Almost Noon-Time Stream of Consciousness Writing-

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on how, in the past, I sometimes came across as confrontational and harsh in tone, more corrective than collaborative, even when that was not my intent.

I’m learning to change this.

I’m learning to Transcend this tendency and communication style—to approach conversations with more openness, softness, and intentionality instead of impulsively.

I realize that my directness and intensity may have influenced others to mirror that same harsh tone and confrontational approach toward me. While I know that I am not responsible for others’ words or actions, I want to become more aware of how I contribute to the dynamics of negative interactions.

If my mother were here, reading this thread, this would have been a precious opportunity for her to lash out at me, saying something like: “So you admit it! You ARE harsh and confrontational! I told you all along that you are BAD, and I was right—see?”

And from there, she would continue, listing all the ways she believes I made her life miserable.

This is why it has been so difficult for me to accept any form of criticism—even when it was gentle and appropriate. Over time, I learned to associate criticism with an invitation for further abuse, a cycle that made it nearly impossible to separate constructive feedback from harmful attacks.

I’m working on rewiring that association—so that I can receive feedback without fear, without anticipating pain, and without the weight of past wounds coloring my perception.

Having said that, I have no doubt that there are people—like my mother—who will never relinquish their aggression toward me, no matter what I say or how honestly I express myself. Some remain rigid in their perception, unwilling to shift their view of me, trapped in their own judgment.

People like my mother would not—could not—refuse to listen, unwilling to recognize or acknowledge anything good about me.

The tragedy of my life has been exactly that—a good little girl, forever seen as a bad person by her own mother.

Being told to “get over it” (as I mentioned in my other thread) severely minimizes the lasting impact of a decades-long experience—a child’s relationship with her mother, shaped in isolation because she was the only parental figure in practice, and there were no positive outside influences—no supportive family members, teachers, neighbors—her words and actions became an unyielding force, defining my world without contrast or refuge.

To dismiss that experience so casually is to overlook the depth and permanence of its imprint.

have three childhood memories of receiving support:

My aunt Suzi’s kindness—though she never confronted her sister, my mother.

My uncle Moris’s attention—that one time he asked me what I felt or thought about something. No one had ever asked me that before.

Rosie, the neighbor, who protested against something my mother was doing to me, saying: “This is not good for her.” I remember her exact words because, before that moment, no one had ever expressed care about what was good or not good for me.

But these moments were not enough to counter or offset the overwhelming influence my mother had on my psyche.

Bringing it back to the present, I am doing my very best to continue to heal from that overwhelming negative influence. My healing efforts are working, and criticism will not accelerate the process—in fact, it can only hurt me, slowing my progress or even halting it entirely.

I grew up receiving so much criticism—or rather, growing inward, as I withdrew from life—that more of it could never do me any good.

However, honest, constructive, and gentle feedback about how I come across to you is different from criticism. That, I welcome.

anita

Early Morning Thoughts: When a person feels fragmented within, they search for external belonging to fill the void. That deep need for connection and meaning can drive people toward healthy or destructive paths.

* Constructive belonging – Finding a sense of self through authentic relationships, creativity, purpose-driven work, and emotional healing.

* Destructive belonging – A search for connection within toxic relationships, gangs, or ideological movements that replace personal identity with group identity.

These groups demand absolute allegiance, making individuals feel powerful only within their structure, reinforcing an Us vs. Them mentality that labels outsiders as enemies or inferior, further solidifying loyalty within the group.

They offer a clear mission—whether political, religious, or cultural—that instills a sense of purpose and importance, even when that purpose leads to harmful actions (e.g., Houthis, Hamas, ISIS, and others).

The journey from self-fragmentation to integration is a path toward transcending suffering of the individual and of society. True belonging comes from self-acceptance, from choosing environments that encourage growth and authenticity rather than blind allegiance.

Transcending suffering is not about escaping pain, but moving through it with awareness—learning that healing comes from self-reunion, self-expression, and self-trust, rather than suppression or avoidance.

anita

Dear Alessa:

I will reply further in the morning, but for now: I have this feeling that something is wrong: it’s been days since ALL the Original Posts in ALL of the threads since the start of the forums in 2013, all have disappeared. When a new member recently started her own thread, her original post did not show up. There was no notification or update from the website about this.. so, this is very strange.

anita

Sunday Evening stream-of-Consciousness Writing: I can’t save others. I can only save myself, if I can. Can I?

The world is so very messed up that no way do I have the power to fix it.

Am I being negative or just realistic.

Realistic, I think.

So, what am I to do?

To tell you that I love you so.

Wait, what.. what did you just say?

Love. This is what it’s all about. Loving you and you loving me back.

It’s about me being 100% worthy of your trust, your love.

There is no Love without Trust.

Who is saying this?

Me.

Here, I am typing these words. Who is reading? Who is listening? Who cares?

anita

Dear Alessa, Peter, Everyone:

Your post, Alessa, encouraged me to research and come to this understanding: Buddhism teaches that three negative qualities—aversion (hatred), delusion (ignorance), and attachment (greed)—cause suffering. These are called the three unwholesome roots because they lead to bad karma, meaning negative consequences in life.

To counter these, Buddhism encourages practicing their opposites:

* Loving-kindness (Metta) to replace hatred—showing compassion and patience instead of anger.

* Wisdom (Paññā) to replace ignorance—learning and seeing things clearly instead of being confused.

* Generosity (Dāna) to replace greed—sharing and letting go instead of clinging to things.

By focusing on kindness, wisdom, and generosity, a person creates good karma, leading to a more peaceful and fulfilling life.

Karma is the idea that our actions, thoughts, and intentions shape our future experiences. If we act with kindness and honesty, we create good karma, which brings positive results. If we act with anger or selfishness, we create bad karma, which leads to suffering.

Buddhism teaches that even our mental states—like joy, compassion, or anger—affect karma. Positive emotions bring good karma, while negative emotions bring bad karma. This is why Buddhism encourages mindfulness and self-awareness, so we can shape our thoughts in a way that leads to happiness.

*** Anger 😠🔥, in Buddhism, is generally seen as harmful because it leads to suffering. It is one of the three poisons that cloud the mind and cause negative karma. However, Buddhism does not say that anger itself is evil—it recognizes that anger is a natural human emotion. The key is how we handle it.

Uncontrolled anger leads to harm, both to ourselves and others. It can make us act in ways we regret.

Mindful anger can be useful if it motivates us to stand up against injustice or protect ourselves and others. Some Buddhist traditions teach that anger can be transformed into determination and wisdom, helping us take positive action instead of reacting destructively.

Buddhism does not teach that a person should submit to abuse for the sake of peace. While Buddhism values non-violence and compassion, it also teaches self-respect and wisdom.

The Buddha taught that suffering should not be accepted passively—instead, we should seek understanding and solutions.

If someone is being abused, Buddhism encourages them to protect themselves and seek help rather than endure harm. Forgiveness is important, but it does not mean allowing abuse to continue. True peace comes from ending suffering, not accepting mistreatment.

Thank you, Alessa!

I see surrender as a central theme in your post—one that reflects strength and acceptance rather than passive defeat. You highlight that true surrender requires resilience and trust, much like a tree standing firm in a storm.

What Can We Trust?

Trust in life itself—its cycles, changes, and unknowns. Having faith in life’s unfolding, even when we can’t control the outcome. Knowing that everything evolves, and that pain and loss, too, will transform into something new.

Trust in inner strength—believing in our ability to endure struggles and emerge wiser.

Trust in meaning—recognizing that even grief and loss carry significance, shaping us, teaching us, and deepening our appreciation for what remains.

Your maple tree metaphor beautifully illustrates that surrender isn’t passive—it’s an act of allowing rather than resisting the natural flow of life. Instead of clinging in fear, surrender enables us to engage with change rather than be crushed by it.

Your closing thought—“It takes strength to know what is ours and what isn’t—surrendering to the Yes”—captures this idea perfectly. Surrender isn’t about losing control; it’s about choosing where to focus our energy, recognizing what is meant to be embraced and what must be let go.

To surrender is to embrace change, and to embrace our emotions, rather than suppress them. Even the most difficult emotions hold valuable insights and should be honored, not rejected. In doing so, we affirm our strength and awareness, allowing us to make choices that align with our values and growth.

Thank you, Peter!

anita

Vulnerability is not an invitation for criticism; it is a brave act of self-expression. I therefore welcome your vulnerability- Alessa, Peter, anyone reading this. I will not attack you because you are vulnerable.

What I just stated above is in the core of what abuse is about: attacking the vulnerable at their moments of expressed vulnerability.

As difficult as it is for me to acknowledge, I did the same: As a 10-year-old, or so, I hit my much younger sister simply because she was smaller and weaker. I didn’t dare to asserting myself against my big and strong mother (at the time), or attack her, so I assaulted my vulnerable, innocent sister.

It didn’t follow reflection. It was an instinctual response to my own abused vulnerability. And of course, I regret it deeply.

anita