend says, it depends on the environment, but her comment made me smile. my java class is too loud and i would like to learn so there are times when i read my notes and teach myself at home, the guys all talk about football much like the guys in my business/web class.

i think my classmates in ap biology are a bit dramatic in the way they overreact if they fail a test and they are really competitive. i was looking at the difference between molecular biology, genetics and biochemistry and they are quite similar. a molecular biologist needs to know genetics, physics, chemistry, calculus and also computers for a laboratory research. there is a field in molecular biology that is called molecular genetics and deals with dna. genetics is the study of genes and hereditary. molecular biologists and biochemists overlap quite a lot, but biochemists deal with thermodynamics and the chemical functions within cells while molecular biologists deal with cells of organisms from plants to animals. this is why i want to learn computer science so i can learn to program computers and work with them on figuring out dna sequences if i am going to be a molecular biologist. my java classmates are a bit too loud and i want to concentrate on learning. calculus can be used to calculate blood flow through a vessel, cardiac output, tumour growth.
it is hard getting used to the ap biology and ap calc tests b/c they are quite hard, but i’m going to work on it. i seem to understand the topics, but when it comes to the test, somehow my inner bully gets in the way and i don’t do so well. also the tests range between 80 minutes to two hours over a lot of formulas, concepts and chapter things (especially ap biology). i am always afraid for ap biology, i am not taking enough notes or fully understanding the material before a test b/c when it comes to the test, the teacher tests you on all sorts of things such as food web diagrams and some of the stuff that you didn’t include in your notes, but was in the textbook or some info that you need to use your knowledge on so the ap biology and ap calc tests are very thought-provoking indeed.

so the library at my school has new books and they are quite cool esp. with finance and college planning. they have lots of chemistry, physics and biology books. they have the most biology books. the only thing i wish the had more math books. i just discovered they have a section on lgbt and that is really cool and also a psychology book.

i agree that self-books don’t really help much, they are a bit cut and dry and not much honest down-to-earth sharing. i was looking at a book called “phobias, fears and anxiety’s and how to deal with them.” society tends to classify every abnormal thing as a disease and a treatment when they should also focus on the whole person and the other factors such as diet, environmental factors (stress from family, financial, emotional) and mental and look to heal the patient not just cure them. these threads are quite helpful b/c people can be quite open, post their experiences and seek great advice from people like you:) after a few days of ignoring each other since we were both stressed and busy with our schedules, my special friend and i were worried that our friendship was falling apart. yet today, when i came into school and he saw me near my locker, we smiled at each other. we shared a song we’d both been listening to called “Anywhere” by Stroke 9 and we were both smiling and laughing as we heard the song. while we were listening to the song and smiling, the was a bright golden light surrounding both of us and we both felt angel wings brushing us. it turned out to be archangel uriel, the angel of divine being, health and connection. my special friend’s blue yes seemed to sparkle like the blue sky as the angel uriel was telling us “don’t worry i am here to guide you through your life. forget about the insecurities and trust in the divine.” my special friend had the most radiant smile on his face after the angel’s light dissipated. anyway, during 3A lunch my special friend was sitting alone at a table and he was smiling at me, but i didn’t quite notice b/c i was comforting my friend francine about her school work and debating with benton (computer science friend) about biology. anyway, my special friend must have seen i was a bit stressed, so he came over with some of his friends and he started telling them what a smart and great person i was. this made me smile and i laughed which made his eyes twinkle more. later during last block java when i felt that the computer wasn’t working and i was stressed, my special friend came over to me and told me it was okay. he said that he cared about me and i didn’t have to worry. i told him that any time i felt like i was going to crash (like it says in the song), i’m aware that there is something protecting and saving me. my special friend laughed and said he’ll always be here if i need him. he then told me that “anytime he can’t say what’s on his mind, he goes back to the good memories we had and the remembrance of them is enough even if we are silent.” here is the song that my special friend and i both like:

STROKE 9 LYRICS
“Anywhere”

Everyday something new comes my way
And helps me get through the past
Anyway, I can’t say how long I’ve been away
But I feel at home at last
I’m aware there’s something around me
Saving me, protecting me
That won’t let me crash
Everyday something new comes my way
And I feel at home at last

Anywhere is everywhere and I don’t care
As long as I can feel this is real I’m not scared to let you in
Everywhere is far from there and I don’t care as long as this is real
When you’re gone then I won’t feel this good again.

Anytime I can’t say what’s on my mind
And remember how good things have been
I relax and reattach to the past
And we feel like one again
It erases all the care in our way
And we feel like one again

Feel this good again

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/stroke9/anywhere.html

so i like my ap calc class and the way the teacher is rolling into topics. he makes it seem a lot less complicated and also makes the class fun and interesting. we just finished limits and are getting an overview of some theorems such as intermediate value theorem which states that a function cannot skip values. we are learning more about how to look at a graph and find the values, to graph equations and also to work with vertical and horizontal asymptotes of trig functions. i met with my guidance counselor today on college planning and she advised me to retake the SATs so i could be eligible for NJSTARS at ocean county college since my gpa and academic scores are good. so i’m retaking them on nov. 5. i am enjoying my classes this semester, the teachers are great. i had to switch my business/web to u.s history II b/c it was a requirement to take 2 years of u.s. history, but i like the teacher. i did the switch today during fourth block, java. the only thing i miss is that my business/web development class had lots of fun people in it, but i think i can always visit them again during passing time between blocks. nick in my former business/web class has a great sense of humor and he and sal both play football. sal has a great sense of confidence in himself and i want to be like him, while nick’s laid-back humor makes everyone smile. they were both helping me answer jeopardy questions on the computer in 2nd block business/web development (only for today, tomorrow 2nd block will be u.s. history). alyssa in my former business and web class let me borrow her cylinder gum package so i could pretend i was a protein being wrapped in a chaperonin. a chaperonin is a thing that is like a cylinder with a top that opens and the protein falls into it and once it is folded correctly the top opens and the protein is let out. so i was pretending to be a protein as part of a play during 2nd block and i was describing how a protein is folded to carry out specific functions and it was quite entertaining. so during fourth block was when i went to guidance and did the college and schedule things. my java teacher is my former geometry honors teacher from sophomore year and she is great. she also wrote a letter of recommendation for me. i missed some class time talking to the counselor about college, but she caught me up and said that i could take the open-note test tomorrow. ray (smart and great sense of humor) who is in my java and ap calc class was telling me about all the fun teachers he had. he like me enjoys laid-back teachers even if they teach hard subjects. my ap biology teacher (3rd block) is great, he has a great sense of humor and he explains things really well and makes great analogies to real-life situations. anyway, i saw my former lunch buddy and francine today after school for 15 minutes and we said hi to each other. i have a lot of clubs this year and i am enjoying them. i have academic challenge (explains why i was doing jeopardy 2nd block) mostly on mondays (has been mostly board meetings) and i am recording secretary so i take notes and send a copy of the schedule to the teacher. we also meet on thursdays sometimes as well. i also have garden club on thursdays so i alternate. all the clubs started this week. i have lead and seed on wednesday and it is a drug prevention program. i have art club on tuesdays and community service so i alternate those as well. i went to the art club meeting today and it was really fun. andrew and i were talking during the last 15 minutes of ap biology we struck up a conversation about voodou, zombies and celtic human sacrifices (wall street journal newspaper article on voodou in court rooms). we were both laughing and discussing various topics of religion. he waited for me after the bell rang and he seemed really interested in talking about the subject. when the art club members were all scattered and planning different things, wilson was standing in the corner sort of lonely. i met a friend and we had fun saying that the river rocks looked like potatoes (art club members will paint the rocks and sell them). one of the rocks was exactly like a potato, the other was like the color of a red kidney bean and the other looked like a smushed, cooked potato. anyway my friend and i were talking it over and thinking it would be fun to play a prank on someone with the rocks and pretend it is a potato. anyway, wilson overheard us and began to explain his knowledge on potatoes and how the red kidney bean looking potato rock was probably an irish red potato and how the cooked potato looking rock was an irish folklore potato. anyway, my friend and i went up to one of the art teachers and asked her if she would like a potato, she knew it was a rock so she declined, but she shared in our humor. my friend saw wilson standing there and decided to offer him the potato looking rock, the art teacher joined in the joke and us three were saying “look it’s a potato.” of course wilson knew it was a rock. but i asked him “how do you know, it’s a great tasting potato.” the art teacher supported the joke and said “come try it.” my friend gave the potato rock to andrew and andrew (sorry i switched back to andrew again, i’m just not used to calling him wilson) pretended to take a bite out of it and all four of us started laughing. anyway, after that my friend put the potato rocks in order from red potato rock, potato rock to cooked potato rock while andrew and i watched and we were both smiling.
wilson told me that he was an elf one time for art club when they helped people paint pictures, he helped carry the paint around and it was cute. he is really good at ap biology and also we get along well in that class. the dog, hanson that helps the girl in the wheelchair is a great dog and wilson (switched back to wilson) is really good with that dog. they are so cute together such as when wilson pets the dog and massages the dog’s legs. he is really good with dogs and i love dogs, hanson is a really well-behaved and cute dog. the dog yawned at wilson and wilson smiled and it was so cute. i want to go to garden club tomorrow and see andrew (a.k.a wilson) and nick (from my former business/web class starting tomorrow, that is if he joins), but i also will have to alternate with academic challenge. the ap biology teacher goes a max of 2-3 chapters per week with 60 pages of info and lots of drawings, but i really like biology and andrew is great at explaining biology. i also am staying after friday for art club to help paint those river rocks and i need a composition book for academic challenge by thurs.