Dear Dafne:

Thank you for your kind words 😊 I’m so glad you feel welcome here.

Dec 29, 2024: “he asked me out and started talking about a project to be together. He lives in a tiny apartment… he doesn’t have a stable job; only works a few hours for his friend doing admin tasks… So, not sure how he wants to have a house in the future. There is that big (but risky) project in Asia he has been working on for 4 years and still nothing happened.”

Jan 8, 2025: “He showed me an official letter from a cultural center but refused to send it to me as it was confidential. Do you think it could be true? It is not a work contract or any other legal document. Anyone could have written that. Maybe he was afraid that I could verify it?”

Feb 6: “I had an impression that he is looking for someone willing to contribute financially in order to have a house. He has sent me many apartment and house adverts and asked which one I like. Then once I told him he said that he had no money to buy and that his work wouldn’t allow him to take a mortgage or loan. Why is he even showing it to me? I’m confused…”

Feb 9: “He told me to choose (a restaurant) and I made a choice but.. Then he refused all places I wanted to go to… He proposed another one and I accepted then told me that he can’t take me there… Then texted me that he made a booking to a different restaurant. Why did he ask me in the first place if he decided already?”

Feb 21: “He keeps writing about the project… He told me that if I promise not to share his business plan with anyone else, he will send it to me. I said ‘ok, if you trust me, send it to me and I won’t share the sensitive details’. But once I said ok, he said that he will show it to me on his tablet (instead of sending) as there are some numbers and salaries included. So he wants future with me but hides information? Why did he ask me in the first place?”

This is my understanding of the situation:

* The Asian Project: The project exists only in its planning phase, which he has put together by himself. It does not exist in a practical sense. Just like I could start a project involving millions of dollars on my computer by researching, copying, and pasting information into an online business plan form, he has created a plan with no practical applications. He wants you to invest financially in what is, in practical terms, a fictional project.

* The Home Advertisements: He knows that you want to get married and move in with a husband, so he manipulates this desire by sending you advertisements for homes. His intent is not to buy any of them but to motivate you to buy them and arrange for a mortgage that he is unable to get himself.

* The official letter from a cultural center, the one that “Anyone could have written”, is one that he has written (or got an online source to write for him).

* The Restaurant Fiasco: When he asked you to choose a restaurant, his intention was not to genuinely consider your choice. Instead, it was a tactic to keep you engaged in his “Dafne Project,” with the ultimate goal of leading you to hand him money.

* In regard to sending you his business plan vs showing it to you on his tablet: when he offered to send you a business plan, he didn’t intend to follow through—just like when he sent you home adverts with no intention of buying any, and when he asked you to choose a restaurant but didn’t honor your choice. These actions are all tactics to keep you engaged and wanting a future with him, ultimately aiming to lead you to hand him money for that future.

“Now, he really wants to meet me and show me the plan. I think out of courtesy, I could meet one time… I could simply say… Is that a good idea Anita? Would you say something else instead?”- For your emotional well-being and to protect yourself from harm, I believe it would be best to end all contact with him.

“To be honest, I’m trying to distance myself as much as I can but somehow he doesn’t let me. He just doesn’t give up easily… now the relief of unblocking me turns into a frustration… I don’t know how to establish the emotional distance anymore… What would you suggest Anita?”- I would send him a courteous message where you express that you are ending all contact with him, for your sake and his, requesting that he no longer contacts you. If he disregards your message and contacts you (beyond one possible message where he accepts your assertion and says goodbye)- block him. You deserve to have control over your own life and emotional well-being. He shouldn’t have this kind of control over you.

I hope that you have a good weekend, and 🫂🤗 back to you!

anita

Hello Jana,

Thank you for your reply. I’m glad to read your perspective on that. I agree with you and Anita 💯 but internally it feels so hard to let go.

You can read my message above and an update from this man. His health issues make me hesitate to end it right away. I just don’t have it in me to say goodbye after reading his new messages.

You said it right, my energy goes in the wrong direction and I need another man to be happy 🙏

I just feel horrible to do it right now…

Dear Anita,

I know that you’re right and want the best for me. It is just emotionally hard for me and something is holding me back now. I don’t know how to brake free and feel good after that decision without guilty conscious.

Your idea of engaging in some enjoyable activities is great 👍 There are not too many possibilities around here but I’ll try to focus on finding something.

Thank you and talk to you later Anita! ❤️

Hello Jana,

Thank you for sharing. The more I try to work with my emotions the more anxious I get. I don’t know why…

I grew up in household where I could not speak up my mind without being punished one way or the other. Every day I had a deep fear of consequences and being rejected by the only people I care about.

Now I feel guilty that I offend him, hurt his feelings and leave him in the difficult time. He told me about his health issues.

I feel sorry for him…

And I am afraid that I won’t get another chance to find another friend and somehow also escape my reality at home. I live in a remote place and
my options are limited.

I hope that helps you to understand me better.

Thank you Jana 🙏 🌸

Dear Anita,

Thank you so much for your understanding 💖 and for not dismissing my feelings.

Your message helps me even more to see my fear for what it is and the impacte it caused in my life. I feel that we got to the source of it.

I just need to deal with my emotions in a way that they won’t control me and in the end destroy my whole being.

It all would not be possible without your constant and reliable support Anita.

He wrote me another message:

Him: “At the moment, I don’t feel able to take the car and come to see you, but you can come to see me”

Him: “Normally I shouldn’t be up, but I’m in good spirits 😅”

Me: “You need to rest and get better. I’m not in my best form either. Also I feel that we need some time off…have a good night and wish you get better soon”

I hope I gave him a hint in a no defensive manner. Let’s see…

Anita, once again thank you for being here and I hope with time things will improve.

Have a lovely day! ☀️🪻

Big hug to you! 🤗

Dear Anita,

I’m happy to hear that you are proud of me and that you liked my message. Your words give me courage 😘

I’ll try my best to keep away from the spider web 🕸 and learn to protect my well being.

And if anything remarkable happens, I’ll let you know.

Have a great day Anita!

I will miss you 💖🤗

Thank you Anita! I’m happy to hear that 😊💖

Take care of you too! 🤗