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Valentine Blues

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  • February 13, 2015 at 8:40 pm #72737
    Dee
    Participant

    Hello All!

    A very Happy Valentine Day to all the Tiny Buddha followers out there!

    I am 26, female and have been going through a rough patch recently.
    I was into an unsatisfying, unfulfilled relationship for the past 2.5 years. We had numerous on and offs.There were long no-contact periods for as long as one month. But I was never strong enough to end it completely. At the end of 2014, I finally thought I had gathered enough strength to let go of him. And he said it was over himself.

    It so happened that I was sharing my failed relationship saga with another friend of mine and somehow (I still don’t know how it happened), i discovered love in this friend. We had a good time and although I knew it wasn’t a start of new relationship, we both admitted this was the most amazing time we ever had in our lives.

    Fast forward two weeks,my ex is back saying that he never left and that I have cheated on him. He curses and abuses and then he tells me how much he still loves me and how much I have hurt him and that I will be never be happy with anyone because I wasn’t loyal. My friend on the other hand, although he says he is there for me makes it very clear that he will never be able to commit to me. I feel shattered. I feel helpless. I want to cry out that I did not cheat and I want to breath again. How should I get out of this mess? Please help.

    February 13, 2015 at 11:11 pm #72740
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Frankly speaking, your ex is bullshitting you and the whole he still loves you, you will never find someone like him is the most common line in the book. The point is, its over and i think you wanna keep it that way. If i were you, i would pick up the phone and scream at my ex, throw away all that stuff he gave me and not call him again. If he cant handle himself, why should i blame myself?

    As for this friend, i mean jeez, what are you doing girl? You’re having a good time and thats great but lets face it, its probably a rebound and you need comfort. Why are you settling for anyone who happened to make you feel good? Put your foot down and decide whats best for you, what you want in a relationship – if either your friend or ex is not giving you the commitment or respect or love you need, walk away.

    Seriously, you deserve better any day! Its not that hard if you think about what you truly need.

    February 14, 2015 at 4:19 am #72742
    Yue
    Participant

    Have to agree with Moongal there on both fonts. Investing energy in someone you see no future with is like watering a dead plant. There is nothing wrong if all you want to do is watering but be aware that nothing good can come from it long term. In fact, it takes time and energy away from you that you can use to achieve amazing things.

    February 14, 2015 at 5:51 am #72743
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Dee,

    Your ex knows that he’s giving you unwarranted crap. And you should know that he was just pissed that it seemingly took you so little time to get over him. Of course, he can’t actually say that so he’s making out like you’re a liar and a cheat.

    The next time he abuses you, say, “We broke up and you know it”. Keep repeating that line when pressed. Say nothing else. It’s called The Broken Record Technique and it (eventually) works!

    As for the friend, it was a rebound, and Valentine’s Day just highlights that fact. I would let that one call/contact you. But be on Formal Mode when you do talk to or see him. If he tries to get closer, say “You had your chance” and mean it. Instant Respect will be yours.

    Hold your Head Up,

    Inky

    February 15, 2015 at 1:28 am #72785
    Dee
    Participant

    Thanks a lot Moongal, Yue and Inky for your kind words.

    Sometimes when things worsen like these, I am not able to see the bigger picture even though I might know the way out. Its easier to weigh down and crumble beneath the hateful words of others and to forget oneself. This is what happened to me. So i have taken your advice and right now the only person i will be focusing on is me.

    Inky, I will definitely try asserting my side as you have advised.

    Loads of love to you all, many many thanks again 🙂

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