Me and my boyfriend have been together for around 3 and a half years. We’ve had loads of really good times and, on the hole get on ok.
We have lived together for 10 months.

Like any couple we have our issues, however I have found myself moving home to my mums to think about our relationship and where to go from here.

Over the last year or so things haven’t been going smoothly. He but heads over housework; he’s really traditional and would like me to do it all. I wouldn’t mind taking on most of it if I was a stay-at-home girlfriend/mum, but I’m not. I have only just finished college at the age of 20. I feel too young to be taking such things on and find it hard to keep up with it all alongside my job and trying to fit some fun things in. He does very little, if not anything around our home. He knows this and has said he will try harder by picking a few jobs to do each week, but he stated that ‘I may have to nag him to do them because, basically, he’s a guy and it’s not his domain… or that he doesn’t know how to do it.

In addition, recently I have found his comments too personal. He mentions “when are you going to the gym next”/”how’s the gym going” at really inappropriate times; for instance when I’m in my bikini. I am by no means large, I’m size 8 (UK) and think this is rude. Am I the only one? He believes he should be able to tell me when I’m slipping or need to get on it again, even though I’ve asked him to stop and f he has to, say it in a more considerate manner.

We also have an issue in the bedroom. He states that I never want to have sex and that I need to work harder at our sex life. However, I only say no when I’m exhausted (and after work, housework and working out… oh and trying to see friends and have fun- I normally am exhausted… a lot!). In addition, he brings up how I’ve had this problem since we met, and thus I will not change. It’s who I am. The issue is that I was sexually abused as a young child and it took a little while (and a few years of ups and downs) for me to feel comfortable with myself and sex. However, I would say I enjoy it just as much as the next person. He complains I make no effort, but nor does he. He just asks for sex really late at night when I’m trying to get some sleep.

We had a major argument the other week where he said I was from the bottom run of society and that’s why I cant make the step up to where he is – middle class – and that I do not have it in me.

My boyfriend has lots of good points too; he is generous and has a good work ethic. However, we have been bought up in different sections of society. He was born into money and thinks it’s super important in order to be happy. I however was bought up with very little money and winters with no heating and thus I strongly believe and have experienced happiness and love without any money in sight. Don’t get me wrong, I know money helps, but I fundamentally believe it’s not everything. I feel I get no support of him as when I ask for help, he just lists all the things he’s bought me or places he’s taken me. Like it’s an excuse for him to lay back and do nothing.

So, I have been at my mum’s for 5 days now. On the Sunday I left I told him I didn’t know what I wanted, he told me to do what I have to do, but then left to play golf. Over the past 5 days we have spoken 3 times. The first time I had broken my surfboard and wasn’t sure what to do, so I text him explaining and he told me better look it up on the internet. I understand I probably shouldn’t of asked him, but I had no one else to ask and I didn’t want my board to be ruined. The second time, my wheels on my car looked flat, so I send him a picture of them to ask him what he thought (once again, maybe I shouldn’t have asked him, but I had no one else to ask), finally I had to pop back to our home to pick up some shoes for an interview I had this morning. I timed it so I would turn up when he was at work, however he wasn’t at work, he was at home. He told me I ought to ring before turning up (probably right, but I wasn’t expecting him to be there) and then went on to say he’s not sure about where we are going from here as I’ve never paid for anything and I have never looked after him and I bring nothing to the relationship. Luckily, this made me angry and not upset before my interview.

So yeh, that’s pretty much all of it. But, I need some honest advice and opinions to help me work out what to do next.

Many Thanks

Lola