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walk away with no explination

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  • #216201
    chil
    Participant

    What if people just walk away after an episode with no explanation, no notice and just return back for their needs. person whom u trusted whom u loved , I am not talking about someone in relation, This is about friend, about aunt, about brother… what is this,

    Where is the answer for such thing in the universe, Where does this feelings evoporate? What is the balance in the universe? I am more than hurt……..

    Forgiveness, healing is their real such thing, or only need in this universe to be crude.

    • This topic was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by chil.
    #216243
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Chil:

    Are you referring to the friend you posted about in your last thread, the colleague at work?  I read through your previous threads and have some understanding of your life circumstances (married, a mother of two, unsatisfactory marriage). I would like to know more.

    anita

    #216283
    chil
    Participant

    Hi Anita,
    <p style=”text-align: left;”>yes it’s my friend at work who puts me into this when I see her. Now we share same cube as in our new location. She gets back to me when ever she needs help. When she is done she slips off. I never say no , nor show my pain since it is work….this makes me feel even worse.  other people I am talking about  is close family who fought among themselves  with whom I grew up and tell me things cannot be normal and just build the grave with stones of hatred and vengeance but show the beautiful serene lovely faces out. Why am I not like everyone just carefree? How to be like that? I suffer in wards ? I lack the friend ? My close friends are busy with families moreover I don’t feel connected? Even if I tell someone I might sound silly stupid. Nor to my husband it makes sense. I try to fix things obviously which are not under my control.try to help. I fail. I lack confidence to make new friends. My job can be at stake or no growth if I don’t socialize, I feel I am ver artificial

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by chil.
    #216289
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Chil:

    Reads like you suffer and have suffered for a long time. I think you are looking for the real things in life, honesty, true friendship and true love with a man. Unfortunately your family members that you mentioned are not honest, full of “hatred and vengeance” but showing a false face to the outside. Your friend gets closer to you when she needs your help and then withdraws, and your husband, you shared in a previous thread is also using you, in that he needs you to work and bring in the money and be of service to him  otherwise, but does not appreciate you otherwise.

    Basically you are living a lonely life as far as the adults in your life: family of origin, husband, others.

    I wish you had one true, close friend who  will be honest with you and consistently supportive, on your side.

    Please do post here anytime and I for one, will respond to you when I am at the computer.

    anita

    #216325
    Mark
    Participant

    Chil,

    People treat you as you treat yourself.  If someone treats you as if they don’t really respect or care for you then let them go.  If you are willing to let people treat you as if you were a rug, that there is no consideration, that they take rather than give then you are responsible for that.  Look at how you love yourself compared how you love others then act  accordingly.

    https://psychcentral.com/blog/what-it-means-to-teach-people-how-to-treat-you/

    Mark

    #218853
    chil
    Participant

    Thanks Anitha and Mark for replies.

    It means lot to me that someone is talking to me hearing me….

    Thank you

    Chill

    #218855
    Prash
    Participant

    Dear Chil,

    You sound like you are introverted and due to the people around you who fail to support you, you are having difficulty expressing yourself. You don’t have to be like others. You just need to be yourself. Often it is when we try to do something that we are not comfortable that we get distressed.

    Do you journal your thoughts? Mainly to discover what you truly want. The circumstances may not allow you to get what you truly want for now but if you have a clarity in that, that may be a starting point for you.

    Try look for small things that are under your control and do it your way, the way you want it.

    Do you like your job? Can you find things in your job that you truly love to do.

    Take care

    #383659
    chil
    Participant

    Hi Guys,

    This was my post like 3 years back . I was thinking of posting again in the forum seeking solace or wisdom.

    Some recap on myself in this three years.

    In this three years I have couple of dear friends who have time to hear to me and like wise I give my best to them. Regarding my husband I finally understood that he has trouble expressing feeling or emotions, no matter what cannot express the love and feelings like I do and finally I agreed to it . having introduced to autism behaviors by my younger son, I understand the differences in people better then before. I learnt managing the behaviors is the key. I have emotional distress very occasionally  managing both my sons and my husband.

    But the feelings of once I had that being ditched by my friend or my close family relations (Not my husband) is still there when I think about them, My question is you know someone did something mean or doing something mean. They might be once very best friends but how to train the mind to let go of the discomfort or pain which still expects you need to be there first choice and you need to relation as bubbly as before ?

    Now  I really have no time for most of the brooding I did before but that hurt feeling is never off ? Did someone tried something to get it off ? How did you train you mind

    #383660
    chil
    Participant

    Hi Guys,

    This was my post like 3 years back . I was thinking of posting again in the forum seeking wisdom.

    Some recap on myself in this three years.

    In this three years I have couple of dear friends who have time to hear to me and like wise I give my best to them. Regarding my husband I finally understood that he has trouble expressing feeling or emotions, no matter what cannot express the love and feelings like I do and finally I agreed to it . having introduced to autism behaviors by my younger son, I understand the differences in people better then before. I learnt managing the behaviors is the key. I have emotional distress very occasionally  managing both my sons and my husband.

    But the feelings of once I had that being ditched by my friend or my close family relations (Not my husband) is still there when I think about them, My question is you know someone did something mean or doing something mean. They might be once very best friends but how to train the mind to let go of the discomfort or pain which still expects you need to be there first choice and you need to relation as bubbly as before ?

    Now  I really have no time for most of the brooding I did before but that hurt feeling is never off ? Did someone tried something to get it off ? How did you train you mind

    #383661
    chil
    Participant

    Hi Guys,

    This was my post like 3 years back . I was thinking of posting again in the forum seeking wisdom.

    Some recap on myself in this three years.

    In this three years I have couple of dear friends who have time to hear to me and like wise I give my best to them. Regarding my husband I finally understood that he has trouble expressing feeling or emotions, no matter what cannot express the love and feelings like I do and finally I agreed to it . having introduced to autism behaviors by my younger son, I understand the differences in people better then before. I learnt managing the behaviors is the key. I have emotional distress very occasionally  managing both my sons and my husband.

    feelings of once I had that being ditched by my friend or my close family relations (Not my husband) is still there when I think about them, My question is you know someone did something mean or doing something mean, They might be once very best friends but how to train the mind to let go of the discomfort or pain which still expects that you need to be there first choice and you need to have the relation as bubbly as before ?

    Now  I really have no time for most of the brooding I did before but that hurt feeling is never off ? Did someone tried something to get it off ? How did you train you mind

    #383678
    anita
    Participant

    Dear chil:

    Welcome back to your thread where you last posted on July 2018, three years ago! And congratulations on the progress you have made during these 3 years.

    My question is, you know someone did something mean or doing something mean. They might be once very best friends, but how to train the mind to let go of the discomfort or pain which still expects you need to be there first choice and you need to relation as bubbly as before?“-

    If the person did something mean to you, you shouldn’t pretend like nothing happened, and be “bubbly as before”. The person needs to sincerely apologize to you and correct his/ her behavior.

    If the person is still mean to you (“or doing something mean”)- you should not at all interact with that person, and definitely don’t pretend to be happy and bubbly.

    Do you want to give specifics to the person/ situation you are referring to?

    anita

    #384640
    chil
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thanks for the reply, I do not want to go into specifics anymore.

    I see your point but when there are common friends between the person and you  or between the family (faimy friends) or you

    who keep updating you about the good and bad that is happening in the persons life.My emotions run this way first I am hurt, I feel bad later for the loss, If good I feel why did not she tell me, next comes jealousy.

    I dont want this to run in my mind each time, I want to cut of this cycle.

    Emotions that cause lot of trouble  to me to make my mind unsettled are i think are rejection, vengeance and jealous .

    What do you think best to be done?

    I feel like talking to someone who can understand my emotions and advice me to get rid of them ,  Truely i find no one to talk to  because everyone dear to me is dealing with something or other.

     

     

    #384643
    anita
    Participant

    Dear chil:

    You are welcome. So, there is someone who is mean to you, and causes you to feel “rejection, vengeance and jealous”, but you can not avoid this person because of common friends, including family friends.

    You want to “cut off this cycle” of feeling badly in regard to that person, and you ask me: “what do you think best to be done?

    I understand that you don’t want to give me specifics about that someone- and that is fine. But I can’t answer your question without a bit more information about the hurt and “rejection, vengeance and jealous” that you feel in connection that person. Can you tell me more about these feelings/ emotions that you are trying “to get rid of” (without giving me any specifics about that person)?

    anita

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