What can I do when my boy friend is married

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This topic has 24 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 9 months ago by Anne.

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February 2, 2019 at 12:30 pm #278275

MG
Participant

@anita thanks for baring a stupid version of me and helping me through. Yes i will end this relation with him. Will take a day to collect the corage and then will do it.

Thanks for your help.

February 2, 2019 at 12:33 pm #278277

MG
Participant

@Michelle your words have hit me hard. When you said that i have no confidence or self esteem it just made me realise that i m being someone who i m not. Your words have given me lot of courage. I am gonna be strong and end it.

February 2, 2019 at 2:03 pm #278289

Anonymous
Guest

Dear MG:

You are welcome. Post again if you would like, on this issue or any other. I will be glad to read from you again and reply.

anita

February 2, 2019 at 5:49 pm #278295

Michelle
Participant

Yes, you need to look at this from an outside perspective MG.

One of the reasons I joined the TinyBuddha forum was to share my experience and give advice to others in a similar situation (there are a lot of us; the dual life men of this nature lead is quite common and it is very, very hurtful). I will say, it has taken me years to get over my former relationship. I’m at a place now where I see it (and him) for what it was, but it still affects my self-esteem. You may face self-doubt in the future and question your worth at times (i.e. “why didn’t he choose me?”) … but please understand, this is not reflective of your worth or character at all. It IS reflective of his though. And it is poor.

Men like this are conniving and self-centred. No matter what, you will never come first to someone like that.

And you deserve better than it.

February 2, 2019 at 8:27 pm #278307

MG
Participant

Dear All,

I understood what you all suggested me but I will tell you why it is difficult for me. I just had a casual talk with my bf and he felt that I am not talking properly with him. He told me that I am his everything and if I take any negative strp or breakup with him then he will be destroyed completely. He is already in depression because of his current marriage and now He says if I don’t support him then he will never be able to set in his life..

Becuase of his condition it always gets difficult for me to leave him in worst situation.

February 2, 2019 at 9:01 pm #278309
Mark
Participant
MG,

Can someone help me decide what I should do and how I should deal with this situation.

We all have weighed in. You asked, we responded. If it was an easy decision, you would not be asking here.

It sounds like this guy is holding you emotionally hostage, i.e. YOU are responsible for my emotional well being. His “condition” is by his own doing.

Plus you are complicit in this as well. You are still referring to this married guy as your bf.

Good luck with this married, angry, difficult, manipulative man.

Mark
- This reply was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by Mark.
February 2, 2019 at 9:16 pm #278313

MG
Participant

@mark yes I agree with your points. Thanks for your reply. I will break up with him.

February 3, 2019 at 7:54 am #278351

Anonymous
Guest

Dear MG:

If you are so burdened by his depression and his need for help, and because the two of you are employed, you can give him a monetary gift of, let’s say, about 100 dollars, or the equivalent of a few therapy sessions with a quality psychotherapist and encourage him to invest his own money in his own therapy. You can research therapists and printout a list of possible therapists that may help him.

I am not suggesting that you do this. What I am suggesting is that you are not the professional help that he needs. Even if you were a certified psychotherapist, it is impossible for a professional to treat a patient with whom the therapist is in love. So giving him a monetary gift toward his therapy makes way more sense than being the girlfriend/”therapist” of a married man.

anita

February 3, 2019 at 8:43 am #278359

Michelle
Participant

If you had a close friend that was in this situation, what would your advice to them be? My guess is that it would be to dump the man because your friend deserves better.

Make that same choice for yourself.

February 3, 2019 at 3:40 pm #278417

Anne
Participant

MG

Please do not tell yourself the lie that you were put on this earth to provide joy to a man who doesn’t know how to be happy in his own life. Do not set yourself on fire to keep him warm. Do not be the hot fudge sauce on his plain vanilla life. His life is HIS responsibility. If he’s not happy in his marriage, it’s his job to work on it, or end it. Do not sacrifice your life to make his easier. No matter how angry or disappointed he gets. He is not a child – he will get over it, as will you, in time.
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