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  • #445760
    anita
    Participant

    Testing…

    #445761
    anita
    Participant

    Transcending suffering… What does it mean to you?

    anita

    #445817
    Peter
    Participant

    For me the word Transcendence is associated with a notion of ‘rising above’ that is also connected to the word G_d – Eternal Present – experience that transcends measurements judgments and language. An experience of silence in noise, stillness in motion and darkness is light. – “So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.” – TS Eliot

    We Transcend – ‘rise above’ – ourselves (past, trauma, ego) though exercises like being in nature, meditation, prayer, contemplation… connecting one to the Eternal Present if only for a moment. An experience recognizing the web of life and connection of All.

    A return from a transcendent experience often involves a profound sense of Compassion. The energy from which we can engage in the practice of detachment which I view as a method of creating healthy boundaries (bridges) between the transcendent, our experiences, suffering, ourselves and others.

    #445825
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Peter:

    “An experience of silence in noise, stillness in motion and darkness is light.”- presence in absence, peace in chaos, strength in surrender.

    I would never think of strength in surrender. I always thought it was weak to surrender. I am now thinking, surrendering- if done for the greater good- is a strength. Having the bigger picture in mind, bigger than the me-me-me ego.

    Ego Transcendence (ET, lol)

    anita

    #445842
    anita
    Participant

    Almost Noon-Time Stream of Consciousness Writing-

    Lately, I’ve been reflecting on how, in the past, I sometimes came across as confrontational and harsh in tone, more corrective than collaborative, even when that was not my intent.

    I’m learning to change this.

    I’m learning to Transcend this tendency and communication style—to approach conversations with more openness, softness, and intentionality instead of impulsively.

    I realize that my directness and intensity may have influenced others to mirror that same harsh tone and confrontational approach toward me. While I know that I am not responsible for others’ words or actions, I want to become more aware of how I contribute to the dynamics of negative interactions.

    If my mother were here, reading this thread, this would have been a precious opportunity for her to lash out at me, saying something like: “So you admit it! You ARE harsh and confrontational! I told you all along that you are BAD, and I was right—see?”

    And from there, she would continue, listing all the ways she believes I made her life miserable.

    This is why it has been so difficult for me to accept any form of criticism—even when it was gentle and appropriate. Over time, I learned to associate criticism with an invitation for further abuse, a cycle that made it nearly impossible to separate constructive feedback from harmful attacks.

    I’m working on rewiring that association—so that I can receive feedback without fear, without anticipating pain, and without the weight of past wounds coloring my perception.

    Having said that, I have no doubt that there are people—like my mother—who will never relinquish their aggression toward me, no matter what I say or how honestly I express myself. Some remain rigid in their perception, unwilling to shift their view of me, trapped in their own judgment.

    People like my mother would not—could not—refuse to listen, unwilling to recognize or acknowledge anything good about me.

    The tragedy of my life has been exactly that—a good little girl, forever seen as a bad person by her own mother.

    Being told to “get over it” (as I mentioned in my other thread) severely minimizes the lasting impact of a decades-long experience—a child’s relationship with her mother, shaped in isolation because she was the only parental figure in practice, and there were no positive outside influences—no supportive family members, teachers, neighbors—her words and actions became an unyielding force, defining my world without contrast or refuge.

    To dismiss that experience so casually is to overlook the depth and permanence of its imprint.

    have three childhood memories of receiving support:

    My aunt Suzi’s kindness—though she never confronted her sister, my mother.

    My uncle Moris’s attention—that one time he asked me what I felt or thought about something. No one had ever asked me that before.

    Rosie, the neighbor, who protested against something my mother was doing to me, saying: “This is not good for her.” I remember her exact words because, before that moment, no one had ever expressed care about what was good or not good for me.

    But these moments were not enough to counter or offset the overwhelming influence my mother had on my psyche.

    Bringing it back to the present, I am doing my very best to continue to heal from that overwhelming negative influence. My healing efforts are working, and criticism will not accelerate the process—in fact, it can only hurt me, slowing my progress or even halting it entirely.

    I grew up receiving so much criticism—or rather, growing inward, as I withdrew from life—that more of it could never do me any good.

    However, honest, constructive, and gentle feedback about how I come across to you is different from criticism. That, I welcome.

    anita

    #445845
    anita
    Participant

    Late Evening Stream of Consciousness Writing, Whatever comes to Mind:

    My goal is to be reunited with myself, following decades-long Fragmentation, a fracture within myself.

    I just want me back. I want Integration.

    From Repression and Suppression to Expression.

    To befriend the estranged me.

    Sadly, my fragmentation, self-estrangement, is not unique to me. I see fragmented, self-estranged people every day in real life (in between my online almost-noon streams of consciousness writings and evening writings). I see people yearning to reconnect with themselves.

    The fracture within oneself is real, a universal problem which makes any kind of sense of belonging very attractive, such as a life of crime or terrorism. If a person feels a sense of belonging within a gang or a terrorist group, a sense of reconnection with oneself- then that’s the way, all the way to destruction.

    I see the fracture originating in childhood: the child needing the parent, but the parent has other priorities, or personal hurts and unfinished business that turns them away from, or against their own child, in one way or another.

    The result: a child, shocked. Traumatized. Fragmented.

    And the parent may not be able to do any better for their child, fragmented themselves. And the tragedy continues from one generation to the next.

    And so it goes, so it is.

    anita

    #445847
    anita
    Participant

    Early Morning Thoughts: When a person feels fragmented within, they search for external belonging to fill the void. That deep need for connection and meaning can drive people toward healthy or destructive paths.

    * Constructive belonging – Finding a sense of self through authentic relationships, creativity, purpose-driven work, and emotional healing.

    * Destructive belonging – A search for connection within toxic relationships, gangs, or ideological movements that replace personal identity with group identity.

    These groups demand absolute allegiance, making individuals feel powerful only within their structure, reinforcing an Us vs. Them mentality that labels outsiders as enemies or inferior, further solidifying loyalty within the group.

    They offer a clear mission—whether political, religious, or cultural—that instills a sense of purpose and importance, even when that purpose leads to harmful actions (e.g., Houthis, Hamas, ISIS, and others).

    The journey from self-fragmentation to integration is a path toward transcending suffering of the individual and of society. True belonging comes from self-acceptance, from choosing environments that encourage growth and authenticity rather than blind allegiance.

    Transcending suffering is not about escaping pain, but moving through it with awareness—learning that healing comes from self-reunion, self-expression, and self-trust, rather than suppression or avoidance.

    anita

    #445868
    Alessa
    Participant

    Hi Everyone

    I appreciate all of the unique perspectives on transcendence. There are many wonderful insights offered. ❤️

    Anita, you are doing some incredible work! It is not easy what you are doing. It speaks to the growth of your self-love. ❤️

    My perspective is reflective of the work that I’m currently doing at the moment.

    Working on mental flexibility and digging deeper into some Buddhism. Specifically the three unwholesome roots; aversion / hatred, delusion / ignorance and attachment / greed) and the antidotes the three wholesome roots loving kindness, wisdom and generosity.

    This approach isn’t for everyone, but it appeals to me right now.

    There is an idea of citta (mental states) being karmic. To put it very loosely… emotional states which are viewed positively like compassion, joy, generosity etc generate good karma and mental states based on unwholesome roots create bad karma.

    Training mental flexibility involves considering things from multiple perspectives and challenging negative thoughts to create a more balanced perspective.

    #445869
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Alessa:

    I will reply further in the morning, but for now: I have this feeling that something is wrong: it’s been days since ALL the Original Posts in ALL of the threads since the start of the forums in 2013, all have disappeared. When a new member recently started her own thread, her original post did not show up. There was no notification or update from the website about this.. so, this is very strange.

    anita

    #445870
    anita
    Participant

    * I just sent an email to the website owner, Lori Deschene, I wrote: “I wanted to reach out regarding a major issue on the forums—all original posts, dating back to 2013, have disappeared, and new posts are not appearing either. This sudden loss of content is concerning, especially since there hasn’t been an announcement or explanation.
    Could you provide any insight into what happened? Is this a temporary issue, a planned change, or an accidental data loss? If there’s a way to recover past discussions, I know many members would appreciate it.
    Looking forward to your response. Thank you for your time.”-

    It will be interesting to see what happens next.

    anita

    #445872
    anita
    Participant

    Sunday Evening stream-of-Consciousness Writing: I can’t save others. I can only save myself, if I can. Can I?

    The world is so very messed up that no way do I have the power to fix it.

    Am I being negative or just realistic.

    Realistic, I think.

    So, what am I to do?

    To tell you that I love you so.

    Wait, what.. what did you just say?

    Love. This is what it’s all about. Loving you and you loving me back.

    It’s about me being 100% worthy of your trust, your love.

    There is no Love without Trust.

    Who is saying this?

    Me.

    Here, I am typing these words. Who is reading? Who is listening? Who cares?

    anita

    #445880
    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    I would never think of strength in surrender“. Recognizing I think that Transcendence involves a experience of surrender as a act of strength and not one of giving up, but that the line between to two is a thin one.

    I recall something Jung said about someone needing a healthy ego before they can surrender (let go/flow) ones ego. A healthy ego having the strength to trust and surrender itself to life as it is. A notion that I ‘know’ as a Truth yet continue to struggle with.

    Sometimes I imagine how a Maple tree surrenders to the wind… a light breeze bringing its leafs to a flutter and caressing its bark. How good that must feel. Even the stronger winds that tests the trees roots an branches ability to flex and bend must feel good. I imagine that the tree knows the wind will sometimes be to strong for it, that no amount of bending will prevent a loss of branches and eventually one day bring the tree down. I imagine sometimes the tree feeling the loss of a branch and watching as it lays on the ground then witnessing new life, if different life, arising from the fallen beach. That also feeling good if bitter sweet. Its the bitter sweet I think were the strength of the surrender resides. Just maybe when were still the space to feel the moments of the breeze caress.

    A friend of mine teaches yoga to seniors, and she would tell me about one the ladies, 95, never missing a class with wonderful posture… My friends eyes lighting up as she talked about how inspired she was by this woman. A few weeks ago the woman fell and broke her hip and didn’t survive the stay in the hospital as such things tend to end. I could see the grief in my friends eyes as she me. I sensed that my friend wasn’t sure if she had a right to feel sad… and I wish I would have talked about how blessed we are when our lives cross paths with such people if for a short time. That the feelings in such moments of loss are complex and that its right to mourn someone as a act of witness. How oddly the experience of grief calls out memories of gratefulness. A surrender to the breeze of life though the leaves? It saddens me that in our fear we sometimes don’t allow for such grief and instead hold it back.

    I digress. What does it mean for surrender to be strength? It takes strength to know what is ours and what isn’t – surrendering to the Yes.

    #445893
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Alessa, Peter, Everyone:

    Your post, Alessa, encouraged me to research and come to this understanding: Buddhism teaches that three negative qualities—aversion (hatred), delusion (ignorance), and attachment (greed)—cause suffering. These are called the three unwholesome roots because they lead to bad karma, meaning negative consequences in life.

    To counter these, Buddhism encourages practicing their opposites:

    * Loving-kindness (Metta) to replace hatred—showing compassion and patience instead of anger.

    * Wisdom (Paññā) to replace ignorance—learning and seeing things clearly instead of being confused.

    * Generosity (Dāna) to replace greed—sharing and letting go instead of clinging to things.

    By focusing on kindness, wisdom, and generosity, a person creates good karma, leading to a more peaceful and fulfilling life.

    Karma is the idea that our actions, thoughts, and intentions shape our future experiences. If we act with kindness and honesty, we create good karma, which brings positive results. If we act with anger or selfishness, we create bad karma, which leads to suffering.

    Buddhism teaches that even our mental states—like joy, compassion, or anger—affect karma. Positive emotions bring good karma, while negative emotions bring bad karma. This is why Buddhism encourages mindfulness and self-awareness, so we can shape our thoughts in a way that leads to happiness.

    *** Anger 😠🔥, in Buddhism, is generally seen as harmful because it leads to suffering. It is one of the three poisons that cloud the mind and cause negative karma. However, Buddhism does not say that anger itself is evil—it recognizes that anger is a natural human emotion. The key is how we handle it.

    Uncontrolled anger leads to harm, both to ourselves and others. It can make us act in ways we regret.

    Mindful anger can be useful if it motivates us to stand up against injustice or protect ourselves and others. Some Buddhist traditions teach that anger can be transformed into determination and wisdom, helping us take positive action instead of reacting destructively.

    Buddhism does not teach that a person should submit to abuse for the sake of peace. While Buddhism values non-violence and compassion, it also teaches self-respect and wisdom.

    The Buddha taught that suffering should not be accepted passively—instead, we should seek understanding and solutions.

    If someone is being abused, Buddhism encourages them to protect themselves and seek help rather than endure harm. Forgiveness is important, but it does not mean allowing abuse to continue. True peace comes from ending suffering, not accepting mistreatment.

    Thank you, Alessa!

    I see surrender as a central theme in your post—one that reflects strength and acceptance rather than passive defeat. You highlight that true surrender requires resilience and trust, much like a tree standing firm in a storm.

    What Can We Trust?

    Trust in life itself—its cycles, changes, and unknowns. Having faith in life’s unfolding, even when we can’t control the outcome. Knowing that everything evolves, and that pain and loss, too, will transform into something new.

    Trust in inner strength—believing in our ability to endure struggles and emerge wiser.

    Trust in meaning—recognizing that even grief and loss carry significance, shaping us, teaching us, and deepening our appreciation for what remains.

    Your maple tree metaphor beautifully illustrates that surrender isn’t passive—it’s an act of allowing rather than resisting the natural flow of life. Instead of clinging in fear, surrender enables us to engage with change rather than be crushed by it.

    Your closing thought—“It takes strength to know what is ours and what isn’t—surrendering to the Yes”—captures this idea perfectly. Surrender isn’t about losing control; it’s about choosing where to focus our energy, recognizing what is meant to be embraced and what must be let go.

    To surrender is to embrace change, and to embrace our emotions, rather than suppress them. Even the most difficult emotions hold valuable insights and should be honored, not rejected. In doing so, we affirm our strength and awareness, allowing us to make choices that align with our values and growth.

    Thank you, Peter!

    anita

    #445898
    anita
    Participant

    Early afternoon Stream of Consciousness:

    Today, I want to transcend my lifelong guilt and discomfort in regard to FEELING anger and about expressing it in any way, however non- abusively. I think that my anger persisted simply because it was rejected by me. Encouraged by Alessa’s and Peter’s posts right above, I want t embrace my anger, to welcome it home:

    Dear Anger:

    I am so sorry for rejecting you decade after decade, for labeling you BAD when you were never bad. You were justified, you always carried a positive message: to help me, and to help others, to promote what is right and fair and just, 😊🙏✨💖 anger!

    I understand that now that I accept and embrace you, you can relax your hold on past events.

    We can let go of what happened on the other thread, page 3 of its current 8 pages..?

    Yes, anger, I understand, and I fully agree with you: I was clearly disrespected, dismissed and accused of what I was not guilty of. It was indeed unfair to me and it was uncalled for. The offender did not apologize ever since, likely not seeing herself as the offender on that day. But it’s time to let go. There will always be people who will not take responsibility for the harmful effect of their words and actions. No point in endlessly waiting for them to acknowledge responsibility.

    All I can and should do is be to others what I wish others would be to me; responsible, accountable, part of what is good: Loving-kindness (Metta)- focusing on compassion and patience, Wisdom (Paññā)- seeing things clearly, and Generosity (Dāna).

    anita

    #445900
    anita
    Participant

    Vulnerability is not an invitation for criticism; it is a brave act of self-expression. I therefore welcome your vulnerability- Alessa, Peter, anyone reading this. I will not attack you because you are vulnerable.

    What I just stated above is in the core of what abuse is about: attacking the vulnerable at their moments of expressed vulnerability.

    As difficult as it is for me to acknowledge, I did the same: As a 10-year-old, or so, I hit my much younger sister simply because she was smaller and weaker. I didn’t dare to asserting myself against my big and strong mother (at the time), or attack her, so I assaulted my vulnerable, innocent sister.

    It didn’t follow reflection. It was an instinctual response to my own abused vulnerability. And of course, I regret it deeply.

    anita

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