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This topic contains 12 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  anita 2 months ago.

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  • #284533

    Rai
    Participant

    If someone is being cheated on and you know the information is it bad karma to not tell them or is it bad karma to tell them

     

    Or is it the intention behind it that decides.

     

    Need help deciding if I should tell someone I don’t know that her boyfriend of 2 years has been messaging multiple people and telling people he’s single, trying to get into a relationship with me until I realised he was already taken.

     

    Would really appreciate some wisdom.

    #284537

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Rai:

    Is the cheating man the same man with whom you had a three year relationship, who cheated on you multiple times while in the relationship, then pursued you to resume the relationship, then cheated on you while pursuing you (previous thread)?

    If so, yes, I would let his new girlfriend know. I suggested letting her know six months ago- the sooner the better because she should know before having a child with him! You can prevent a new person to come into the world to parents who are likely to repeatedly fight because of his cheating.

    Your intention in letting her know is not relevant, you may be motivated by anger, but it doesn’t matter because what does matter is to give this woman an opportunity to end a relationship before having a child or children with a man whose cheating is not a one time event, but a pattern of behavior.

    (I looked at your previous thread and there is a person who posted there last asking for help, no one responded, I will bring back that thread so to answer this member now).

    anita

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 1 week ago by  anita.
    #284539

    JayJay
    Participant

    Hello Rai,

    content deleted

    ETA: Ah, Anita knows more of the story… I think we posted simultaneously there!  I have deleted my reply as I didn’t know there was any past history.

    Jay

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 1 week ago by  JayJay.
    #284563

    Rai
    Participant

    That’s correct I did post a while ago and wanted to tell her but I lost my nerve as I was worried about causing her upset after the guy told me she has anxiety and panic attacks , I realise this may well not be true and even if it is he is the one in the wrong but I didn’t want to cause hurt.

     

    However I’m now thinking this over again as I have become aware he has been trying to meet other women online again saying he was single, so it’s brought up regret at maybe not saying somwtgsos sooner.

     

    I guess I’m just quite a sensitive person too and don’t like upset but it’s obviously bothering me and I feel for her too .

    #284569

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Rai:

    “the guy told me she has anxiety and panic attacks”-

    If you share the truth with her (giving her a way to check your information herself), you will not be creating her anxiety and panic attacks, they are already there. She is already suffering from anxiety and panic attacks. If you tell her about his cheating and she ends the relationship as a result, she is likely to be less anxious, not more.

    And better give her the opportunity to end the relationship before she gets pregnant and brings children into a marriage where the mother is anxious and panicky and the father is busy chasing other women!

    I hope you tell her soon.

    anita

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 1 week ago by  anita.
    #284573

    Valora
    Participant

    If I were you, I would just go ahead and tell her and present her with proof to back it up. It’s likely she won’t believe you unless you show her proof of it, if she trusts her man. Speaking from experience, I once had a boyfriend that cheated on me with about 8 different girls that I know of, and I didn’t even believe my close friends at first when they told me, but I finally believed it when I got him to admit it. So proof helps a lot in that case.

    At any rate…. I think most people would want to know if their significant other were cheating on them, because, not only is it a betrayal, but if he’s sleeping with other women and not using protection with them or her, it invites STDs. So telling her would ultimately be doing her a HUGE favor, even though it will most definitely make her upset… but her being upset is ultimately the result of HIS actions, not the result of you telling her about his actions. Know what I mean?

    #284929

    Rai
    Participant

    I guess I always have this thing where I feel responsible for other people and don’t want to cause any of them any upset but I just have this strong feeling she needs to know that I can’t seem to let go of, but then the other part of me which is the anxious side worries it could hurt lots of people.

    #284955

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Rai:

    Would you like to respond to what I suggested in my last post to you, March 14?

    anita

    #284961

    Rai
    Participant

    I guess in response I think she should know but I guess I feel like maybe if I tell her it will make me feel bad about myself as although he has done the deed I will be the one causing the hurt in that moment so I think I will feel responsible.

     

    Also I guess I feel responsible for him which is ridiculous, with all the things going on in the world I worry maybe he is unhappy and he didn’t know how to do the right thing and by telling her it will cause him distress too.

     

    I know how crazy that sounds, I obviously feel a heightened sense of responsibility for other people and I’m quite a sensitive and an empath and feel things quite deeply , I don’t want to end up blaming myself for any fall out.

     

    Yet obviously I have this on my mind still so I need to resolve it some how

    #284965

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Rai:

    As a person who is “an empath and feel things quite deeply”-

    -do you think that it will be a good deed on your part to give this woman an opportunity to end this relationship and as a result prevent her future children from suffering in the context of a troubled marriage between their parents (because of the likely fights to occur as a result of his cheating, and the worsening anxiety and panic attacks of their mother, also a result of his cheating)?

    anita

    #284997

    Phil
    Participant

    It doesn’t matter what you do, you create a karma. If that karma is good or bad depends on how you would feel if someone did the same to/for you.

    So ask yourself:
    How would I feel in the girls place _and_ how would I feel in the boys place.

    If you do or not do – that action will happen to you as well in the future of your samsaric existences…

    Good luck!

    #285069

    Rai
    Participant

    I’ve taken from that that if I want to know if a guy was doing this to me then yes it may hurt at the time but then at least I could move on.

     

    They are currently on holiday according to Facebook, should I wait for them to come back or tell her now do you think, I don’t know if it’s kinda to let her enjoy her holiday or is that letting her make memories that aren’t real?

    #285159

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Rai:

    If it is a relatively short holiday and she should be back to her daily routine in a week or a few weeks, I would wait until she returns, maybe a week after she returns. If you communicate with her by writing, make it short, simple, clear and direct. Give her the evidence, or where she can locate the evidence herself. Don’t add anything that is unnecessary to add.

    If you want to post a draft of such a letter here, I will be glad to give you my input/ suggestions.

    anita

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