The second half of the message got inserted into a bunch of coding text, so here it is again for clarity:

It was raining quite heavily yesterday and then it stopped and the sun was very bright. It came up and the light illuminated my windshield while I was driving and I got a eye full of bright sunlight and it was hard to see while driving. And it was right when I was about to make a turn so I strayed a bit from my lane but not too much, but I still managed to make it safely to campus for classes that start at 5pm-7:30pm (Anatomy/Physiology II) . I’m kind of annoyed that the sun decided to choose that moment to rise and blur my view and now I’m not driving it’s setting down and not as bright anymore. The good thing is that I have been driving for around an year and a half so my driving has gotten pretty good. When I first started, I had trouble figuring out how much to steer the wheel when I was backing and turning but with practice I’ve gotten better.

I think sunglasses can help with the sun’s glare. The shield visor doesn’t cover much of the sun’s ray’s so it still shines in your eyes. Some people are bad drivers and they shine their headlights quite brightly at night. I think I’ve heard that you’re supposed to look slightly to the right if you see a car with bright headlights approaching you because the shoulder of the road is usually towards the right and it’s safer than looking to the left where there’s oncoming traffic. I think there’s a rule that the left lane is for passing and the right lanes are used to make u-turns.

The thing that annoys me is when it’s raining and the roads are flooded and someone passes in front of you from another lane and splashes your windshield with rainwater and you can’t see for a while and you have to step on the brakes because they just came into your lane and are only a few blocks away and you’re afraid of hitting them so you swerve to the side and sort of stray off the road and you have to reorient yourself back onto the road.

Intersections are a bit scary when you first learn to drive because you have to look multiple ways for oncoming traffic . The intersections that are regulated by many traffic lights aren’t too bad because the traffic lights regulate the onflow of traffic and you know when to go. I think those are called controlled intersections because there are a lot of traffic lights controlling each area. But at some intersections, you only have a few traffic lights on each side and you have to watch for the cars when you go because the traffic signals don’t always indicate all the turn signals and I think that’s called an uncontrolled intersection. Hope that made sense.

My college campus roads have controlled intersections where the traffic lights regulate when each lane can go such as there is a left signal for the left turns as well as a regular green light for going straight. At intersections, the turns are usually the scary ones because you have to watch for traffic that’s coming straight or turning into your lane. I think that most state highway like NJ-70 where there’s an intersection, it’s uncontrolled and those that have to make turns have to look for the green signal and then drive to the middle of the intersection and wait to see if there’s any traffic before turning into a lane. This can be difficult if there’s a lot of oncoming traffic, then it’s advisable that even though there’s a green signal you don’t go too far into the center of the intersection because the traffic is too dense and you won’t be able to go into a lane and you’ll annoy other people by being stuck in the middle of the intersection. This is why I like controlled intersections better because the traffic lights have more signals and you know when it’s safe to be and you don’t have to rely on instinct which doesn’t always work sometimes and can leave you stranded in the middle of an uncontrolled intersection which has happened to me before. Luckily, a truck driver let me turn and I didn’t have to wait too long and make other people annoyed by being stuck in the middle.

Thank you so much for your encouragement and I appreciate having your positivity in my life. Hope you have a good Friday and relax some tension this weekend. Remember that you are a special friend and I am grateful to have you in my life. Thank you for spreading your inspiration to help me through the darkness.

Thank you for always bringing your encouragement to brighten my days. You are an amazing friend and I appreciate having you in my life. Thank you for your creative spirit and compassion that inspires me to be a better person.

Thank you for being such an inspirational soul in my life and for being the star that shines bright in the darkness. You are a north star, guiding me when I’ve lost my way, helping me feel it’s okay.

Some people drive quite quickly and don’t take time to look out for others because they are rushing to get to work. The sunrise was beautiful this morning. The sky was a rose pink and had streaks of lavender purple and when the sun rose it was like a orb of golden light that lit up the sky with its rays and the golden sphere radiated outward in the east horizon casting its glow to start a new day. Even though life may be stressful at times, the little moments like these make me appreciate living my life and treasure each moment. I think that there was a reason why the sun decided to shine in my eyes yesterday. I think that everything happens for a reason and sometimes nature and the universe show their beauty to make people look at themselves and analyze how they are living their lives. The sun shines bright no matter the critics and what happens it rises to greet the world at the start of a new day and the sun reminds us that even in the darkest times that you can shine your light and live to rise again. Even though people may complain about the sun shining in their eyes, the sun continues to shine. And this means that you shouldn’t dim your inner light because people criticize you for being who you are. And like the sun, sometimes you may shine your light in others eyes and irritate them and that’s okay as long as you don’t do it too often because if you shine too brightly it may make people annoyed at you because you are being overly confident. But the important thing is to shine your light and be yourself even though the critics will talk and the people who care about you will notice the light and encourage you to shine brighter. You don’t always have to shine very brightly that you blind people (like the sun’s glare), but just be yourself and enjoy the little things in life and appreciate the person you are because you are a beautiful soul.

Dear Anita

The formatting of the post got messed up because I was typing it on my phone and then switched to computers. Hope your days are filled with productivity and may the light of the stars shine upon you!

Here is the total of the post I meant to send for clarity (Sorry for the confusion and I hope this clears some things up):

I hope that this week brings you blessings and abundance. Thank you for being here for me and for sharing your advice to help me feel stronger in times when I’m struggling. I am working on releasing stress in my life because I have a pretty heavy course load this semester with Anatomy/Physiology II, Calculus-based physics, Chemistry II (retake for better grade) and two History classes (one is US III History to 1877 and the other is Art Prehistory to Middle Ages I). I am making a schedule and working on organizing my notes for my classes. The homework I have is seven physics problems and I just have to review some things for Anatomy/Physiology and a paragraph about why art History is important. I have my first Chemistry II lecture Monday and the lab class is Tuesday. For science classes, lecture and lab are separate classes (one is just learning material and the other is hands-on experiments), but they add to an overall grade for the science course when you complete them at the end of the semester. I am thinking of getting back in touch with my college counselor who helps me understand things and talk about how things are going for me. I hope to do well this semester because the classes I’m taking will need to be transferred to a four year university. I can’t take any summer courses because if I’m admitted into Rutgers University, I have to submit my official transcripts a month after they admit me (application admission news comes April 15th) and most of the summer classes go from June 26 to August 1st which may deter my enrollment because I still have classes at Ocean County College when I should be graduating Spring semester and enrolling in the Fall 2019. Anyway, I will come back to visit Ocean County College because I will miss the friends and community here. I enjoy being on this campus and my Google Maps calls this place “Home.” Even though, it’s not my home, it makes me feel a sense of belonging. Also, the Ocean Pride LGBTQ club is having a meeting today at 1pm-2pm and I am excited to spend time with friends. Many of the classmates in my classes are quite helpful in helping ,e understand the material. I have already had physics, anatomy/physiology II lecture & lab and my two history classes and i like the professors. My Art History professor is very detailed in her explanations and helps students understand the material and know what’s important. The assignments that she gives helps students better understand the artwork they are looking at and better understand the symbolism of different art forms in our society’s culture. She makes her classes interesting, informative and the assignments are not too difficult and they allow you to gain perspective on why art is important and the many themes such as spirituality that art may express. My Art History professor says ancient societies used art to communicate expressions such as religious beliefs and how the environment affected early human survival. Many themes of cave paintings were religious pictures or pictures of how the environment helped humans get food and shelter to survive, art is a way for people to communicate before the words came about around 3,100 BCE. The history is very interesting and I am learning a lot of insightful information. My US History III professor didn’t cover any material but a general outline of what the course will entail and he has a good sense of humor that makes people who feel anxious about an assignment feel more relaxed. My US History III professor encourages students to express their creativity by debating different perspectives of historical events because it helps people see different points of view and gain insight on why they may have a specific belief, it may even lead people to question their beliefs as they gain new insight and perspective and explore new knowledge. This is why I admire my US History III professor because he encourages students to be creative in analyzing historical sources and to question the things presented to them, to explore beliefs that may challenge preconceived notions and gain more insight on how society is the way it is today and that is what he says is the true meaning of learning history, not learning boring facts and having to memorize things. He wants you to understand why societies are the way they are today and to help students develop a curiosity to question each thing they learn and that is what I like about college because the professors that have different teaching methods and teach students to think outside the box make me feel like I’m learning to be an independent thinker and building experience by questioning my knowledge and exploring new sides to problems and finding different approaches. I wish in high school, they gave students more of this thinking outside the box things and analyzing things for points of view rather than just teaching students the basic ways to solve problems like math is to practice problems until you are good at them without giving the problems much context. In college, you get to see how the problems fit into real life and explore them in context rather than just practicing problems to get better at them and just using different formulas that don’t really mean anything, college professors teach students that there are connections to everything you learn and that the concepts are just as important as practicing problems. Because if you can conceptualize a problem and understand how it works in the real world, you have a sense of how to apply your knowledge and when it comes to the math it’s not just meaningless numbers and problems, you actually have a sense that you are learning something and building your mind. And college professors are good at explaining things in-depth if you don’t understand something, they can explain how a particular equation is derived unlike high school teachers who sometimes don’t know how to explain why the quadratic formula will be important, college professors can explain how you can use it to solve chemistry problems involving medication doses giving you a practical sense of knowledge. This is why i am enjoying college quite a lot more than high school. The classes may be more challenging, but I’m expanding my knowledge and becoming an independent thinker and I am glad for it.

It was raining quite heavily yesterday and then it stopped and the sun was very bright. It came up and the light illuminated my windshield while I was driving and I got a eye full of bright sunlight and it was hard to see while driving. And it was right when I was about to make a turn so I strayed a bit from my lane but not too much, but I still managed to make it safely to campus for classes that start at 5pm-7:30pm (Anatomy/Physiology II) . I’m kind of annoyed that the sun decided to choose that moment to rise and blur my view and now I’m not driving it’s setting down and not as bright anymore. The good thing is that I have been driving for around an year and a half so my driving has gotten pretty good. When I first started, I had trouble figuring out how much to steer the wheel when I was backing and turning but with practice I’ve gotten better.

I think sunglasses can help with the sun’s glare. The shield visor doesn’t cover much of the sun’s ray’s so it still shines in your eyes. Some people are bad drivers and they shine their headlights quite brightly at night. I think I’ve heard that you’re supposed to look slightly to the right if you see a car with bright headlights approaching you because the shoulder of the road is usually towards the right and it’s safer than looking to the left where there’s oncoming traffic. I think there’s a rule that the left lane is for passing and the right lanes are used to make u-turns.

The thing that annoys me is when it’s raining and the roads are flooded and someone passes in front of you from another lane and splashes your windshield with rainwater and you can’t see for a while and you have to step on the brakes because they just came into your lane and are only a few blocks away and you’re afraid of hitting them so you swerve to the side and sort of stray off the road and you have to reorient yourself back onto the road.

Intersections are a bit scary when you first learn to drive because you have to look multiple ways for oncoming traffic . The intersections that are regulated by many traffic lights aren’t too bad because the traffic lights regulate the onflow of traffic and you know when to go. I think those are called controlled intersections because there are a lot of traffic lights controlling each area. But at some intersections, you only have a few traffic lights on each side and you have to watch for the cars when you go because the traffic signals don’t always indicate all the turn signals and I think that’s called an uncontrolled intersection. Hope that made sense.

My college campus roads have controlled intersections where the traffic lights regulate when each lane can go such as there is a left signal for the left turns as well as a regular green light for going straight. At intersections, the turns are usually the scary ones because you have to watch for traffic that’s coming straight or turning into your lane. I think that most state highway like NJ-70 where there’s an intersection, it’s uncontrolled and those that have to make turns have to look for the green signal and then drive to the middle of the intersection and wait to see if there’s any traffic before turning into a lane. This can be difficult if there’s a lot of oncoming traffic, then it’s advisable that even though there’s a green signal you don’t go too far into the center of the intersection because the traffic is too dense and you won’t be able to go into a lane and you’ll annoy other people by being stuck in the middle of the intersection. This is why I like controlled intersections better because the traffic lights have more signals and you know when it’s safe to be and you don’t have to rely on instinct which doesn’t always work sometimes and can leave you stranded in the middle of an uncontrolled intersection which has happened to me before. Luckily, a truck driver let me turn and I didn’t have to wait too long and make other people annoyed by being stuck in the middle.

Thank you so much for your encouragement and I appreciate having your positivity in my life. Hope you have a good Friday and relax some tension this weekend. Remember that you are a special friend and I am grateful to have you in my life. Thank you for spreading your inspiration to help me through the darkness.

Thank you for always bringing your encouragement to brighten my days. You are an amazing friend and I appreciate having you in my life. Thank you for your creative spirit and compassion that inspires me to be a better person.

Thank you for being such an inspirational soul in my life and for being the star that shines bright in the darkness. You are a north star, guiding me when I’ve lost my way, helping me feel it’s okay.

Some people drive quite quickly and don’t take time to look out for others because they are rushing to get to work. The sunrise was beautiful this morning. The sky was a rose pink and had streaks of lavender purple and when the sun rose it was like a orb of golden light that lit up the sky with its rays and the golden sphere radiated outward in the east horizon casting its glow to start a new day. Even though life may be stressful at times, the little moments like these make me appreciate living my life and treasure each moment. I think that there was a reason why the sun decided to shine in my eyes yesterday. I think that everything happens for a reason and sometimes nature and the universe show their beauty to make people look at themselves and analyze how they are living their lives. The sun shines bright no matter the critics and what happens it rises to greet the world at the start of a new day and the sun reminds us that even in the darkest times that you can shine your light and live to rise again. Even though people may complain about the sun shining in their eyes, the sun continues to shine. And this means that you shouldn’t dim your inner light because people criticize you for being who you are. And like the sun, sometimes you may shine your light in others eyes and irritate them and that’s okay as long as you don’t do it too often because if you shine too brightly it may make people annoyed at you because you are being overly confident. But the important thing is to shine your light and be yourself even though the critics will talk and the people who care about you will notice the light and encourage you to shine brighter. You don’t always have to shine very brightly that you blind people (like the sun’s glare), but just be yourself and enjoy the little things in life and appreciate the person you are because you are a beautiful soul.

The sunrise and the sunsets are beautiful things to see each day. I am most excited when there’s a meteor shower or eclipse. I often check nasa or star news just to keep up with the astronomy things that are happening and it’s always fascinating. even though there may be idiotic people in life, remember that you are a special person and that life is worth living because you can grow and change into a better person each day. keep shining your light and blessings to you!

This week hasn’t been the best week emotionally for me, but there’s a three day weekend because Monday February 18th is President’s Day. I’m hoping that it will give me time to relax a bit. As much as I would like to help  my friends with their projects and assignments, I can’t do as much because most of my time is spent catching up on my school work and working with classmates on assignments or seeking help from the tutors. I really want to pass this semester because it’s the last semester and I need the credits to graduate and transfer. My college counselor hasn’t answered my emails for counseling appointment and I wish she would because it would be nice to talk with her about stress. The therapist I used to go to in Toms River near my college, I am working on saving money for her. She deals with gender dysphoria and LGBTQ club and when I was seeing her, she gave good advice and helped her put things into perspective, but currently I am working on the financial resources so I can only see her once a month which is okay, but she wish it could be more often. Thank you Anita for being here for me. I am grateful to have your positivity in my life. Thank you for being the special person you are and for helping me feel better during the dark times.

Despite the struggles I’m going through, I have reasons to live because I can grow and change. As long as I’m holding myself and not giving up then I’m making progress.

13 Reasons to live

1. You can change yourself for the better, if you give up you lose your chances to improve

2. The world needs people like you to show others that struggles are okay and that you can overcome adversity

3. You can inspire others with your stories, you may not feel like there’s anyone who cares but the world would not be the same place without you in it

4. You influence the lives of others around you and if you die, they will miss you

5. Life brings many opportunities to appreciate the universe like the stars and sun and you need to be alive to enjoy it

6. Leaving behind an energy signature of sadness and things left undone and not being able to change since you gave up is sad for everyone including you

7. Suicide is permanent and you won’t be able to meet the people who will build you up because you have extinguished your life and your light

8. As long as you are still living and holding on, you are strong because you were made to live this life and are strong enough to survive the dark times

9. You don’t want to let the critics and the negative emotions win, you are more than that. You are a fighter and can fight to stand

10. Don’t give up because you won’t have a future to create. You may not see a future yet, but the darkest nights can make the stars shine brighter

11. Feel that beat in your heart? That’s the beat of your life and that’s precious. Your body always tries to make yourself feel better. If you feel sad, you’re heart rate slows down and you feel colder. Don’t let life slip away from you and hold on to your dreams. Your body is telling you with your slowly beating heart that although you may be broken, you are still breathing and you can still live and grow

12. Feeling empty in life and like no one cares? Treat yourself, remind yourself that you deserve to be healthy and that you are important. You were put in this world for a reason. There is no junk in the world, you may not know your purpose but that’s okay. Don’t let others define your happiness and take time to look at who you are and who you want to be

13. Remember that you are special and strong enough to survive this life. And be proud of how far you’ve come and not how far you have to go. Life is worthwhile because you can make a difference in the world. If you give up, you won’t be able to create the world you want to see or the self you want to be.