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  • #405240
    Janus
    Participant

    Dear Anita

     

    Glad to hear from you.

    when i was really struggling and not really sure where to go in life, liam encouraged me to talk about my gender dysphoria with him and it was helpful working through things. he made me laugh and believe in myself again when i felt like gender dysphoria was eating me away. ashley helped encourage me to go outside more and spend time in nature. I am glad that she encouraged me to go try the sustainable agriculture class. I am still healing from some things but thinking that I am building more clarity in life.

    Sustainable agriculture is fascinating helping with soil health. A lot of the conventional agriculture uses tilling that destroys top soil and limits ability to regrow crops as it removes soil nutrients. No-till is part of sustainable agriculture where the land isn’t plowed but a tarp is used to kill the grass then the dead matter (grass and other weeds) is allowed to go into the soil using a tilther to move the dead, grass loosening the soil. Then the soil is loosened and a tractor is used (the sustainable farm at stockton has an electric tractor) to make the fields ready for planting. My favorite part is collecting compost in wheelbarrows to lay over the fields as nutrients for plants, it makes me feel grounded, connected with the earth. Sustainable agriculture also helps with providing and managing resources well so that they are still available for future generations use. The stockton sustainable farm collects rainwater to help water the plants. I feel that sustainability is important since the earth is a beautiful planet that needs to have resources protected. If conventional farmers used many pesticides that harmed other wildlife and might pose risk to human health then it would be quite sad. Also using less pesticides reduces costs that go into buying the pesticides and those costs could be saved for other things. I love being outdoors in the stockton farm learning how to grow squash, tomatoes, potatoes, spinach, garlic, and helping with the greenhouses. I feel I have learned a lot about nutrition and the value of quality of food. Also I have learned about the dust bowl in my sustainable agriculture class and how farmers plowed their lands and the wind blew the soil around because there was no topsoil covering. Sustainable agriculture and ecology have been my two favorite classes at stockton. I loved learning about the wildlife interactions in the environment and how human interactions can harm or help nature.

    I thought I had to chase money and go into genetic engineering or medical field to be able to support myself. I was very afraid that if I dropped biochemistry to pursue biology for a time that I wouldn’t be able to go learn about medicinal herbs because one school that I wanted to apply to after stockton required biochemistry degree. But after more searching I found some other ways to learn about plants and human health. The stockton farm decided to plant hemp to make bracelets to sell to fundraise for cancer one time and it was awesome. I realized that I could still help contribute to plants research for human health and preserve the environment being a biology major. Also, biology degree had many more options working outside like the ecology class that I took and explored how trees help the earth. There were some sustainable things like nature reserves volunteer opportunities that were open to environmental science people so I decided to add environmental science too. The two degrees biology and environmental science are very versatile, I can learn about the living things in the environment and also environmental science provides me tools to go outside and explore.

    I feel much better pursuing something that sparks joy in my heart and even though it might not earn as much as genetics or medicine it’s still lots of fun.

     

     

    #405244
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Janus:

    I’ve been preparing a post for you but will need to continue it tomorrow. I don’t want it to be too long and I want it to make sense so I’ll need more time. I also read your two posts from today and will be back to you with responses Thursday morning. I hope you rest well this evening and night. You sent me hugs in your return post yesterday: hugs back to you!

    anita

    #405383
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Janus:

    In your very first post on Dec 30 2015, you shared that you were sexually harassed and bullied in seventh and eighth grade. You wrote about it: “This lowered my self-esteem and made me adopt some negative views about myself such as that I am not athletic, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not healthy enough and especially that my weight is too much…”- notice: you listed not being athletic as the first item on the list of your negative views about yourself.

    On May 20, July 14, & Sept 1, 2016, you shared: “I worry about not being a good enough athlete since I am a girl… I wonder if my guy friends think less of me b/c I’m a girl and I begin to think I’m not as a good of athlete…. I realize there is still an inner bully within that keeps telling me to be the most perfect I can be, to be the most athletic,.. I have wanted to be athletic since seventh grade when I was bullied for athleticism“.

    From an online source: “So what’s an athletic or rectangle shape, anyway? <b>* </b>You’re not particularly curvy * Your shoulders and hip measurements are nearly the same * Your waist isn’t very small or well-defined, but rather straight up and down * Your weight is fairly evenly distributed throughout your body”- in other words, to look athletic means to look masculine, like a boy/ a man; not feminine like a girl/ a woman.

    Notice, I am not saying that a girl should look feminine and a boy should look masculine. What I am saying is that biologically and according to what is traditionally accepted and expected in society ( the society that you grew up in), a girl/woman  looks curvy, having a smaller waste, having breasts and thicker thighs, less muscle, more fat, and a boy/man looks more rectangular, no small waste, no breasts, no thick thighs, more muscle, less fat.

    For a long time, you tried to achieve looking masculine (like a boy/ man) by losing fat and building muscle: “I have been busy toning my body and I am limiting junk food like cookies.. I haven’t eaten fast food or pizza for two years and also haven’t drank soda or eaten chips in three years… I haven’t had a donut in 6 months.. I haven’t eaten a bagel (200 calories) in since months… I am currently 115 pounds and 5’ 5”… If I do eat something unhealthy even if it is very moderate, I always have a workout to cut the calories… I also managed to bench press 50 pounds and also do 5 pull-ups.. I can run 10 miles in 50 minutes…I am a bit irritated b/c I didn’t go to the gym on Friday or Sunday, but I did do a three mile run on Saturday in 10 minutes which burned 200 calories. Also on Monday, I ate a chocolate chip cookie, molasses cookie with chocolate fudge and a fudge graham cracker brownie… I realize that my height 5′ 5” and I have become 120 instead of 118.. Oftentimes whenever I am sitting, I want to be up and working out b/c I feel as if the calories are adding up” (2016)

    *115 lbs. at 5’5 = 19.1 BMI, which is at the low end of normal weight for an 18-year old, much closer to being underweight than to being overweight.

    On May 15, June 13 & Sept 19, 2017, you shared: “I feel like controlling my body by being anorexic makes me more masculine and also hides the insecurities I have. One insecurity I have is that I am not strong enough to be a male and this results in me feeling anxious if I miss a day of exercise because I fear I’ll lose muscle mass… I was filled with self-hatred because I felt I had lost control over my restriction with food and my body wouldn’t be masculine enough so I would work out to the extreme and eat little for days to burn off the calories“.

    By Dec 2017, in addition to trying to lose all feminine weight (fat) and building muscles, you were also wearing a chest binder. Its function is to flatten the female breasts: “Wearing a chest binder helps…  hiding my chest... the chest binder (is) not making my chest flat enough… I have started to wear looser clothes in case my chest binder doesn’t hide the ‘bumps’ of my chest. My chest causes me the most anxiety… I wish my chest would be flatter” (Dec 7-9, 2017).

    June 13, 2018: “Sometimes I feel like being anorexic will make me skinnier and make me look more masculine and I think about what it would be like to die from anorexia and silence my inner critic’s voice. I think ‘What if I made myself so skinny that my chest would be extremely flat? What if I died trying to be a man, would that make me happier than the life I’m living now?’ These thoughts often scare me and make me feel numb and at times I cry. I’m scared of anorexia, but I’m more scared of not.. looking masculine so it feels like two sides war with each other”.

    Fast forward a year to June 3, 2020: “I have been having muscle aches and pains and sometimes feeling just really tired… I have a sharp jabbing ache in my hip bone I tend to run a lot… I think that the stiffness in my hips is the soreness from running. Other times I think that the sharp jabs of pain… is from my full binder that I use to bind my chest and hips to make them look more masculine…  I used trans tape to bind my chest and also wore a binder over it…. wrapped it on too tight because after a while I could feel it digging into my sides and when I went to remove the trans tape, I had some cuts and my chest was feeling sore. So today, I currently have soreness on my chest and the sides from trans tape”.

    November Nov 27 & Dec 21, 2016: “My inner bully will say ‘look at all these people, they are all saying you are worthless. you are weak as a girl. why don’t you change?… it keeps saying to me ” you are ugly and fat, go exercise“-

    – sometime during our communication, we named your inner critic=> inner bully. Your inner bully wanted you to change from a girl to a boy. Clearly, you’ve been hating yourself for being biologically a girl for a very long time. It is not far from the truth to say that you’ve been trying to kill the girl in you for a long time: (1) by starving her and over-exercising her to the point of malnutrition, exhaustion, aches and pains, and (2) by taping and binding her chest and hips to the point of cuts and sores.

    On Sept 1, 2016, you wrote: “I have wanted to be athletic since seventh grade when I was bullied for athleticism, but once I achieved it, I still didn’t think I was perfect b/c I wanted to be smarter.. I want to find a way to live happily on the inside, then when I feel happy on the inside I can reflect it on the outside“- I don’t think that you can make yourself happy on the Inside by changing your Outside: I don’t think that you can make yourself skinny enough, muscular enough, flat chested enough, and rectangular enough to be happy on the inside, because the Inner Bully resides in the inside of you and it is loud and hateful: it will always find something to harshly criticize you for.

    Notice: I am not saying that you should gain weight and stop exercising, or that you shouldn’t wear a LIGHT chest binder (closer to what a sport bra). I am not saying that you should dress feminine.. What I am saying is that going to the extremes of an eating disorder, over-exercising and wearing a binder on top of tape- for your chest and hips WILL NOT SATISFY the inner bully.

    Jan 12 & 17, 2017: “These days I feel like my inner bully has taken 55% of me and the other 45% left is someone I don’t know anymore. I feel I have lost myself“- further find that someone-you-don’t-know, and get to know and love her.

    Jan 17, 2017: “There are two sides of me warring with each other, one side that wants to follow the labels and another side that wants to break free and live as my soul“- think of the “someone I don’t know” (above quote)  as your Soul. Consider your soul as neither feminine nor masculine because it is neither male or female, cisgender or transgender, binary or non-binary.

    Notice that through the years you moved away from traditional, binary labels, but you adhered to other labels, non-traditional non-binary labels,  but still labels, still confining. Free yourself from any labels and you will find your soul.

    April 16, 2018:  “Also at my college, I have been using the name Janus because he is the Roman god of new beginnings and transitioning“- think of Janus transitioning from Labels to Soul. Think of a spiritual transitioning vs a physical one.

    Dec 7, 2018: “Wearing a chest binder helps with the dysphoria, but putting it on sometimes makes me feel dysphoric because I feel like I’m just hiding my chest and the insecurity of possibly having the chest binder not making my chest flat enough sometimes contributes to dysphoria”-

    – the solution (chest binder) is temporary and after the temporary relief.. it is not a solution at all: instead, it contributes or adds to the problem. Same as undereating and over-exercising… temporary relief followed by adding to the problem.

    Notice: I am not saying that you should not exercise or that you should eat whatever you feel like eating. Neither am I saying that you shouldn’t wear a LIGHT chest binder, such as a sports bra. I am saying that the extreme solutions you tried are not solutions.

    Dec 9, 2018:  “I know testosterone will help redistribute the fat in my body and help build more muscle so my chest will look flatter. I will also have a lower, deeper voice and grow facial hair that will make me feel more masculine… Mastectomy (top surgery to remove the chest) usually requires a transgender person to be on testosterone for six months or more… The recovery for top surgery is six months”-

    – will your Inner Bully be satisfied with the amount of muscle, hair, deeper voice and flat chest that hormones and surgery will provide, or will it still harshly criticize you? Will these extreme “solutions” solve anything or just add to the problem?

    Some of my transgender friends that have transitioned are happier with their lives“- maybe they don’t have harsh inner bullies. You are not the same person as any other person, regardless of labels. You have things in common with any other person, and things that are different.

    Sept 18, 2019: “There are times when I feel like I’m a fragmented person and although I have a sense of self, it doesn’t feel complete. I feel like I’m trying to complete a puzzle for who I want to be but I’m not sure if I have all the pieces or if the pieces are really there“- I think that a spiritual transitioning, or spiritual transformation will put together all the puzzle pieces for you, so that you are finally  at peace.

    Dec 28-31, 2019: “The stress and anxiety has lead me to working out intensely and following a strict diet and being anorexic because I want to look more like a guy and not have any curves on my body and I worry about myself“- you see how applying the same “solutions” year after year… lead to no solution at all?

    Jan 25, 2020: “My gender dysphoria seems to have been getting more prominent“- like I said, see above.

    Feb 21 2020: “My gender dysphoria has been getting more intense lately…I feel shaky, my throat hurts and my heart races most of the time… the anxiety is quite intense and I always feel like I’m unsafe like there is someone who will hurt or criticize me“- the same old, same old “solutions” are not solutions at all.

    March 17, 2020: “I withdrew from my classes on March 8th due to intense anxiety“.

    May 8-22, 2020:  “Lately I’ve been having some panic attacks where I’m just crying and shaking… being afraid of myself and to escape those thoughts I start to work out a lot until I start to see shadows in my vision… and I find myself feeling like it would just be better to just let go and just fade away… I currently have stomach cramps and chills, and still feeling dizzy. I had thought that this would be the end and I was prepared to go, taking one last look at the world, but I’m grateful that I had strength to reach out because if I hadn’t I might have fallen asleep and not have woken up“-

    -I am grateful that you reached out and that you are alive!

    June 1, 2020: “I just feel lost in gender dysphoria and anxiety. I feel like I just want to understand the world, be spiritually fulfilled and alive within myself, be out in nature and enjoy the simple things“- you said it, “be spiritually fulfilled” within yourself. The spiritual transitioning I am referring to does happen within oneself.

    August 10, 2022: “Sustainable agriculture is fascinating helping with soil health“- a spiritual transitioning will sustain you and it will help your health.

    A lot of the conventional agriculture uses tilling that destroys top soil… as it removes soil nutrients“- over-exercising, under-eating (malnutrition) /binge eating, chest tapes and harsh chest binders, these have been destroying you!

    loosening the soil. Then the soil is loosened and a tractor is used… to make the fields ready for planting“- loosen your attachments to labels: the traditional and the non-traditional, and ready yourself for the planting of a spiritual transitioning.

    Sustainable agriculture also helps with providing and managing resources well so that they are still available for future generations use” – a spiritual transitioning will avail your resources for present and future use: you will no longer use your energy in extreme ways (over-exercising and exhausting yourself for a long time), but in moderate ways .

    I feel that sustainability is important since the earth is a beautiful planet that needs to have resources protected“- and I feel that a Janus Sustainability is important since Janus is a beautiful soul, and her resources should be protected.

    I can learn about the living things in the environment and also environmental science provides me tools to go outside and explore“- you expressed your love for the outdoors so many times, throughout the years; so working outdoors is very fitting to who you truly are: a beautiful soul.

    anita

    #405989
    Janus
    Participant

     

     

    Dear Anita

     

     

    I never really felt that I belonged in the gender binary. When I was growing up, I didn’t really care whether the actions I did were masculine or feminine as society tried to place on them. When I was in elementary school, I was a brownie girlscout (first level of girlscouts) and the troop often raised funds by selling cookies to go camping. The girls in my troop often teased me because I would enjoy coed games and often play with the boys. I felt more comfortable playing with the guys. My parents came from fuzhou, a place close to southeastern china and I was born in the United States. My family coming from Asia didn’t really have access to much information about gender and for quite some time I wasn’t really sure why I never really seemed to fit in with the girls. On the camping trips with the girlscout troop, I would go out and climb trees and catch frogs with the boys. When I got to middle school, my gym class would always play girls against boys and I felt more welcomed by the boys so I played with them. In sixth grade, I got called a “tomboy” but I didn’t really like that label because I felt that I was equal to the guys. I also felt more comfortable going into the boy’s bathroom than the girls and some people used to make fun of me for it. It was during the summer before starting seventh grade when I had my hair cut short and a mailman called me “sir” I felt elated like something fell into place, it made me laugh. It was second semester of seventh grade when I was sexually assaulted by a guy. I became quite depressed and lost my self-esteem,  I  didn’t really trust guys as much and was very confused about things. I couldn’t believe a guy would try to coerce me into showing my chest to him and he showed me his genitals. It made me deeply hurt. I was grateful to have met griffin a few weeks later who helped me learn to love and trust again. griffin made me laugh with his jokes and we would play soccer or field hockey together. I was grateful for griffin who helped me defend myself when that guy tried to hurt me again. I made friends with all of griffin’s friends and they made me feel better about myself. There was a gay-straight alliance at my middle school and they had allies for lgbtq people and I decided to join the group. But the group members weren’t really accepting of me. They made fun of me for the way I dressed because I liked dark colors and looser clothing to help hide my body. There was one person in the group that I liked, their name was bec leo. people called them a tomboy but I felt they didn’t like it much. We became good friends after I thought they (using they because bec leo identifies with he/they ) were a boy and told them they were handsome. They said that they always felt like they were a boy but was born a girl. At that instant hearing bec leo say that, it was as if something clicked. I told them that I admired them and felt the same way but wasn’t really sure how to express it. in eighth grade, I had a friend named elisha who i liked but she turned out not to be a good person. she would sometimes tell my secrets to other people and would put me down. i did tell her that i didn’t like my body and connected with the guys more and elisha embraced it and said “that’s great, you do you.” I also told her not to tell anyone because I was still trying to figure out why I felt happier with the guys and being a guy. But she told griffin and griffin was quite shocked to hear about it and we took time off our friendship/relationship. But after sometime griffin said he was proud of me for being myself and we renewed our friendship/relationship. I became very depressed in high school in junior and senior year. I liked my high school lgbtq group more because the counselor named diane was very supportive and helped me with my anxiety. she had a self-help book and i started doing more research on gender identity and discovered susan’s palace where i could talk with people about me not being sure about my gender and not really fitting with the girls. susan’s palace for transgender people was the first place i started gathering resources about people who felt they didn’t belong in the gender binary. I found the term transgender and it meant someone who identifies as a gender outside of societal masculine and feminine roles. Also, transgender is a common term used for people whose gender identity doesn’t match their birth (biological) sex. I felt that I had found something that fit and made me feel more aware about myself. At first, exploring on the site I felt I might be nonbinary (nonbinary is also a branch of the transgender community) just not really identifying as feminine but not really sure about masculine either. I tried presenting as nonbinary for a time not really caring for societal expectations of gender. I didn’t really feel like I was nonbinary though because I identified more with the guys. So I left susan’s palace and tried finding more resources. I was curious about whether people who weren’t comfortable with their bodies would undergo surgery. So I spent time looking at sex reassignment surgery and that was when I started learning about gender dysphoria and how some people have anxiety over parts of their bodies and some change it with surgery. I felt that gender dysphoria fit because I was struggling with my body a lot at the time especially my chest. When I started reading more into it, I discovered that sex reassignment surgery is an outdated term and has been replaced with gender affirming surgery. People who identify as transgender often seek gender affirming surgery to help with their gender dysphoria. Gender affirming surgery requires a therapist note and for the individual to have lived a year as their gender identity along with the hormones that they were prescribed for their transition. So the person would have to be on hormones (either testosterone for trans guys or estrogen for trans females) and live as their gender identity for a year before undergoing gender affirming surgery.

     

    when I started community college, the lgbtq community was amazing and they had a trans guy as their president. I spent some time with him and he helped me a lot. I struggled with anorexia from junior year of high school to my community college years because I had so much gender dysphoria over my body. Many trans guys do develop eating disorders, it’s not quite uncommon for trans guys to become anorexic to look more masculine and try to build muscle. It was very difficult struggling with anorexia and the feeling that I wasn’t really masculine enough. I graduated community college and went on to stockton. I had a gender therapist who was very helpful and joined the transcendence group at stockton which helped me work on things. My therapist and the support groups helped me heal from anorexia. I also discovered the facebook group binder boys and made friends with the trans people there. I met liam in binder boys who helped me through the depression and believe in myself. also, ashley has been an amazing friend since community college and is still helping encourage me. at community college and stockton, I was able to express myself more and I lived as a guy and found it made me happier. I still struggled because my parents weren’t ever emotionally supportive and I didn’t really have healthy ways to cope with my emotions. But being at stockton is great because i have found friends who help me work through things. Liam and ashley helped me work through things and we had therapy together. Now at stockton, helping out at the farm with my friends christine and nicola i realize i love nature. learning about sustainability which is about a system that can go on without depleting the resources it’s going off on is fascinating. I love learning about the earth and wildlife which is why I decided to pursue biology and environmental science. christine and nicola have further helped me learn to channel my emotions and i love painting with them and going on nature hikes with them. I have accepted myself as trans and worked through lots of toxic beliefs and although I struggle with anxiety at times I feel more connected with myself and I love working in nature. The trans support group at stockton and living as a guy for a year made me feel happy and I felt like I found a place of belonging. Also, working on the farm is awesome helping with planting vegetables and fruits

     

     

     

     

     

    #405990
    Janus
    Participant

    Also I discovered through spending time with support groups it helped me better understand myself.. I had long held toxic masculinity beliefs that I had to be strong, athletic to be a guy. I didn’t really like myself because I was taught with some of the people who bullied me that guys were strong and athletic. I enjoyed playing sports and still do. But it took me lots of time to realize that trying to be a version of masculinity and trying to fit into a box wasn’t healthy. I was very dysphoric about the curves on my body and thought that if I worked out hard enough, spent more time with the guys bodybuilding it would make me more masculine. I still bind my chest with a chest binder from gc2b which sells binders for trans people and they are very comfortable. I feel less dysphoria with my chest binder on. It took me lots of time to realize how I fell for an idealized version of what it feels like to be a guy. Now I’m growing being grateful for what my body can do, I love working on yoga for relieving stress. I believe that the soul doesn’t have a gender and people are souls living in bodies. But some people as they are incarnates on the earth living might have some polarities towards masculine or feminine and I definitely feel more masculine. But I realize that guys don’t have to be muscular or strong, they can cry, they can be creative. And that trying to throw my health away to fit into what I felt was toxic masculinity wasn’t great.

    Been trans is about living in myself, being authentic, challenging societal boxes that don’t fit my gender identity. I feel like I’ve come quite a long way towards growing and understanding myself and learning to embrace things.

     

    #405991
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Janus:

    I am glad you posted! I am looking forward to read and reply to you Sun morning. Good night, Janus, rest well.

    anita

    #405994
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Janus:

    I read your two recent posts very slowly this Sunday morning and today I have a better understanding of what gender identity  means than I ever did before (I’ll get to it later in this post). When I read your posts in the 87 page of thread over the years, in my mind, I was reading the accounts of a young person’s struggles with significant mental health issues that were getting- over the years and while you were identifying as a transgender- worse, not better. So in my mind, I connected being transgender with mental illness.

    Here is a bit to show how your mental health issues were getting worse: In 2016, you were “limiting junk food like cookies“. In 2017, you “would work out to the extreme and eat little for days to burn off the calories“. In 2018, you were “scared of anorexia, but.. more scared of not.. looking masculine“. In 2019, you were “working out intensely and following a strict diet and being anorexic“.  In 2020, you were “having muscle aches and pains… a sharp jabbing ache in my hip bone… soreness from running… sharp jabs of pain.. from my full binder that I use to bind my chest and hips… panic attacks… work out a lot until I start to see shadows in my visionstomach cramps and chills, and still feeling dizzy“, and with all your awareness of gender identity and being helped by the LGBTIQ community’s resources, including a gender therapist, your “gender dysphoria has been getting more intense” (Feb 2020), and you were “lost in gender dysphoria and anxiety” (June 1, 2020).

    And so, I figured that you were not well served by the LGBTQ community because your most serious issue was mental health. Today, Aug 21, 2022, having read your two posts from yesterday, I see that you made a lot of progress during your July 2020- July 2022 break from your thread:

    You wrote yesterday: “I had long held toxic masculinity beliefs that I had to be strong, athletic to be a guy… I fell for an idealized version of what it feels like to be a guy…  I realize that guys don’t have to be muscular or strong, they can cry… Throw(ing) my health away to fit into what I felt was toxic masculinity wasn’t great. Being trans is about living in myself, being authentic, challenging societal boxes that don’t fit my gender identity. I feel like I’ve come quite a long way towards growing and understanding myself and learning to embrace things“-

    -this means then that you are no longer hurting your body by putting it through the extremes of (1) calorie restrictions and over-exercising, (2) wearing trans tapes and binders that are so tight that they leave you bruised and sore, right?

    If this is the case, I can now look at what gender identity is when significant to severe mental health issues are not in the way. Having read your account of your gender identity related experiences since elementary school, I got a feel for what gender identity means. For example, when you cut your hair short and the mailman called you “sir“, and you felt “elated like something fell into place“- it gave me a feel for what gender identity means. The elation was about the mailman seeing you the way you saw yourself: a guy.

    Having read today that you felt like a guy before you were sexually harassed in the 7th grade, led me to understand, for the first time, that your gender identity issue was not the result of being sexually harassed. That sexual harassment in school hurt you so much because, as I understand it, you saw him as a fellow-guy and thought that he too saw you as just another guy, but alas: he saw you as…  a girl.

    In the last two years of improving mental health, you understand that to be a guy does not mean to be an athletic and physically strong, so you are not driven to work out as much as you did before so to develop and keep muscles, and you are not driven to keep your body lean by restricting and over-exercising etc.. Your own definition of what it means to be a guy changed, it loosened.

    I looked at the National Center for Transgender Equality website. It explains things very clearly. It refers to gender identity as a person’s “innate knowledge” of one’s gender. For some it is male, for others it is female and yet for others, it is “neither male nor female, or.. a combination of male and female“.

    “There are a variety of terms that people who aren’t entirely male or entirely female use to describe their gender identity, like non-binary or genderqueer… People can realize that they’re transgender at any age”-

    -as a matter of fact, I don’t remember ever feeling comfortable being female. In my own mind, I identified with being a male ever since my early 20s, if not earlier. But I didn’t hate myself (for having been labeled female at birth and onward) as much as you expressed hating yourself. I just didn’t like being female. Most of the time I wore jeans, loose and comfortable clothes and sandals, little to no makeup, no high heels, and I kept my hair very short for many years. I did act girly, did not feel comfortable around women and felt relatively comfortable around men. I suppose I can label myself genderqueer with a tendency toward male. I think that the reason behind my gender identity being way more male than it is female, is that I didn’t like my mother (a woman). She was very dominant and abusive in regard to me. Maybe I wanted to be stronger than her, so to set myself free from her, and so, I identified with the gender considered stronger (male).  You shared that you don’t like your mother. Maybe you wanted since early on to be different from her, and different meant being  guy (?)

    Back to the website: “Gender identity and sexual orientation are two different things. Gender identity refers to your internal knowledge of your own gender… Sexual orientation has to do with whom you’re attracted to. Like non-transgender people, transgender people can have any sexual orientation…

    “Being gender non-conforming means not conforming to gender stereotypes. For example, someone’s clothes, hairstyle, speech patterns, or hobbies might be considered more ‘feminine’ or ‘masculine’ than what’s stereotypically associated with their gender. Gender non-conforming people may or may not be transgender… Similarly, transgender people may be gender non-conforming, or they might conform to gender stereotypes for the gender they live and identify as”-

    – I am definitely a gender non-conformist.

    “The belief that someone’s gender identity can be changed through therapy runs counter to the overwhelming consensus in the medical community. Telling someone that a core part of who they are is wrong or delusional and forcing them to change it is dangerous, sometimes leading to lasting depression, substance abuse, self-hatred and even suicide. Because of this, a growing number of states have made it illegal for licensed therapists to try to change a young person’s gender identity (laws apply to those under 18)…

    “For some transgender people, the difference between the gender they are thought to be at birth and the gender they know themselves to be can lead to serious emotional distress… Gender dysphoria is the medical diagnosis for someone who experiences this distress. Not all transgender people have gender dysphoria… Many transgender people do not experience serious anxiety or stress associated with the difference between their gender identity and their gender of birth, and so may not have gender dysphoria.

    “Gender dysphoria can often be relieved by expressing one’s gender in a way that the person is comfortable with. That can include dressing and grooming in a way that reflects who one knows they are, using a different name or pronoun, and, for some, taking medical steps to physically change their body. All major medical organizations in the United States recognize that living according to one’s gender identity is an effective, safe and medically necessary treatment for many people who have gender dysphoria.

    “It’s important to remember that while being transgender is not in itself an illness, many transgender people need to deal with physical and mental health problems because of widespread discrimination and stigma. Many transgender people live in a society that tells them that their deeply held identity is wrong or deviant… Many transgender people – especially transgender people who are accepted and valued in their communities – are able to live healthy and fulfilling lives”-

    my thoughts: transgender people, like cisgender people, suffer from all kinds of mental health issues, some that are not related to gender identity. Therefore, it’s important to NOT ASSUME (1) that ALL of a transgender person’s mental health issues are the result of their gender identity issue and related social discrimination, and (2) that all of a person’s mental health issues will be resolved following physical transitioning.

    I am guessing that this very topic is explored during the psychotherapy that is prescribed to transgenders as a condition to physical transitioning.  Amazing, Janus. I understand so much more today than I understood yesterday, thank you for your part in teaching me!

    anita

     

    #406358
    Janus
    Participant

     

     

    Dear Anita

     

     

    Transgender people have faced the stigma of identifying as transgender as being a mental illness since 1994 when the DSM-III (diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders) listed  it as a “gender identity disorder.” (Washington post). The term disorder in mental health tends to lead some people to believe that a person doesn’t fit into the normal order of things and cannot function as a normal person thinks; which has lead to much negative views on how people view of transgender people. However, many transgender activists have fought for trans rights saying that identifying as transgender isn’t a mental illness that impacts a person’s cognitive abilities. Many transgender people once they have transitioned into the gender they identify as feel gender euphoria which is the feeling of a sense of elatedness finally connecting with their body. Being transgender just means that the person’s mind feels that they are a gender identity other than the sex they are born as. Trans is latin meaning “opposite ” so transgender means a person who identifies as a gender opposite of their birth sex. Sex is the biological traits people are born as with females and males. Females produce eggs, can have children, and have wider hips than males who have sperm and cannot have children and grow facial hair as secondary sex characteristics because of testosterone rise in puberty while females develop breasts and start menstruation at puberty. Sex is determined by chromosomes while gender is how people identify. If a person born biological sexed girl identifies as a girl in her gender identity then she is cisgender meaning her gender identity matches her birth sex. Cis is latin for “same” so cisgender refers to people whose gender identity matches their birth sex.

     

    If a person identifies as male in gender identity but biologically sexed female then they are a transmale.

     

    Similarly if a person identifies as female but biologically born male, they are a transmale.

     

    In 2013, the DSM was revised and now the version DSM-IV no longer has transgender in as a mental illness, instead the intense anxiety and discomfort transgender people feel over their bodies called “gender dysphoria ” is now in the manual. Because many transgender people function well in society after they transition, being transgender is no longer seen as a mental illness but rather as a way people identify. The DSM-IV classifies gender dysphoria as a feeling of discomfort varying in intensity between people who identify as transgender. Some transgender people might experience extreme gender dysphoria over parts of their body that they feel don’t correspond to their gender identity. Such as a transmale will experience gender dysphoria over their breasts, hips, thighs because they don’t look masculine enough. One step in expressing their gender identity is social transitioning when they ask friends, schoolmates, or family to call them by a chosen name that better reflects their gender identity. During the social transitioning process, the transgender person might ask others to use different pronouns to indicate their gender identity. A transmale may start asking people to use he/him pronouns while a transfemale may ask a people to use she/her pronouns.

     

    Lately they/them pronouns have been added to merriam websters dictionary to refer to a singular person as well as a group. For some transgender people who have unsupportive family members they may ask their friends to use they/them pronouns as a safe guard. They/them pronouns are used by transgender people and nonbinary people. transgender people encompasses nonbinary people and gender-nonconforming people in the community because transgender is a wide term to describe a person whose gender identity doesn’t match society expectations or the sex they were born as. So in essence, transgender is a catch-all for everyone who doesn’t fit into the binary box of female and male. There are many different gender identities.

     

    Some include:

     

    -Transgender (a catch-all term for people whose gender identity doesn’t match their biological sex)

     

    -Neutrois (a french term meaning gender-neutral for someone who doesn’t identify as masculine or feminine)

     

    – gender-noncomforming (a person who doesn’t follow societal expectations of gender)

     

    -agender (a person who doesn’t identify as any gender)

     

    – gender fluid (a person who exhibits both masculine and feminine traits and can change depending on how they feel)

     

    -gender-neutral (a person who likes dressing as neither gender and enjoys the benefits of both)

     

    -Nonbinary (a person who doesn’t follow gender roles in society, sometimes people questioning their gender identity will identify as this until they explore more)

     

     

    Also in the gender identity community are intersex people who were born with extra or missing  sex chromosomes and have characteristics of both male and female sex. an intersex person might have both ovaries and testes for instance. Intersex is fairly rare, about 1.7 % of the population and most individuals are sterile (american progress).

     

     

    Sadly society tends to think that people who don’t fit into the gender identity of society sometimes have a disorder but with more awareness things have changed. Transgender rights is becoming more common with people like Elliot Page, Laverne Cox, and Chaz Bono helping promote activism. Many transgender people seek to medically transition to alleviate their gender dysphoria and it can significantly improve their self-esteem. The transgender community has high risks of suicide compared to other people in the lgbtq community at 43%. Transgender  people have been around in history; sumerian and akkadian texts from 4500 years ago document priests who were likely to be transgender (Wikipedia).

     

     

     

     

     

     

    #406359
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Janus:

    I will reply to you Wed morning.

    anita

    #406370
    Janus
    Participant

    More to add:

    Studies show that transgender people are 15% more likely to develop eating disorders like anorexia or restrictive eating because of trauma from not being valued as their gender identity (eating disorders hope). Many transgender people develop eating disorders as unhealthy coping mechanisms as a way to control how their bodies look. Transmales might limit food intake, steadily avoiding certain foods until it becomes very restrictive and they become anorexic as they try to look more masculine whereas transfemales might eat more trying to look more feminine. Sometimes labeling the anxiety as gender dysphoria makes it more prominent and it’s often very difficult to cope with the feeling of not belonging in one’s body. The discomfort may be quite intense that labeling it just makes it worse. But having a label can be helpful because it allows people to better understand where to look for resources to help. People can identify as transgender at any age and some people might realize it at younger stages than others based on what access to information about gender knowledge they have. For some people who are questioning their gender identity, many gender therapists tell the person to work out internal trauma first so they have a better sense of self because internalized trauma can have negative effects on people’s health. Once people work through shadow work and heal with therapy, lgbtq support groups, reiki, yoga, or other things they start to reevaluate things. then the gender therapist talks about how they feel if they are more comfortable as another gender than the sex they were born as. Transgender people will often say they feel more comfortable as the opposite gender from their biological sex. The gender therapist might ask the person to join local trans groups and meet other trans people to hear their experiences and better understand things. The gender therapist might ask the person to present as their gender identity in a safe space over time like a year to see how they feel. In my case, I was very happy using he/him pronouns for a year at stockton university and being a guy while helping out at the farm. I learned a lot about toxic masculinity and how people sometimes fall into the trap and learned that men can be creative, they don’t have to be strong or muscular, they don’t have to look like a bodybuilder and they can be compassionate. My lgbtq friends at stockton university have been looking on gc2b a place that sells transgender binders to help bind the chest. The gc2b binders are designed for trans people and are good quality. They sometimes give free raffles for binders and they last quite long and are quite comfortable. Trans tape binds the chest too and is often used by transmales when going outside like swimming where a binder can be restrictive. Some trans tape varieties are much better than others but there’s always the potential of the trans tape getting stuck on skin so many trans people recommend using baby oil to help loosen the tape and then letting it dry to reuse. Most trans tapes can only be used for a week before they start fraying and need to be thrown out. Binders tend to last longer but the nylon for binding along with the cotton layer sometimes traps heat so it can be quite hot in summer months which is why “binder breaks” are recommended to let skin cool. Trans tape is more breathable and can be used during workouts but it’s advisable to remove binders when working out because sometimes  the binder will stretch and not bind as well.

    Many doctors will prescribe puberty blockers for people under 18 who feel like they don’t identify with the gender of their birth sex. Puberty blockers stop the onset of puberty so that the person won’t develop secondary sex characteristics like that of breasts for females or have facial hair like males. The effects aren’t permanent and they allow the person to grow up, learn more about things before making decisions.

    Testosterone will make a person’s voice deeper. The average make has 70mg of testosterone so when transmales decide to go on testosterone they do bloodwork to determine how much testosterone they need and that will be safe for them because excess testosterone can sometimes be converted to estrogen. Likewise, transmales will be more likely to have temperature fluctuations because of more blood cells and more likelihood of building muscle mass so they might feel hotter especially in the summer months. With careful moderation of testosterone there won’t be much of risks for heart attacks or strokes, also eating a balanced diet helps. Testosterone might make a person feel hungrier so it’s important to plan meals ahead of time because if cooking while hungry then people eat more leading to more belly fat. Some changes that are permanent include infertility and vaginal dryness because the testosterone interferes with the ovaries ability to produce estrogen. Some doctors ask transmales if they want to preserve their eggs before going on testosterone because they won’t be able to have kids after about six weeks on testosterone. But freezing their eggs can give transmales more gender dysphoria because they have to take more estrogen to allow their bodies to release the eggs to be collected and since most transmales don’t really plan to have kids they don’t go with this option. Furthermore, testosterone does boost energy and libido which can make a person happier but it won’t have deep side effects like change your personality so much. For example a shy person might feel more upbeat at meeting new people but they won’t automatically become an extrovert. And testosterone has been shown to cause mood swings which is why gender therapists often have transmales check in every now and then to check things. However, most of the time transmales are happy when they start testosterone because it makes them feel like they are starting to have their bodies match their gender identity. Most transmales starting testosterone will experience a boost in self-esteem because they feel better about themselves.

    I feel that you are a gender-nonconformist. Since you don’t hate being female but you enjoy being with the guys more than the females. I feel that everyone has a degree of gender polarity since gender is a spectrum and people tend to have different views sometimes leaning more towards one gender than the other.

    Sadly my mom wasn’t really appreciated by her grandmother because she was born in fuzhou, china in the 1960s and they valued men more.

    The lgbtq community isn’t really talked about much in asian cultures but it exists. mulan has been a great inspiration for the trans community and there are some stories believing mulan might be transgender. My parents haven’t been the best teachers, often getting impatient with not learning things the first time. They aren’t very emotionally supportive probably because in asian cultures mental health isn’t really talked about as much, it’s still quite has a stigma. Which is why there are often repressed feelings in asian families that carry on to their children and they carry the hurt. My gender therapist gave me a book titled “healing the shame that binds you” and it talks about how shame can be passed down and entrenched in generations of family members and how children can work on healing and breaking the cycle. I love to learn about reiki, meditation and enjoying nature, medicinal plants and feel like i’m working on healing things. I’ve let go of some of the shame from being hurt and things and forgave myself. In my trauma making not the best of decisions, repressing emotions, dissociating from the world not really acknowledging emotions because i was taught to repress them and now healing uncovering things.

    Hugs Anita. Thanks for all your insights

    #406387
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Janus:

    Hugs back to you. I think that I told you before and I’ll say it again (in regard to the first of your two recent posts, which I read slowly and attentively): you have an amazing skill and talent explaining a topic clearly and thoroughly!

    It so happens that in my social circle there is a father whose preteen child identifies as trans-male and insists that their father uses the pronoun they. The father respects his trans-male preteen’s preferences, but is somewhat troubled about it all. I talked to him before and mentioned you and what you taught me. When I talk to him next, I will be able to explain more and maybe help him understand better.

    Binders and tapes read like very uncomfortable, especially when the weather is hot and humid. I didn’t know of puberty blockers until you mentioned it. I just read more about it in Wikipedia: “<b>Puberty blockers</b>, also called <b>puberty inhibitors</b> or <b>hormone blockers</b>, are medicines used to postpone puberty in children… Delaying or temporarily suspending puberty is a medical treatment for children whose puberty started abnormally early (precocious puberty)… for children with idiopathic short stature… (and)  sometimes prescribed to young transgender people,  to… allow patients more time to solidify their gender identity, without developing secondary sex characteristics.<sup id=”cite_ref-Alegría_2016_5-1″ class=”reference”></sup> If a child later decides not to transition to another gender the medication can be stopped, allowing puberty to proceed“-

    – The last sentence in the above quote, the one I italicized, I think that it mean that puberty blockers may be prescribed for preteens who identify as transgenders but who do not suffer from gender dysphoria, so to prevent possible gender dysphoria?

    I feel that you are a gender-nonconformist. Since you don’t hate being female but you enjoy being with the guys more than the females. I feel that everyone has a degree of gender polarity since gender is a spectrum“- a spectrum indeed and I am not on any one extreme part of the spectrum.  I think and feel that you are correct: I am a gender-nonconformist.  If I ever talk with the preteen I mentioned, or if I ever talk with (I would like to) the adult trans-woman who frequents a place I frequent, I will identify myself as… a gender-nonconformist, sounds totally cool!

    My gender therapist gave me a book titled ‘healing the shame that binds you’ and it talks about how shame can be passed down and entrenched in generations … “- I read the book too  and it was a most meaningful book to me at the time.

    In my trauma, making not the best of decisions, repressing emotions, dissociating from the world“-  this makes me think of a quote from the John Bradshaw’s book that you mentioned: “Hell, in my opinion, is never finding your true self and never living your own life or knowing who you are.<i>”</i>

    I’ve let go of some of the shame from being hurt and things and forgave myself“-  excellent! You came a long way since you first posted in this thread, back in Dec 30, 2015, 9:20 pm (your time)!!!

    anita

    #406388
    anita
    Participant

    I’ll try to edit out the excess print:

    Dear Janus:

    Hugs back to you. I think that I told you before and I’ll say it again (in regard to the first of your two recent posts, which I read slowly and attentively): you have an amazing skill and talent explaining a topic clearly and thoroughly!

    It so happens that in my social circle there is a father whose preteen child identifies as trans-male and insists that their father uses the pronoun they. The father respects his trans-male preteen’s preferences, but is somewhat troubled about it all. I talked to him before and mentioned you and what you taught me. When I talk to him next, I will be able to explain more and maybe help him understand better.

    Binders and tapes read like very uncomfortable, especially when the weather is hot and humid. I didn’t know of puberty blockers until you mentioned it. I just read more about it in Wikipedia: “Puberty blockers, also called puberty inhibitors or hormone blockers, are medicines used to postpone puberty in children… Delaying or temporarily suspending puberty is a medical treatment for children whose puberty started abnormally early (precocious puberty)… for children with idiopathic short stature… (and)  sometimes prescribed to young transgender people,  to… allow patients more time to solidify their gender identity, without developing secondary sex characteristics. If a child later decides not to transition to another gender the medication can be stopped, allowing puberty to proceed“-

    – The last sentence in the above quote, the one I italicized, I think that it mean that puberty blockers may be prescribed for preteens who identify as transgenders but who do not suffer from gender dysphoria, so to prevent possible gender dysphoria?

    I feel that you are a gender-nonconformist. Since you don’t hate being female but you enjoy being with the guys more than the females. I feel that everyone has a degree of gender polarity since gender is a spectrum“- a spectrum indeed and I am not on any one extreme part of the spectrum.  I think and feel that you are correct: I am a gender-nonconformist.  If I ever talk with the preteen I mentioned, or if I ever talk with (I would like to) the adult trans-woman who frequents a place I frequent, I will identify myself as… a gender-nonconformist, sounds totally cool!

    My gender therapist gave me a book titled ‘healing the shame that binds you’ and it talks about how shame can be passed down and entrenched in generations … “- I read the book too  and it was a most meaningful book to me at the time.

    In my trauma, making not the best of decisions, repressing emotions, dissociating from the world“-  this makes me think of a quote from the John Bradshaw’s book that you mentioned: “Hell, in my opinion, is never finding your true self and never living your own life or knowing who you are.”

    I’ve let go of some of the shame from being hurt and things and forgave myself“-  excellent! You came a long way since you first posted in this thread, back in Dec 30, 2015, 9:20 pm (your time)!!!

    anita

    #407797
    Janus
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    Sending healing and positive thoughts to the child identifying as a transmale. hoping that their parents will provide them support and kindness as they work on their journey in discovering themselves.  Having family support for transgender children can help them lower than anxiety and depression. Since transgender people experience bullying and hateful violence, having supportive family might allow them to build mental resilience and lower their traumatic experiences. Parents provide stable foundations for children to grow and learn skills as they prepare to go out into the world and having a supportive base might help boost a child’s self-esteem more to express themselves. Oftentimes if transgender people are in unsupportive homes and they are getting bullied in school, they may start to internalize feelings of trauma and develop high levels of anxiety and depression. Sadly, many parents don’t accept their child’s gender identity as transgender and this leads to transgender people having higher suicide rates 43% compared to other members of the lgbtq community. Although, parental support will not cause  transgender people to not develop anxiety or depression  it can go a long way in reducing the anxiety levels and feelings of internal trauma transgender people may face. Currently there have been parent support groups for parents who are working on understanding how their children feel as they are working on their gender identity. Parents may feel confused, isolated, in denial, angry or accepting. These differences are based on the parents’ main beliefs and values and some may be more accepting than others. Transgender people who feel comfortable talking with their parents develop better relationships with them and tend to be more self-confident when socially transitioning. When socially transitioning, the transgender person will ask to be identified by their preferred pronouns he/they for transmales, she/her for transfemales and they/them for nonbinary and other gendernonconforming individuals. Studies have shown that transgender people experience a significant improvement in their mental health when socially accepted and they have people use their preferred pronouns. During the time of social transitioning, the transgender person may start to live as their gender identity. this time they tend to have high gender dysphoria because they feel discomfort with their physical bodies that don’t match their gender identity. But during this time, counseling is very important for the parents and the person identifying as transgender to help them with their mental health. Sometimes during this socially transitioning process as they come out to friends, family and school and if they have a supportive environment they are likely to have lower suicide rates. However, transgender people still deal with discrimination since 20-40% of transgender youth often find themselves homeless due to lack of family support and being kicked out of their homes. That’s why some transgender people choose to stay in the closet and not tell their family but this can have long term negative effects on their mental health because they are not being able to express their feelings and they will later have higher risks of depression. this is why it’s important to support transgender people and be compassionate to them.

     

    Binders are made of nylon which can help bind and compress things. They help ease the gender dysphoria for transmales. But nylon traps heat so in the summer months it can be hot when wearing a binder. wearing a loose cotton shirt can help because the loose cotton shirt allows air to pass and helps the person feel cooler. most binders have a nylon layer for binding and a cotton layer for comfort. gc2b is a company that sells binders for transmales. wearing a binder can significantly improve mental health and alleviate gender dysphoria. Some transmales wear trans tape when they go swimming because it’s less restrictive but trans tape sometimes sticks to skin after long periods because of sweat so it can be hard to remove which is why having baby oil can help remove it. trans tape is mostly used by transmales who don’t have a large chest size whereas chest binders are used by all transmales and sometimes nonbinary identifying people to make their bodies appear not in a binary gender.

     

    Puberty blockers are used for transgender people who have not reached puberty yet. Many psychologists believe that the child starts to acknowledge their gender at age 5 which is the youngest someone can identify as transgender. When someone is younger than 18 and identifies as transgender, doctors may prescribe puberty blockers to stop or slow the onset of puberty so the person doesn’t develop the sexual differentiate characteristics at puberty for biological males or biological females. Puberty blockers allow the child to develop and consider whether they still want to continue with the transition as they get older. If they do, then doctors may refer them to a gender therapist who helps them work our mental health issues and a writes them a note to visit a nurse practitioner to get lab tests and blood work to see how much hormone levels are in the body and how much they should have. For biological males, they have about 70mg of testosterone in their bodies and when getting the lab done with blood work, a transmale will have their doctor prescribe hormone therapy with testosterone injections to raise their testosterone levels in their body to 70mg which is average for a biological male. Testosterone is a steroid hormone meaning it is lipid soluble and can cross cell membranes easily. Testosterone acts on target receptors in the cell and it gets carried throughout the body via the bloodstream. Testosterone can boost energy, help improve bone density, raise blood pressure (so people feel less cold which can be a good thing, but too much can cause feeling too hot in summer), and weight redistribution (meaning that it helps redistribute fat on hips to other parts of the body and helps tone things making it easier to build muscle),. Testosterone also results in a voice cracking as the voice becomes more deeper pitched, and it allows for secondary male sex characteristics such as facial hair. Most transgender males who get on testosterone feel improved mental health and are much happier.

     

    A gender-nonconformist is a person who has a creative gender expression not following set societal rules of binary female or male. instead of being pink or blue, they tend to be purple and enjoy being outside the box expressing their creativity.

     

    Books are quite fun to relax and read. I have been reading more books about herbs like chamomile, basil, peppermint, marigold, pennyroyal, queen annes  lace and other medicinal herbs. nature is filled with quite amazing things.

    Sometimes I still have memories that I repressed come back that haven’t healed and I find myself doubting myself again. But I take a breath and enjoy nature, study the environment and learn the cool geography and it helps me enjoy the little things. and i am starting to not beat myself up for things that i couldn’t control or didn’t do well. i’m starting to rebuild and work on learning ways to speak up for myself even though it’s still hard and sometimes i still feel like i am not the best at setting healthy boundaries. i do have some regrets about things but i realized that i didn’t really make the best decisions at the time because i was so lost and didn’t know myself. i tried to work through what i thought would be something that would be helpful for me but in the end i started realizing that i was chasing after things without really taking a step back to fully reflect on me and now i’m starting to enjoy nature, studying things along the way and rebuilding myself and healing.

     

     

    https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.643823/full

     

    https://transequality.org/issues/housing-homelessness

    #407801
    Janus
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Happy October Anita, wishing you a great month</p>

    #407802
    Janus
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Happy October Anita wishing you a great month</p>
     

     

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