What is the best way to make my INFJ ex bf miss me/come back after a breakup?

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This topic has 4 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 6 months ago by @Jasmine-3.

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September 29, 2014 at 7:29 pm #65776

Jen A.
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I am currently in a grieving stage over my INFJ boyfriend breaking up with me.

We had the perfect relationship it started as friendship, met during him being separated from his wife and we were just friends as I had no attraction to him and never thought in a million years I would fall for him one day……well I did over time as our friendship grew and so did he, but I didn’t want to get involved yet because he wasn’t divorced but he kept pleading with me, promising that he was sure about us and that he wanted to marry me and was sure I was the person he should have married and his soulmate………. etc

Anyways once we got together, I noticed him taking no steps to get the papers signed and after 8 months I started pushing……well it led to a huge fight and tho he got the papers signed, he became resentful to words I said during the fight, ultimately questioning him as a man (not realizing it) and making him question our relationship and pushing him to not want a girlfriend at the moment…… well even though after weeks of silence and withdrawal, we are now broken up and I still believe he is my soulmate and the “One” and I read some articles online to try 30 days no contact………currently at 2 weeks. For the record, he has reached out slightly by sending me a movie trailer to our fave movie sequel and liking some recent photos I posted……….

Some articles suggest posting happy pics to make it seem I’m moving on and happy, enjoying my life etc….. not needy….. and also pics that will make him a little jealous (pics with me and a bunch of girls and guys having fun etc), not over doing it of course, meanwhile others suggest not posting anything online at all, no updating profiles etc to make him wonder what I’m up to and it’ll make him miss me more and contact me sooner…….. I’m not into games, and we have never played them, but I think it may be worth a try to see if it makes him start to miss me and come around, so I’m wondering what’s the safest, most best way to make him miss me/a little jealous and ultimately make him want to reach out to me without pushing him away for good keeping in mind he is an INFJ personality?

Thanks so much!

September 30, 2014 at 1:19 am #65781

Maureen
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I don’t know why you would want to make anyone feel anything and this is not a judgement. You seem to expect if you do this he will do that. So picture this dynamic 20 years from now. Good Time? nope/

The other thing is even if he is jealous there is no guarantees that will make him want you. It is a game. Dont do this. be real. You deserve real.If you are hurt deal with that without him, but try not to create a crisis of dishonesty to get him back.

September 30, 2014 at 8:35 am #65793

Inky
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The best way to make him jealous is to go off Face Book altogether and have a Friend Share a photo on your Wall of you at a party with new people he hasn’t met yet, having a great time!

That said, he may not come back no matter how jealous he feels. He did just get through a divorce and has a son, if I remember correctly.

Let him heal and regroup.

September 30, 2014 at 10:07 am #65797

Jade
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Wouldn’t you rather be with someone who leaps at the chance to be with you every single day, as opposed to someone you have to emotionally manipulate into staying? Forget this guy, honey. I know you say he’s your soulmate, but people who want to be with you will act like they want to be with you, and relationships go both ways.

You do yourself a disservice by trying to play backhanded games, if you really want this man in your life, you should show courage and vulnerability and lay your words bare for him, and if he doesn’t respond in kind, move on.

September 30, 2014 at 9:43 pm #65837

@Jasmine-3
Participant

Thanks everyone.

@sadgirlfriend17 Hi Jen A

I am so sorry for your suffering and can understand your desire to want things to go back to their normal ways.

Unfortunately, the Universe doesn’t work that way. You need to show some maturity and let the tears / pain flow.

Wanting to have the BF back is not your core need but a helpless desire to get over this situation. Can you stop the self sabotage and show yourself some respect that you deserve ?

If he is meant to come back to you, he will come back somehow even without you trying – the universe will bring you guys together and all circumstances will line up. If he is not, he wont. However, in the meantime, you can show more love and care towards JEN A and accept yourself the way you are. Once you learn to accept yourself the way you are – beautiful, honest, unique and work in progress – you will be able to accept everyone else the way they are without any need for judgments, jealousy or games.

Sometimes, we need to go through loss and pain to become the better version of self. When we become the better version of self, we invite more loving people and circumstances into our lives and become more in tune with where we need to be eventually.

Have faith in the unseeable. I know things will improve for you. You are way stronger than you think you are. In a few months, you will be laughing at all this 🙂

J
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